New York, new position, new possiblities...

NEW YORK

Uh, New York was amazing!

We did so much yet we didn't get to do enough.  You realy need a good month just to make a dent in that city.  Nevertheless, we left satisfied with all we were able to get done.  Even 3 days in the city would have left me giddy.  =)

Here's what we saw:

-Most importantly, the 9/11 Memorial.  It was something I will never forget and I feel honored to have been there.  It was so moving to me that Katie and I ended up sitting on a bench and saying a prayer for New York, the country, and the world.   The tears were flowing (people probably thought we had lost someone there.)

-The entire island of Manhattan via the Gray Line siteseeing tour and then later via the Empire State Building.... at night, all lit up.  It's a sight to see.

-The Statue of Liberty and Brooklyn Bridge via a water taxi.

-The underground and Coney Island via the subway.  =)

-Time Square EVERY DAY thanks to our hotel, the Algonquin, being situated literally a block and a half away.

-Macy's, Bloomingdales, Saks 5th Avenue, FAO Schwartz, Century 21, etc.  Yay shopping!

-Half of Central Park, including the zoo, on foot in one day (you can't REALLY do the whole thing in one day without some sort of transportation).

And so much more!!

I can't describe what an amazing trip it was.  I am so grateful to have been able to go... especially with my sister Katie.  It was a trip I will always cherish and never forget.   (How can I anyway?  I took about 500 pictures.  lol)

NEW POSITION

I started the new job yesterday.  I am so grateful.  It already seems that I am working with some awesome people, but only time will tell for sure.  For now, I am happy to be there and starting something new with new people. 

Thank you, Lord, for this amazing opportunity!  Please equip me to do my best.

NEW POSSIBILITIES

Months ago, someone reappeared in my life.  I met him once before very briefly about 2 years ago.  Never did I think that I would come into any kind of close contact with him again, nor did I think he would be anything other than an aquaintance if I did.

But alas, God always has other plans, doesn't He?

Now he has become someone very special to me.  Actually, I think that I can safely say the feeling is mutual.  I believe in my heart that he will continue to be a part of my life.  It's all up to God though, because after all He directs our steps and has a plan already worked out for each one of us.

Right now I'm just enjoying this new friendship and trusting that the Lord has everything under control.  =)

Thank you, Lord, for all of my News... =)

Last day or last days?

No.  This is not a post about the end times.... lol

So I THOUGHT today was going to be my last day at this department, but it appears I was never actually given an official release date (long story), so it may be pushed back a week. 

*sigh*

On one hand I'm sort of happy because I just didn't feel like it was quite over and didn't even have one goodbye lunch the entire week.  Most people know I don't like all the hoopla and attention, but that doesn't mean I didn't want to have one last lunch date with a few people I've grown to love, so I'm glad I may just get that opportunity afterall. 

On the other hand, I need to get out of here already.  There has been something special in the works, but it cannot get to the next level until I leave that place.  So I'm antsy to get my butt out of there so that this special something can get truly started already. 

Ay ay ay.... life is funny.   Oh well.  I'm just gonna roll with it.  One more week is not going to kill me... in both cases.

P.S.  3 more days and I'm eating pastrami and washing it down with pizza.  I love New York!!

Countdown 1 and Countdown 2

Countdown 1:  3 days

My last day with this department will be in 3 days.  After this Thursday I'm done, son.  SCARY!   In 3 days I have to wrap things up and say adios to people who sometimes knew more about what's going on in my life than my own family members. 

I'm a little nervous.  Change is scary.   I'm a lot excited though, so that's good.  Time to say good bye to the only LA County dept. I've ever known.   Who knows, though... I may be back.   For now, it's on to new horizons

Countdown 2:  6 days

YES!!! In less than one week, my booty will be on a plane to the GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD!   Woop woop!!   It's almost here.

I heart you NYC.   I will see you in no time.

For now, gotta do a mental check of my entire wardrobe.  Gotta make sure all my bases are covered.  You can't wear just ANYTHING to New York City.   It has to be casual, but chic.  Comfortable, but classy.   I also need to make sure I leave room in my luggage to bring stuff back.  Garment district, here I come!  lol.

Oh yay!!! 

=)

Can't wait!

But waaaaaaait!

They called for my release date today.  As in my release day to go to my new position.   Normally, that would be just fine, but that means that because I am going to be off the week after next that I only have all of next week to tie up loose ends, pack my things, and say goodbye to these people.  

It's. Not. Enough. Time.    Aaaaaa!

I'm not ready!

Man, this is so bittersweet.   I'm exciting for my new gig, but it's going to hurt so much to say goodbye to many people.  People I have grown to love.  People who I spend most of my week with.  People who have prayed for me, rooted for me, encouraged me, believed in me.  Good people... who far outnumbered the bad.   And one very special person who I hope grows to become a very important part of my life...
*tear*

Well, I guess all I can say is, "here we go!"

12... and very blessed!

Yeah, my stupid fears yesterday are gone today.  God is good at reassuring me and making sure I know everything is okay.  Not that he owes it to me.  In fact, I deserve to sit in my paranoia and stupidity sometimes, but thankfully I don't get what I always deserve.  =)

Thank you, Lord!

I'm back to being excited.  12 days until New York.  Woop woop!

Also, back to being blessed, today I go for my fingerprinting for the new position.  Once that is cleared, they will be calling for my release date and I'm off.  It's very bittersweet.  I'm sad to leave these amazing friends and women of God, who the Lord sent to me so graciously, but I'm happy to start my new adventure....  I should say adventures.  I know that with this new job and movement another life adventure will also be starting.   Hopefully soon I will be able to start sharing more, but for now it remains under wraps.

Thank you, Lord, that I am so very blessed!

Exciting times....

Wow.  In a little less than 3 weeks I will be in New York City... 19 days and counting.   My excitement level is building.  I. Can't. Wait.  =D

The thing I am now most looking forward to--aside from pigging out--is visiting the 9/11 memorial.  We have our reservations already and everything.  (Yes, you have to make reservations.)  I just feel so honored to be able to visit the memorial right after it has opened.  It's something I will be able to tell my children about. 

On the job front, I'm excited to share that I got a call from my future boss yesterday.  She informed me that the CEO has approved my promotion.  The paperwork is now at my new department's HR for final approval processing, which should be complete by the end of this week.  Then I get fingerprinted and when that comes back they call my current boss for a release date.  All this should occur within the next 3 weeks or so.   I think I'll end up starting the new job just as I'm returning from NYC.   I'm sure it will work out just fine. 

I'm super excited to start this new chapter in my life.  In my nearly 7 years with the County, I've only ever worked at one department.  It will be interesting to learn how other departments do things.  I'm sure I'll have my bumps along the way as the new kid, just like I did at my current department, but I have faith that God has me, so I'm more excited than anything to jump into something new and to meet new people.

Exciting times.  Exciting times.

P.S.  Finally going to lunch with someone very special today.  =)

Praying for enemies...

There is someone in my life right now who is…. well… shady. She is trying to play games. She thinks she is sneaky. She’s trying to mess with my life and my future.

Do I think she has the power to significantly affect me in a negative way? Heck no! I have God on my side. And that’s the thing… I have God, but does she?

I tend to think that people who play games and are underhanded, are people who are unhappy with life and with themselves and probably don’t truly have a real and close relationship with Jesus Christ. Those of us who love God may not always be so secure in ourselves and sometimes maybe even find ourselves jealous of others over blessings and situations that maybe we wish we were in (we are still human afterall), but because we love the Lord, we aren’t going to go out of our ways to make the lives of others more difficult because of that envy. I would hope not at least. I know I don’t behave that way.

In the end, no matter how weak in the Lord I might be for a moment, it’s still about honoring God and doing what Jesus told us, which is to treat others the way we want to be treated.

With that said, I know I need to pray for this girl. She needs the Lord. She needs him because “who can eat and who can have enjoyment without Him?” (Ecclesiastes 2:25) She needs him so that she can stop worrying about other people’s lives and start living her own.

Lord, help me to pray for this girl and to forgive her… and even to love her. Help her, Lord. She really needs you. Please also, Lord, don’t allow her to prevail against me or anyone else. Thank you, Jesus, that I know you have me always and there are 10 million verses in your word to back that up!

When your instincts are telling you the truth...

I just got back from a turnaround trip from LA to stateline (the border of California and Nevada).  It was a work charitable giving thing.  I knew I shouldn't have gone, but I went anyway.

I'll say it again.  I knew I shouldn't have gone.

My instincts told me that the person who invited me was not someone I could trust, but I went anyway, despite warnings from a trusted person, because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt... even though everything in me wanted to pull out and not go.  I should have listened to my inner voice.

Have I mentioned that I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE?  lol

Well, now it's confirmed that I can't trust this person and she's out to get me, and never again will I let my guard down with her.  I won't get into what happened or why I can't trust her... all I'll say is that I don't trust women for a reason and I think this trip for her was a case of "keep your enemies close," not her trying to be my actual friend.

From now on, she will be kept at arms length.  She has no power to do anything significant to me because I have God on my side, but she's definitely now someone I have to watch out for.  Pretty sad.

I guess the only thing I can do is pray for her, since afterall we are called to love our enemies and pray for them.  Help me with this one, Lord.

All of a sudden the verses from this previous post are extremely relevant...

Life happens...

First of all, sorry Blog (and my one follower) for not checking in for awhile. As you can see, I am alive. =)

I have been uber busy lately. The entire month of July was one giant celebration. I was so spoiled. I even got a giant surprise party where I was..... SUPRISED. Big time. They scared the living daylights out of me and there was definitely some cussing involved. (Oops!) Hey, I'm not good with being surprised or scared. They are lucky no one got punched. It was great though and I can definitely say I am super blessed and felt very loved.

Happy 30th Birthday to me!!! It definitely was happy... I will post a more detailed blog about what went down very soon. Promise.

Moving on....

I'm going to be upfront with you, Blog. I haven't been around much because I was way too wrapped up in Facebook (FB). The thing is, I could easily access my FB account via my phone, but it wasn't so easy to access you since I don't like to use the Internet at work too much. Don't want to get into trouble. So yeah.... I went with the easy choice. Sorry.

Well, as of this past Thursday, FB went bub-bye. I deactivated my account. There was one incident that occured the day before that was the tipping point, but in all actuality, there were many incidences and I have just decided that FB's cons far outweigh it's pros. It's too bad, because I was so glad to be in contact with long lost people from the past. I just couldn't deal with the drama, misinterpretations, back-stabbing, being stalked by weirdos, etc. I'm done. Sayonara sucka!

I actually felt an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders once I did it. No more being tied to my phone 24/7 wanting to know all the latest. The whole day was quite relaxing actually. Ultimately, even without the drama, FB should not be something that takes up so much of my time. That's what Reality TV is for anyway.... LOL. Just kidding. No, seriously though. All the time spent on FB could have been used somewhere else.... like praising/serving/communicating with God maybe? Yeah....

In other, better, amazingly awesome news....

I have been offered a very significant promotion to another Department. How significant? I'm skipping right through 4 secretary levels above what I currently hold. That is AMAZING and only from God. To Him be the glory because I know if it was purely on what I "deserve" I wouldn't be getting a darn thing.

Thank you, Lord, for your favor, even when I'm not doing as well as I can be in my relationship with you. You are TOO GOOD to me!

This promotion will enable me to pay my mortgage (STILL waiting for approval on the condo by the way) AND be able to live comfortably and maybe even get a better car with better gas mileage (and I'll definitely need it because I'll be driving far once I do move!). It is such a major blessing, I can't even explain to you.

Also good news:  I officially made my goal on Weight Watchers.  30 lbs lost!  Woop woop!!!!  I can't believe it.  It still feels too good to be true, but I'll still take it.  In fact, I decided to extend the goal to 40 lbs.  I'm going to try it out and see what happens.  I also ordered a brand new elliptical and I'm going to start getting back on the exercise wagon.  I definitely, if anything, want to start toning up now.  Who knows.... maybe by this time next year, I'll be able to rock a bikini.....  Okay, wishful thinking, I know.  lol

Sobre el amor...

Still no main squeeze, but it's okay.  I have been meeting people and getting out there and have discovered that maybe God's glad I'm doing that, but that doesn't mean that he's necessarily going to produce anyone right away.  There is one surprisingly one person at work, of all places, that might be a possibility, but only God knows exactly who it will be.  My job right now is to believe and have faith that "someone" is in the works at all and that God has my back.  In any case, hopefully my house will be approved soon and I can get back to my church, cause with all the guys there, if God doesn't have my sweetie waiting for me there, then I might have to come to grips with the idea that he (my sweetie) doesn't exist.....

NAH!   I'll never give up on the idea that he's out there waiting for God to help us find each other.  ;)

Okay, well that's all I got for now.  Tootles...

Oh, and P.S.  Happy birthday to my Mom!!  Crazy broad... lol

The business of going bonkers while biding my time for something better...

Today has to be one of the most boring and unproductive days this year. I could so be doing this at home, but no. I have to make that “paper”, as they say… cash money, son. I will have a mortgage soon and that mortgage must be paid… ‘cause I sure don’t have a rich hubby or sugar daddy who’s going to pay it. Lol.

I just really don’t like not having anything to do. I always feel like my job isn’t up to par with my skill and efficiency levels. I should be at a much higher level than I am at the moment.

There’s just one problem: my face.

No, I don’t have a giant mole on the center of my nose. I know it’s not my teeth, or I’ve wasted 2 years of my life and $6,000 on Invisalign. I’m pretty sure I’m not hideous to look at. No, none of these things. What’s the problem? I have the face of a girl 8 years younger and therefore, in the minds of those with whom I have interviewed, I’m not ready for, nor can I handle, a higher level secretarial position.

REVERSE AGISM!!! I tell you!

It’s funny, but it’s not. I know people are like, “Really? You’re complaining that you look years younger than you are?” Well, now that I’m about to be a single, childless 30-year-old, heck no! I’m loving it.

I just don’t love people making assumptions about someone who LOOKS young, when all you have to do is look at my resume and performance evaluations (I’ve gotten Outstanding on my last 2 years of evals… thank you very much!).

*sigh*

I know at the end of the day, it’s God who is in control and maybe HE just doesn’t think I’m ready, but at the same time I can’t possibly believe that it’s His will that I sit around on my butt being completely unproductive. That’s no way to serve Him. Maybe I just need to take more initiative???? How? There is only so much filing someone can do…..

Somebody tell me how before I go cuckoo……

What goes up...

... must come down, as they say.

Everything has been going great. I'm on track to be in my very own first home soon. I've gone on some decent interviews. I'm now down a total of 22 lbs. Etc., etc., etc.

But now--today--I feel like it could all implode.

Well, first let me add one more seemingly good thing to the list: I met a nice guy in Vegas over the weekend.

So nice, he hiked all the way from the Luxor to my hotel, Ceaser's Palace, at 2:30 in the morning just to hang out with me... no funny business. Do you know how far that is? (Google it. Its far. ) He was nothing but a gentleman. A tall, handsome PE teacher, likes kids gentleman who seemed to like me, of all people. He was too good to be true.

So now I'm back to reality.

What happens in my reality? You get word that you weren't chosen for the position you REALLY wanted. Rejection. You don't hear from the guy you REALLY wanted a chance to get to know. Rejection.

(Please don't let the house be next, Lord.)

Now, even though I'm trying very hard not to be, I'm slipping into a funk. What am I doing wrong? No, what am I doing right? That way I can continue doing it and make this disappointing feeling go away.

Lord, I know I need to keep focusing my attention on You. You're all that matters. Help me...

Things were going so well...

Dear Blog: I've been busy. My bad...

I'm so sorry, my little blog. I have neglected you so much. You probably think I'm self-centered and selfish.... and you would be right. lol. I've been busy too, but mostly it's because I've been living life instead of hypothesizing about living life or pretending to live life. Well, now I'm here to tell you about that....

=)

(I make myself laugh sometimes. Does that make me a loser? It sure does make me a dork. lol)

Anyway, I have been dating a lot. Nothing major has come of it, but I am definitely enjoying having attention and feeling desirable for truly the first time in my life. The only downside is that now I have all these options and I'm beginning to realize that I really don't know what I want anymore. I thought I did, but now I'm not so sure.

I do know that whomever I end up will need to be my friend first. I've been encountering a lot of guys that want to immediately jump into a relationship and (as they say) "wife me up." It kinda freaks me out. I need to get to know you past three or four days, or even a couple of weeks, before I start CONSIDERING getting serious with you. Is that crazy? I don't think so...

Again, though, it is SO awesome having options and choices. It sure boosts the ego and puts a kick in your step, which seems to then attract more people to you. It's like a snowball effect.... a snowball effect of awesomeness! =)

I'm finally adjusted at work. I've made some boo-boos here and there, but I think I have the hang of it. The only thing I'm constantly confused about is whether or not these people even like me. The other secretary is touch and go. Some days she's nice to me and encouraging and other days I feel like I'm getting on her nerves or she thinks I'm just stupid. Who knows! I definitely miss my old team of Christian ladies. I never had to wonder if they secretly didn't like me. Oh well... It couldn't last forever.

I'm really trying to get out more and expand my horizons. I'm trying to make new friends and hang out with people I can relate to: Single People. I have so many friends (including my closest friend) who are married, about to be married, and/or have kids. I love these people and appreciate being a part of their families and having their children in my life, but I really can't relate to them. I have an idea of what they are going through and they have an idea of what I'm going through, but at the end of the day we are not going through the same things and don't completely understand each other. I need people who understand.

I keep jumping back and forth between ideas for what I want to do in the next year when my debt is paid off. Buy a car? Move back to Pomona/the I.E.? Buy a car???? Move back???? Some days it's one and other days its the other. If I move, I can go back to my church where I feel I belong. If I stay I'll be able to more easily save money AND get a new car with better gas mileage. Both seem like good options to me, but I don't know which to go with. I guess church and moving back do sort of edge out the new car thing, but it all depends on if/when my cousin can move out with me, because I really don't want to pay rent alone. We'll see what happens....

Well, there is more, but that's all I have time for now, little blog. I'll really try to be back again soon. Take care of yourself....

Me, me, me! The update...

So in my previous post I mentioned my new position and a date I went on. Here's what happened:

WORK
There is so much to learn in my new position, and to be honest I was a tad nervous about it over the weekend, but so far it's going okay. The good thing is that I'm not fully on the Travel Request system (which is the main part of my job) because of some technical difficulties. This has left me some time to organize my desk and really settle in. I was able to sit with my predessesor, Maria, and thoroughly go over what I will be doing (mostly all travel-related).

Well, that Train-a-Thon came in handy because Maria called in sick today. Because of everything we went over, and my detailed notes, I have been able to handle the basic travel arrangements that have come my way. Thank you, Jesus!

DATE
The guy and I met up at Claim Jumper. Dinner was nice and the conversation was interesting, but I walked away knowing this wasn't going anywhere. The main problem I had was that he seemed to be ashamed of the Gospel. He went so far as to say that he doesn't like to call himself a Christian because he doesn't like "labels." Really? More like you are embarrased to tell people you are a follower of Christ and worry way too much about what the world things and not enough about what the Lord thinks of you. Yeah, definitely not the godly leader I want in my life.

Even better, yesterday he texted me telling me that despite what an amazing time he had with me and that he thinks I'm a "cool gal," he didn't feel we were compatible either. Phew! I was worried about having to let this guy down easy, but he handled the job for me.

He said that there were two things that he honed in on that made him feel we would not be a good fit:

1. In his words: We are "in a different place spiritually." (Agreed.)

2. Also in his words: "You... are a behind the scenes gal that wants to stay home and eventually you [want] to get to a place where the two of you lived off of one salary." (So apparently he is not okay with being the sole breadwinner... okie dokie.)

Well, there you go.

This is what I replied to him:

"You're a cool guy and I enjoyed dinner and our converstation, but yeah, like you said, I didn't feel the spark for the same reasons. I think you are still on that adventure that we have to go on sometimes before we can fully commit our lives to the Lord and there is nothing wrong with that. It's just not where I want my guy to be. Good luck with your baby girl, carreer ambitions, writing, and search for the right one. Trust in God and he'll take you places you never imagined for yourself. =) God bless."

Obviously NOT for the same reasons, but the "spirituality" aspect is true. What I didn't mention to him was that I think his politics stink. =) (If you read my blog than you can probably guess who he voted for President. LOL.)


Anyway, that's that. There are the updates. I am already chatting with another guy who seems to have his head on straight about the Lord, so we'll see what happens there. All I know is that I sure am getting some good dating practice in lately. Even they they aren't very successful dates, I'm having fun....

Me, me, me!

Because ultimately everything is about me, right? lol. Just kidding....

Monday I start my new position in the Chief Deputy's office. Kinda exciting, kinda not. It's something new and a new challenge AND will open up doors for me, but I'm not making that much more money and I'm going to miss my immediate co-workers. It's been so nice being able to fellowship at work, but nothing lasts forever does it.

My debt is so close to being paid off and it feels SO GOOD! Two years ago I was at nearly $24,000 of debt (not including that evil Audi, but mostly because of it). Right now I'm down to $5,000 and that's only because I added Invisalign to the mix. If it wasn't for Invisalign, I would be done already. October 2011 (7 months from now!), I will be officially debt-free! Hallelujah!

I have a date tonight with a guy from eHarmony with whom I have been texting and chatting over the phone. He's white, which is out of my norm (I love me some brown dudes, what can I say), but he's funny and seems cool. We'll see what happens. It's in God's hands.

I'm also chatting with another guy on eHarmony (who IS brown... lol). This guys seems like he has more of a solid relationship with the Lord, so I'm definitely not going to rule him out either. I'm learning that I need to leave myself a little more open and available to different opportunities. I'm definitely not a player, but I'm also not obligated to anyone right now. Until you are committed and maybe even put a ring on my finger, I don't owe you anything. I know what I want and won't settle for less than anyone who loves the Lord and who is ready for that next step in his life. This too is in God's hands.

That's about it.... I'll update what happens tonight later. Peace!

Forgetting the creamer for a sec...

I got a letter from Human Resources. My apps were accepted and I have a secretary test lined up for next week. I'm sure I'll do fine. Last time I was in Band 2 and I don't expect to do worse than that at all... especially because my knowledge of County practices has grown a lot since I last took that test.

Please, please PLEASE, Lord, help me out. I know I'm a brat and don't deserve it (see last couple of posts), but I really need to be utilizing my skills in a broader capacity. Pleeeeeeeeeeez-uh...

Yesterday was day 4 of Jillian Michael's 30-day Shred. Like I said previously, this workout is no joke. I definitely already feel more energetic and slightly leaner. I'm definitely going to give this thing all I got. By the way, my ENTIRE body is sore. I'm talking about muscles I never even knew were there. This is so gonna work...

I haven't heard from Ramon at all since his brother asked him to ask me whether I believed that I could lose my salvation. After all the reading I've done on their "church," I can pretty much guess that they are "advising" him not to speak with me because I don't believe what they do. I did ask him, via an FB message, if we were still on for me visiting him in Texas and he said yes. I'm guessing they are preparing to try to "talk some sense into me." What they don't know is that the Holy Spirit is also preparing me to talk some Truth to them.

Either way, I believe this will probably be the last time I see Ramon. I know they are sucking him into these lies as I type this. All I can do is trust that the Lord has a plan and that He will reveal His Truth in His time to this entire family... It's just very distressing...

I signed up for LIFE groups and even spoke with the leader the other day, who seemed really cool, but then I realized that I have signed up for a day and time that will completely conflict with my Invisalign treatment. Gah!

So now I need to call this lady, break it to her that I can't be a part of her group (and she seemed so excited too), and try to get myself into another group. Ay ay ay! I really need to start carrying a calendar around with me. I always manage to double-book....

A little of this and a little of that....

Work is no fun right now. I'm bored all the time. Even when I have stuff to do. Then to make matters worse the guy filling in for the big boss while he's on sabbatical is annoying. This guy is so erratic and flighty. There is no order at all. I can't stand it and I can't stand the way he does things. Thank God next week is his last week...


Some good news: The Secretary III, IV, and V tests opened back up. Thank you, Jesus. I literally teared up and thanked God. I didn't think this opportunity would come up for a LONG time because of the economy and budget issues. You better believe I applied for them IMMEDIATELY. I know I don't deserve it, but I'm hoping for favor on this. I really need to be doing more with my skills and knowledge. This just isn't enough...


I'm planning to go to Texas in the beginning of November. I want to see my cousin's little girl, who moved there a while ago and to whom I was not able to say a proper goodbye. I also just want to check Texas out and see if it is the type of place to which I would like to escape... er go. lol.

I have to admit, too, that I want to go see Ramon. I want to see how he's holding up. I'm curious to see what God has hopefully done in his life since going there. I want to see if he really has changed at all. I want to see his brothers and how they are being blessed by their service to the Lord. I want to see the family in general.

So yeah. I think all of that is a good reason to take my butt over to Texas for a weekend or a little longer...


I'm looking forward to another swamped October. I have Kaylin's 3rd birthday party, Misty's Baby Shower that I am co-hosting, a trip to Vegas for my sister's birthday and who knows what else. I have no idea why that month is always so full for me. At least I don't have to worry about Halloween. I've pretty much resigned myself to never "celebrating" it ever again. It's just not my thing and I KNOW it's not God's thing either, so that's enough reason for me. At least it means that Christmas is around the corner though. I love Christmas...


Got a call from my friend Mandy last night. My 10-year-old goddaughter got Above Average across the board on her state testing and she's getting an award for it. I'm so proud of her. Way to go, Julia!! Yay!!! I hope this is a sign of amazing things yet to come for her...


One last thing: I pulled out the bulletin from my last visit to church. It was dated August 1. Not good. That means it has been more than a month and a half since I set foot in a church. This is a problem. Lord, help me to fix this problem. Take away the excuses. I really need You and the fellowship of Your people...

I need a vacation from coming back from vacation...

So I've completely moved back to the Valley and today I went back to work. Blah!

As I predicted, I came back to a giant mess. My desk was chaos... it literally took me about 6 hours to sort through everything. To make things even worse though, someone decided it would be a good idea to rearrange my desk.

Thank you. I totally needed to come back and find MY stuff moved around, as if you were trying to send me a message that my arrangement just wasn't working for you. Well, excuse me. I thought it was MY desk.

That's like asking someone to housesit for you and then coming home to find out that they really didn't like how you had your furniture set up, so they decided to "redecorate." Who asked you to do that? All I asked was that you watch my house, feed the dog, and water the plants. Geez!! Have some respect!

I can't imagine covering someone else's workspace and feeling that I have the right to go ahead and move their stuff around and not put things back where I found them. It's called common courtesy.... *sigh*

Needless to say, I will be doing everything I can in the future not to be out for extended periods of time. Or at the very least, only have CERTAIN people--people I can trust--cover from now on....

Spilling Beans, Salsa Dancing, and Sickness

So the day after the whole David's Bridal debacle, Sandy came to Kim's house for breakfast. She told us the whole story about how these would-be robbers were foiled. Apparently, Sandy's co-worker had a gut feeling that something wasn't right and just minutes before these guys tried to commit their robbery she walked over to the door and locked up. So when they decided to come through the front door they couldn't get in. They saw Sandy and her co-worker both on the phone and probably thought they were calling the cops, so they took off.

Thank you, Lord, for keeping my sister safe!!! Hallelujah!

Sandy was shaken up, but thankfully that was all. She was spared the horrifying experience of being held up in a robbery. We know that these guys had guns and have used guns in their past robberies. Yes, past. As in they had already hit many branches of the check-cashing company that Sandy works for. Nice.

Anyway, after telling us her story she then got into how she is ready to get married already. Kim and I looked at each other and with just that look decided to spill the beans. We confessed to Sandy what our plans were for the night before.... before those idiot criminals foiled our plans. Sandy broke down crying. Partly because she didn't get to go to David's Bridal and partly because she was touched at our surprise. Immediately following the tears though was utter excitement.

Wedding plans have officially commenced....

That same night, Kim and I went out Salsa Dancing. What a joke (lol!). We got to Mama Juana's a little late, so the Salsa lessons were wrapping up. That didn't stop the instructor from throwing us in with the rest of the learners. Unfortunately, they were past the basics, so just when we were trying to learn the basic moves, they started throwing in the fancy stuff, including turns. I tried. And then I tried. And then I tried some more. I totally failed though. So after a while I quit. Yeah, I'm a quitter. Oh well. The guy even called me out on it, but I didn't care. When I know I can't do something well, I just don't do it. It's the perfectionist in me. Sorry!

Once the lesson was over, it got really fun. We mostly sat there and watched everyone else dance, but they were so good! That was enough entertainment right there. I felt like I was watching Dirty Dancing. And the Asians!!! My goodness, the Asians were REALLY good. I was shocked. They are not joking when it comes to Salsa Dancing. Hahaha!

They occasionally played some Merengue and Cumbias, so were were able to get out and take turns dancing with Jorge, Kim's friend from work. So we didn't sit on our butts the whole time. Kim and I caught the bug though... we both really want to take some lessons. We're supposed to be "latinas." We have no excuse for not knowing this stuff.... especially since our father is like a world-class dancer. Guess we should have swallowed our embarrassment when we were younger and let our Dad drag us out onto the dance floor more often. Too late now...

By the time Sunday rolled around, I wasn't feeling too hot, but we ended up having a BBQ at the house. It was laid back and fun, but by the end of it, I knew I was full-blown sick. I had a horrible headache and went to bed early. By the next morning it was worse, but I thought I could make it in to work. WRONG.

I was almost to work from the Valley, when I decided it wasn't a good idea. I called work and told them I was sick and wouldn't be in and continued on to my current home in Pomona. I literally got home, kicked off my shoes, and crawled into bed... with my work clothes on and everything. When I woke up a few hours later, Mom was home. We both lounged on the couches the rest of the day (me, mostly sleeping) and she was nice enough to make me some lunch.

I ended up staying home the next day also (yesterday) and finally decided that I NEEDED to come in to work today. I wish I could have stayed home because I'm still not doing too good, but "you gotta do what you gotta do." If I didn't come to work today I wouldn't have enough time on the books to take off the whole week I will need next month to move.

*sigh* Growing up.... Responsibilities.... Life.... No fun sometimes....

John 8:12

"I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darness, but shall have the light of life."

Went to lunch with my co-worker today (the same one who asked me to lunch a few weeks ago). As we got in the car to come back to the office he pulled something out from the compartment in the driver-side door and said, "I had a friend who was selling stuff and I thought of you." He then handed the object to me. It was a beautiful hard-covered (wood, actually) journal, with John 8:12 inscribed on the front next to a lighthouse.

I was floored. I even almost cried. Good thing I had my sunglasses on. lol.

What a beautiful and thoughtful gift. What a gift that I so didn't deserve.

I showed it to my co-worker and she said something like, "See people are noticing you. You are a light to the world." Yeah right! I don't know how, since all I've been doing is moping around like a spoiled brat and idiot for the last couple of weeks. No light to the world have I been, I can assure you of that. Shameful.

Well, I'm back to normal. I've snapped out of it, and I'm going to do my best to live up to this gift....

In other news. Yikes! Homeboy has asked me to lunch twice and gotten me a gift. We all know what this means..... Still not sure how I feel about this. God, it's in your hands.

I'm not okay...

Have 't written much lately. I suppose it's because its been nothing but the same stupid stuff. I've been feeling pretty depressed and borderline resentful towards God. I've lost all hope and joy. I know its my fault, but I also feel like its been attacks from the enemy.

One minute I feel like everyone around me is an idiot and then next minute I feel like it's not them, it's me. I'm the fool.

For example, this last Thursday my bureau put on a Retreat for our staff. The planning for this Retreat has consumed the last 2 or 3 weeks of my work life as I've helped my boss come up with everything from the food choices to the design for the table centerpieces. Although I've had a big part in everything, at the end of the day, I knew it was my boss who was in charge of the whole thing. Yet, the day of the Retreat I somehow got saddled with much of the responsibility of orchestrating registration of and food service to nearly 200 staff, which meant I also had to deal with the big boss breathing down my neck because it was not well-ordered (something I thought my boss would have taken care of before the show began--apparently, she had no plan for either how we were going to go about registering or serving food). It was chaos.

I was not happy. I felt like on one hand I was expected to have had all this planned out, but on the other hand when I tried to present plans on-the-spot for executing these tasks (good plans, might I add), they were almost all immediately shot down. I was beyond frustrated. I was beyond stressed. I was a little on the angry side. Not only was I trying to handle the big jobs on my own, but I also had the big boss breathing down my neck about hurrying things up and publicly criticizing the job I was doing.

Now the selfish part of me would love to say that I was put in a bad situation and that you should feel sorry for me, but the Holy Spirit won't allow that. I was not completely innocent that day. In the middle of my stress, I let all censorship of myself go out the door. The entire day, I could not stop running my mouth about what was pissing me off. I could not keep my mouth shut about how the big boss created chaos and made things worse than they needed to be. I knew what I was saying wasn't really appropriate (just by the awkward silence alone lol), but I just couldn't tame my tongue. I was even talking crap in front of people that could quite possibly run and tell him what I was saying, but I was so annoyed and upset that in the moment I didn't care.

Well, now I'm torn between being upset with my boss and her boss and being upset with myself for not being in control and letting this mess roll off my back like an adult. *sigh*

I'm telling you, the enemy is doing a number on my life right now.

So, now I'm going into work tomorrow expecting some sort of confrontation. It may not even happen, but I want to be prepared nevertheless. The funny part is that I have an evaluation due in less than a month. Let's see if it's affected by this crap. I seriously think my boss probably thinks I'm mentally unstable at this point. Maybe she's right. Or maybe its just that I'm surrounded by people with no common sense and it drives me crazy.

Or maybe she's right...

Maybe I'm not cut out for this anymore and I need to transfer to a district...

Lord help me. I'm about ready to transfer out of life.