All I want for Christmas is you....

First off, I have to say WOW. I can't believe it's the last day of November! This year has FLOWN by. It's crazy. Christmas will be here in 25 short days. Yikes!

Speaking of Christmas... What do I want for Christmas this year? I want one thing: Francisco. =)

I'm hoping and praying and wishing and hoping and believing and praying that God makes this happen. I'm trying to be patient. I'm trying to stay positive. I'm trying to remember the Lord's promise almost 9 months ago that I would be married in 2 years. I'm also trying to remember that He's in control and that it's up to Him, not me.

Please please please, Lord. I hope this is Your will. I hope this is it. Please keep doing what you are doing and please don't let me hope for nothing...

Our own "Blind Side"

This article by Star Parker talks about the movie The Blind Side and how it's story should be a model for how we deal with underprivileged youth in our society. I totally agree with her conclusion that Christian values and education are the solution to this problem.

My family has our very own version of The Blind Side's story in Sandy, my adopted sister.

Sandy came to us 7 or 8 years ago, when she was 18 years old. She was past the age of schooling, but she still needed help. She had no where to go. Her abusive mother had put her out on the street after some very traumatizing incidents. She was lost and literally suicidal, with no hope of any kind. That's when the Lord put her in our lives.

It was through our CHRISTIAN notions of charity, kindness, and above all LOVE (sometimes the tough kind) that this disadvantaged girl finally found a family and a safe place to call home. She is now a successful mother, soon-to-be wife, and member of society, instead of laying cold in a gutter somewhere or 6 feet underground. If only more of us would step outside of our nice little comfort zones and reach out to these poor, disenfranchised kids. We are supposed to be the light of the world.

Hopefully this movie will inspire more Christians to be Christ in someone's life and to bring Christ into someone's life.

Antisocial?

On Thanksgiving my dad told me that I'm not so much shy as antisocial.

It's not true and I know my dad didn't mean to, but that really hurt my feelings. I truly am just painfully shy (especially with my peers), but when you are shy in this world you can't catch a break from those who are outgoing because they just don't understand the concept. They don't know what it's like. They weren't born that way. They are the kind of people who don't let insecurities about what other people think get to them. They are the type of people that everyone likes. They are the type of people that can be thrown into any situation and become friends with people in a matter of minutes.

I have never been that way, but believe me, if I could snap out of it I would. If I could just be myself I would. I don't choose to be this way, trust me. I've always been this way and matters were made worse in grade school. The other kids I went to school with completely ignored me. If I told a joke, no one laughed. If I gave my opinion, no one heard it. I was worth zero to these kids. So I learned to keep my mouth shut and keep to myself. Nothing I had to say was worth saying.

Yes, I've grown up and I now know that I am worth something, but it's still hard to feel like the minute I open up my mouth in a group of people I don't know I'm going to get that "who asked for your opinion" look. Or even the "who do you think you are" look. It sucks. It's terrifying. It's DEBILITATING!

So the next time you are in a group of people and one of them isn't saying much, or making a lot of eye contact, or is checking his/her cell phone every couple of seconds, don't assume that they are stuck-up, don't like you, or are rude. They may very well be extremely shy, afraid no one will like them, and waiting for you to start the conversation.

And please, whatever you do, don't call shy people ANTISOCIAL. It's an insult because I know that I am not "averse to the society of others." In fact, I long for the society of others, I just don't know how to attain it, which means I have a very lonely and isolated life sometimes....

'I told you so' never felt so good...

Global warming is such a farce and the so-called scientists who have been trying to shove it down our throats have finally been exposed:

The Day Global Warming Stood Still

Happy Thanksgiving

I'm sure I probably won't be blogging tomorrow, as I will be driving to San Diego, stuffing my face, and then driving back. So I wanted to wish anyone and everyone who reads this thing a very Happy and BLESSED Thanksgiving!

Some things I am thankful for:

• Jesus Christ, who stepped down from on high to die so that I could have eternal life.
• Freedom--in my country and in Christ
• Forgiveness
• My Family
• God's promises
• My health
• A job and the ability to pay off debt
• The current process of restoration of my parents' marriage after 10 years of being separated! Hallelujah!
• Prayer
• You, whoever you are. Thanks for letting me get stuff off my chest. =)

Enjoy!

Give thanks to the Lord for He is GOOD...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5 & 6

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

God is good. He is way too good to me. With just a little that I give Him he does SO MUCH. It's truly amazing! Truly.

I don't think I have actually written much about my dad's former co-worker, Francisco, with whom he has wanted to set me up for the last few years. This guy is Christian, handsome, tall, friendly, approved by my Dad... the kind of guy I definitely ask the Lord for. Well, I saw him a few weeks ago after not having seen him in about a year and pretty much giving up on him being for me. That meeting re-sparked an interest for him and before I left that evening he had given me a very "friendly" hug and I had given him a very STRONG hint that I would like to see him again. When I was out the door I immediately got on my dad's case about making this happen. That was about 3 weeks ago or so...

This morning I woke up, got my coffee, and sat down in front of the computer to check my Facebook (what? I have to know what's going on.... I can't help it LOL). My dad came out of his room, got his coffee, sat on the couch and then said something akin to the following:

"I talked to Carmen last night (his friend from work who Francisco had confessed to about liking me awhile back). She told me that Francisco called her and told her what you said to him at the BBQ (The Lord had emboldened me to tell him that I hoped to see him again soon and that my dad always talks about him, but I never get to see him). He told her 'How am I gonna see this girl again? You need to throw a party or something so we can see each other again.'"

Haha! YES!!!!! Oh man, finally! I've been trying to be patient this entire time for Carmen to come back from her vacation so that I could give her my number to give to him, but, just as the Lord planned, he had already gotten the ball rolling himself. So awesome!! I am so excited. Too bad my dad's phone died last night before he could give her my number to pass along to him, but I'm not worried. He can give it to her Today. =)

I know that the Lord is in control of this situation. I also know that He has been preparing me for marriage and that this may be the guy. Now I'm just going to stand back and let Him do His thing. If this is the guy, the Lord will make it happen.

Thank you, Lord!!! Thank you! You are way too good to me...

We HAVE been betrayed!

This article by Laura Hollis pretty much exactly expresses how I feel about what our President and government are doing to this country. It's disgusting! It's terrifying. It's WRONG!

These fools don't give a flying crap about how We, the People, feel. Not one bit:

Do any of these charlatans and thieves understand that all of this money they are spending is ours????

It has become abundantly clear that our elected representatives no longer believe that their job is to represent us. Poll after poll shows that a majority of Americans do not want government-run health care, do not think the government will provide better care, do not trust the government to run health care effectively or efficiently, and do not think either the House’s or the Senate’s bill will save money. These beliefs are well-founded, as there is plenty historical evidence of the government’s inadequate cost projections and inability to prevent fraud. But as it has done with every other fiscally failed policy it has created, Congress never admits its errors; it simply sticks its grubby hands into our pockets and takes more.

....

We are being betrayed. We are being stolen from. We are being destroyed from within...

She is so right! We need to get off our butts and make sure that things change in 2010. It's time to get these morons out of there:

The existing Congress consists of sanctimonious frauds and petty despots. They must be defeated in 2010, and that means no more voting for “moderates” who are willing to sell the country down the river for 30 pieces of silver. Or $300 million; apparently, like all government spending, the going rate for betrayal has outpaced inflation over the past 2000 years.

God help us!

Oh, and while I'm at it, here is an article Mike Gallagher was discussing this morning on his radio show. It basically details how teachers in Minnesota will now be required to denounce any belief in the concept of the Amercian Dream in order to teach in that state. Yes, the American Dream--as in the idea that ANYONE can make it in this country DESPITE their race, color, sex, sexual orientation, etc. as long as they work hard. What in the name of all that is holy is wrong with that idea? Read the article to find out... *rolling my eyes*

Welcome, Baby Scotty!

Congrats to my good friends, Brian and Crystal. Their first child, Brian Scott Adams, was born this morning at 4:27 a.m. He was 7 lbs 1 oz and 20 inches long.

Yay!

I pray the Lord's blessing on this child and for their family. So exciting!!!!

A First-time Meeting, First Birthday, First Look after 10 Years, and First Religious Rite

Wow! What a weekend I had. Here’s the breakdown:

Friday
I finally met Internet guy in person. We met up at Starbucks in Chino Hills. I think it went very well. I was comfortable and was totally myself. He was cool. He demonstrated a very good balance of talking and listening. I think it went pretty smoothly. I get the impression he left still interested in me, but I have to admit that I didn’t feel a spark, but that was because I intended for that. I think there is a good chance that in the past, before my he-must-be-a-practicing-and-fruit-bearing-Christian rule, there would have been a spark. But alas, I won't allow it because I will do everything possible to avoid being unequally yoked. I see what some of these women who have unbelieving husbands go through and it’s NOT WORTH IT!

Saturday
We had Alexis’ 1st Birthday party and, other than some drama from my sister about not having enough help (now you know how I always feel planning everyone’s events), it turned out very nicely. More people than we expected showed up. Funny thing was, we still had SO much food left over. Alexis had fun, the few kids had fun playing in the playground and running around, and the adults seemed to enjoy the food and chatting. So I definitely can say it was a success.

That evening, after much begging and convincing from my old class president, I went to my 10-year high school reunion. I feel like it was pretty much a bust. I only saw like 3 people that I knew fairly well--1 person who I think hates me and is under the mistaken impression that I slept with her now-husband (hello! I'm still a virgin... pretty much impossible). The rest were people I absolutely didn’t know or recognize or who were just people that I sort of knew, but who I knew wouldn’t remember me (I look WAY different now—I’ve improved by leaps and bounds in my appearance LOL). My friend, Mike, and my sister, Katie, came with, so at least I wasn’t by myself, but I do feel like I could have done something a little more worthwhile with my money.

If I could make any suggestions to my friend who coordinated the thing: Don’t have the next one at a club. You really don’t know if that somewhat familiar-looking person in the corner over there is someone you went to High School with or just some club patron. Plus, some of us don’t find going to a club conducive with our lifestyles anymore.

Sunday
Kaylin was baptized Catholic. Our friend, Miguel, and I were two of the 4 godparents. Despite the fact that we are not, nor really is Sandy, a Catholic, it was a beautiful event and I was glad to be a part of it. The only time I really felt awkward was when they were asking the saints to pray for us. I think the saints are a little busy worshipping God and being in His presence, and not at all worried about us down here. But whatever; I guess if it makes you feel better. Lol

Afterward, we went to Juan’s parents’ place and pigged out on some yummy food that his mom had made, including everyone’s favorite: her chicken salad. Mm mm mm! We had a Costco cake too and you know you can’t go wrong with a Costo cake. It was just a nice time together too—the two families hanging out. I really enjoyed myself.


What a blessed and fun weekend I had. Overall, I can’t complain one bit. I haven’t felt this much of God’s love and family love in a long time. Hope it continues just like this…

Money Blues

Why does money have so much power in our lives? Whether you have it or don't have it, it causes stress. Right now I DON'T have it and it sure is causing a mountain of stress for me.

I'm on a mission to get out of debt and because of that the majority of each of my paychecks is going towards debt. It sucks! I'm always broke. I can't even afford to buy myself new work clothes. So, after losing about 11 lbs in the last 2 months, I'm walking around at work in some very baggy clothes. It's kind of embarrassing. Instead of looking professional, I look like a slob. No bueno when you are in a high-level place like Administration. Oh well... I have to do what I have to do right now, even if it means looking like a bum. =(

Being broke is really a lesson in sacrifice too. For the first time in my life I am denying myself simple little things--things in the past that I would have just splurged on: A top here or there, eating out, etc. Now it's "make due with what you have" and "buying groceries that will last you 2 weeks is MUCH cheaper than eating out out for 1 week." It's hard, but I'm proud of myself for finally having some self-control.... well most of the time at least. I did recently buy myself a sweater and I was craving a Sampler Trio from Jack in the Box last night. =)

One upside: I feel so much healthier now that I'm eating home-cooked meals everyday... and I hardly ever break out! lol

Anyway, I've said it before and I'll say it again.... DEBT is so not worth it!!!!

What’s said on the road to Phoenix, stays on the road to Phoenix…

Okay, so I said that I would write about my interesting trip to Phoenix last weekend. Well, actually I don’t want to infer that it was a negative experience by saying that it was “interesting.” I actually had quite a good time, I have to say, but it sure started out a little awkward.

The girl I went with is a friend that I know through another close friend (whom we will call “Ms. M”). Lately these two friends have not been speaking to each other for what I thought were very minor and trivial (in my opinion) reasons. So, I was actually contemplating bringing it up and suggesting that it be squashed. Before I could say anything—before I could get on the freeway to head out of town, actually—my traveling friend (we’ll call her “Ms. J”) brought it up.

Ms. J’s story behind why they are not speaking was quite different from what I thought was the reason behind their spat. I won’t get into the details, but I will say that they included the person we were visiting in Arizona (who’s in jail by the way) and me… and in a very awkward (mostly for me) way. She clarified that the person she was mad at was Ms. M and not me by any means, but still. I was scared this was going to set the tone for the whole trip.

Thankfully, it did not. Phew! Because all I could think was, “Great, I’ve been sucked into the middle of some drama and now I have to spend the weekend with someone who is going to be brooding and who may secretly harbor some sort of resentment towards me.” Thankfully, again, it did not go down like that. We talked about it and then it was over and out of our minds (well, I know it was out of mine at least).

We ended up having a great time. We went out to eat, chilled out in out hotel room, watched The Proposal (I admit, I laughed), and had a nice visit with the jailbird (lol). We totally bonded and came back even closer friends.

So… it actually was a pretty successful trip, all drama aside. Except now Ms. M is sending me message after message asking how the trip went and telling me to call her. Why do I think Ms. M is going to grill me on what Ms. J might have said about her during out trip to Phoenix?

Well, I’ve decided that I’m just going to keep my mouth shut and play the dummy, like I have no idea why they are not friends other than for the reasons given to me by Ms. M originally. I DO NOT want to be stuck in the middle of these two friends or be sucked into the drama. I’m too grown for all this…

If I could go back in time….

I would tell my little self to get off my butt; put down the bag of chips, cup of soda, and Nintendo controller; and go outside and play!!!

Every time I look at a picture of myself when I was small (like at 6 or 7 years old) I get so frustrated because you could see that if I would have had proper instruction on diet and exercise I would have been a thin to average size girl all growing up and I wouldn’t have the body and struggles I have now. It’s so sad. Back then I had normal size everything, including legs and arms.

Now, after much work, I am truly not a FAT girl, but I definitely still overweight and have very thick legs and, if not for liposuction, I would have had very large arms right now. Like I said, it’s frustrating. I could have avoided all these “issues” with my body if my parents would have made sure I ate right, didn’t overeat, and got adequate exercise—if they would have just kept me busy! I’m so not making that mistake with my kids…

I would tell my little self to stop being depressed and feeling sorry for myself AND to get over myself--it's not about what I want, but what God wants. Then I would give myself a much-needed hug and say, “Everything is going to turn out okay. Trust in the Lord! He made you and you are pretty (even if that wasn’t all that true back then… lol), smart, and important.”

I think I was born serious, but nevertheless, I think I still could have been a somewhat happy kid. I always felt ignored, not good enough, like I was just some kind of drama queen, like no one cared about me, and that I had something to worry and fear every minute of the day. All I needed was for someone to care and to tell me things were okay, that I was a valuable person, etc. That was all I needed. If I could go back I would tell myself that there is nothing to WORRY about or FEAR. Everything ends up turning out okay because God is in control and He cares…

Bringing you, my newfound reader(s), up to speed...

I haven't blogged in over a week. I was sick and out of the office all of last week. I was so weak that I couldn't stand for more than a few minutes without feeling like I wanted to faint, but I had no fever, cough, congestion, etc.... ??? We thought I might be anemic. Mom made me go to Urgent Care (practically against my will because I hate going to Kaiser and being treated like a hypochondriac). They took blood and urine test and everything came back negative (told you it was pointless to go to the doctor!). I was then diagnosed with a mild viral infection and put out for the remainder of the week to rest.

Now I'm back to work and I have to say, I just am not happy with my job (especially when I have to come back to a bunch of un-handled crap). I know I sound ungrateful, but I'm not going to pretend like it's the greatest thing that ever happened to me. On one hand, it is so awesome to be surrounded by two ladies who love the Lord. I can talk to them about God and my beliefs and I know they will understand what I'm talking about from a godly perspective. I know that this will open doors to advancement for me.

On the other hand, I feel so isolated and sometimes I want to second-guess myself and my abilities, OR I feel like I'm so not getting paid what I should be getting paid. I no longer get overtime hours. I miss my couple of friends and little bit of freedom I had in my old section. Of course, I don't miss the drama, but I do miss not feeling like I have to walk on eggshells all day. My boss was a jerk sometimes, but I knew her and knew how to deal with her. This new guy is just a jerk and I never know what I'm supposed to do to make sure I don't piss him off or do something wrong.

I asked for the Lord to get me out of my old situation or give me more work. He got me out, but to a place that I don't like any better and where I am going to have to be patient and wait for possibly years before something awesome comes along. I know that is ungrateful, but it doesn't change that I just don't like it. The bad economy, lack of jobs, and my debt are the only things keeping me here at this point. This sucks!

Lord, set me straight! I don't want to hate my job....

This week I am supposed to meet my new friend from the Internet (lol... that sounds funny). So far I am not nervous. I think both of us just want to meet the other already. There's only so much you can say over email and text message. Plus, I want to know exactly what this guy looks like in person, and I'm sure he feels the same way. It's just time.

There is something I'm unsure about: Is it messed up that I keep talking to this guy even though I very well know that if something materializes with my dad's co-worker, it will be siyonara? I know we are just friends and he knows that I won't date him if he's not walking with the Lord, but obviously the guy likes me and I feel like he's probably under the impression that he's the only guy I'm trying to talk to right now.

I don't know! I don't play games, but I also want to have options.... I guess I'm being dumb because the bottom line is that Internet guy is NOT an option anyway because he isn't walking with the Lord.

Ay! Why does everything have to be so difficult?

Okay. I don't want to think about this stuff anymore. Back to work. Next time, I'll be writing about my interesting trip to Phoenix/jail over the weekend... Stay tuned.

Support my cousin!

I am so proud of my cousin, Kristi. She is one of those young Christians who is always on fire for the Lord and always has been. I don't think it's ever fizzled out.

Well, she is trying to raise money to go on her own missions trip to Peru to work for Hogar de Esperanza, a Christian-run orphanage. Here's a quote from her blog:

I'm not going to Peru to change the world. I'm going to have my world changed. I'm going to love and be loved. I'm going to do what Christ calls me to do everyday, in every circumstance: be bold in broken places. I hope that my trip will inspire everyone who learns about this trip to do the same.

I totally commend her for this attitude. We all need to focus more on how we can be used by the Lord. I wish I had the financial freedom to go with her (my fault!). I can't, but I can help her.

Please consider "Chipping In" to help her go! She needs to raise $5,000. Any amount helps!

Constructive criticism...

I thought I'd share something that's kind of funny, but sad at the same time. It totally shows just how much more healing I need when it comes to my self-image. lol

I haven't mentioned it much, but since I've had my spacers I have lost like 2 pant sizes. It's not so much the spacers themselves that caused me to lose weight, but the fact that they have forced me to eat a lot more slowly and therefore I am developing the long OVERDUE habit of taking my time and stopping before I've gorged myself. Before I could totally scarf down two plates of any meal, but now I can only manage one. So, as you can imagine, my body is adjusting to a lot less food.

Anyway, I was texting my new "friend" and we got to talking about how much weight we are both losing. I joked that I feel like Cantinflas having to use a belt to hold up my ginormous pants at work (Cantinflas was a famous Mexican comedian--on of my dad's and my favorites--you can read about him here). That's when he sent me a text saying something like, "Instead of coffee, how about a run in the morning?" To which I replied, "I really should, but I don't live in the best neighborhood. But I do Pilates at home and I have an eliptical that I DO use. It doesn't just sit there. lol"

This is the funny part. He then replies back something like, "That's not what I meant. I meant we should go running instead of coffee when we meet. lol" Hahaha... We had earlier discussed meeting for coffee for the first time we are to meet, but I didn't even think of that. I thought he was referring to me cutting out the one cup of coffee I have every morning, and running instead. Oops!

My response: "Hahaha! I told you I take constructive criticism pretty well!"

Well, what I haven't mentioned is that the day before I had emailed him a not-so-hot picture of me in my Halloween costume. In my opinion, I don't look like I've lost any weight in that picture at all. I did not want to send it at first, but decided to anyway because if this guy is gonna like me, he's gonna like me even when I'm not looking my best--not that it matters since we are only friends anyway! (You know it matters though, right? lol) So, I sent it, but I was scared that he was gonna be grossed out by it. So when he mentioned running, I thought he was trying to tell me something after seeing me in that picture. Just kidding!

Man, I am a nerd. That just shows you what I think people think of me. I know I need to work on this and really just start to be okay with this body and face that the Lord gave me. I know they aren't that horrible, but it's hard to find any beauty in myself sometimes. It's just so much easier for me to dwell on the faults and we love to take the easier road, don't we?

Ay ay ay!

Thoughts of the moment...

It’s a good thing Grandpa is dead. Why? I think if he were alive he would be both fearful and mad—fearful because as an older person he could look forward to being considered expendable under Obama’s healthcare “reform” plan should it pass, and mad, as a former Marine, because there are soldiers sitting in Afghanistan right now with no plan of action or direction on what to do, many dying, because our President wants to “take things slowly and really think things through” before sending in more troops. Grandpa, you should be glad you aren’t here for this…

I saw an article the other day about a guy who was getting convicted for the murder of a woman AND her unborn child. That’s a good thing, but why is it that the death of her child is considered murder, but the death of aborted children isn’t? What’s the difference? A fetus is only a human being when it’s WANTED I guess…

Why do so many people who have grown up in America and whose first language is English suck so hard at writing? Even if English was not your favorite subject in High School, you still should know how to speak it, which should translate in your writing. But no, as evidenced by the hours I spend on proofreading at work. Our education system is what sucks so hard…

I’ve discovered that listening to secular music makes me depressed. When I listen to praise and worship or even gospel music, I’m happy, encouraged, feeling good about life, and looking forward to the Lord’s promises. When I listen to secular music I become upset, sad, lonely, love sick—I feel like an all-around loser for not having a significant other, etc., etc. I think I’ll stick to my praise and worship…

I’m shocked that anyone reads my blog. I really didn’t think anyone did at all. I mostly write so that I have a record of what has happened in my life, but now all of a sudden I’m feeling very aware of what I’m writing and how I write it… not that it’s gonna stop me from sharing my opinions. LOL

A regretable Halloween...

So, I've been meaning to write about how my Halloween went, but frankly it's not something I'm even happy to write about. That fact that I'm saying, "my Halloween," bothers me in and of itself.

In the weeks leading up to Halloween I didn't really think twice about whether I was going to participate--as in Trick-or-Treat and go to a party or two. At first the idea didn't bother me at all, but the closer it got to Halloween the more I felt like the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me to stay away.

Last Thursday, my co-worker, who is a Christian, asked me what I was doing for the weekend and I told her that I had multiple invitations to different parties, but that I had decided to go to one with my sister, since she too is a Christian and would not be doing anything crazy (I was wrong about that by the way... read on). The Holy Spirit must have been doing His thing because I immediately said, "Not that I should really be going to any parties anyway." To which she replied, "You'll learn." Meaning, I'm assuming, that I still have a little ways to go before I'm free from the grips fo the world and its influence.

Boy, was that convicting! After that all I had was an useasy feeling about whether I should do anything at all for Halloween. I kept debating with myself over whether I should even go near anything Halloween-related at all, but I also knew that I had promised to go trick-or-treating with my goddaughter and I almost NEVER break my promises to her. So to me, there was no way out of that part.

Eventually, I decided to just go ahead and do trick-or-treating and go to the party with my sister. I figured as long as I didn't dress up in anything evil or dark, I should be okay. Yeah, well, I forgot that you can control what you do, but you can't control what others do. So I was heading for disaster.

Here are the not-so-great highlights:

• While trick-or-treating, I was disgusted left and right by how many 10- to 12-year-old girls were dressed like whores and who's parents didn't seem to have a problem with it.
• My friend decided (in the spirit of Halloween, I guess) to start talking about suicide and the different ways to achieve it right in front of her dauther, my goddaughter, on our way back from trick-or-treating. I then asked why we were even talking about it. My goddaughter agreed that she didn't want to talk about it because it would give her nightmares. Man, I don't care what day it is, that crap is not appropriate. It made me very uncomfortable and I almost told her that when I have kids I'm not leaving them alone with her. lol
• My sister went to the party as a witch AND made it clear that she was going to be drinking.
• Speaking of drinking, this party was a hot, drunken mess and pretty much all the girls (with the exception of my sisters, Tirsa, and me) were some form of slutty.
• There were people there who obviously live "alternative" lifestyles and were not afraid to show it. Everyone thought it was hilarious. I didn't.
• This is the worst: The host was dressed as some Blue Man Group-looking character. That's not so bad, but then he pulls down his pants to uncover a giant blue... well, I guess I'll say "member." Who, of all people, decides he's going to go grab the "member" and proceed to take a picture with it? My very own brother-in-law. Nooooo!!!! All I could do was say, "We are supposed to be Christians! What are you doing?" The even sadder part was that my sister found it funny and was the one taking the picture. How is she supposed to now go back to work and be a witness for Christ? Ay ay ay... That really saddened me, I have to say (I literally want to cry right now).

Well, we left the party early and I was happy about it, but all I could feel the entire rest of the night and rest of the following day was extreme guilt and shame. Why did I take part in this so-called holiday? I knew it was a mistake, but I did it anyway, and I'm so disgusted with myself and with this world in general. In the past, I wouldn't have taken part in anything too crazy, but I wouldn't have sat there and felt wrong about it either. Well, now things have changed. The Lord has opened up my eyes to the nastiness and unholiness that is Halloween.

I'm never having anything to do with Halloween ever again! It wasn't worth it....

Living vicariously...

I admit it. I love reading blogs by and about mothers and motherhood. I would rather read about some random person's child getting his/her first teeth than about what Paris Hilton wore on a night out in Hollywood. I would rather read about the few steps on the way to walking that someone else's child took yesterday than about what's going on in the Middle East. I would rather read about a mother's difficult time getting sleep and losing weight than about how the economy might be starting to look up again.

I know. I have issues.... lol

I'm living vicariously through the lives of mother's I don't even know. I want to be a mom so bad it literally HURTS! It's a nasty, sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach, this longing to have a child... or two... or more. I just want it SO bad, but I have to wait. So, in the meantime, I have to read about the joys and trials of other mothers, all the while taking mental notes for the future, trying to be happy for them and not envious of them.

Lord, help me to be patient, long-suffering, enduring, etc. PLEASE. Otherwise, I think I may go crazy...

Financial Bondage

The phrase I most use lately is “I’m broke!” It’s my answer to every question. “Do you want to go out to lunch with me?” “Nope... I’m broke.” “Can you come down and hang out this weekend?” “Nope... I’m broke.” (Okay, I've been managing to go anyway, but you better believe I don't spend very much money when I'm away from home.) It’s sad but true.

Why is that the most frequently-used phrase in my lexicon right now? Well, I worked it out and found that 65% of my take-home pay goes towards bills and debt (feels like more than that) and the rest to gas, groceries, and other minor emergencies. That is a lot of money that is not going into my pocket, savings, or to the Kingdom of God. I’ve even been scrimping on my tithes lately. I am definitely NOT giving the full 10%. All of this is not okay and it’s my fault!

The Bible clearly warns us about debt:

Do not be a man who strikes hands in pledge or puts up security for debts; if you lack the means to pay, your very bed will be snatched from under you. Proverbs 22:26-27

The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender. Proverbs 22:7

Let no
debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. Romans 13:8

And so many more….

God, through the Bible, gives us commandments that are for our own good! He loves us and wants the best for us, but also wants us to be free to serve Him. Part of serving Him is giving back that with which He has blessed us. How can you do that when you have to hand it off to someone else every month. That’s horrible. “Sorry, Lord. I can’t give You what is rightfully Yours, because I was selfish in the past and needed to have something RIGHT NOW.”

So, now not only am I not to able to give the Lord what He deserves (thereby being disobedient), I can now barely even get the things I need for myself. All because I was impatient and needed things in the moment instead of saving and waiting for them. The even sadder thing is that most of the things that were bought with other people’s money are things that I no longer have or can partake in. So in the long run, it was a big waste times two. A big waste in that I no longer have those things and can enjoy them AND in that I am now paying for them at a much higher price than what they were originally sold for… again, all because I couldn’t wait.

I could kick myself times two… lol

The light at the end of the tunnel though, is that within the next year and a half or so, I should be out of a large bulk of this debt. I’m working on a plan that's already giving me good results and I’m focused on making sure I see it through. I can’t wait for the day when most of my take home pay will go to my pocket, savings, and most importantly to the Lord and His kingdom!

Let this be a lesson to anyone who reads this! =)

If you find yourself in a lot of debt and don't know what to do, ChristianPF.com's Getting Out of Debt articles are a really good place to start.... aside from the Bible of course.