The old me....

So this morning I was thinking about old posts I've written. You can see a big difference in the things I write about now and the things I was writing about up to a year ago. In fact, as a renewed believer in Christ who is for the first time trying to not only talk the talk, but WALK THE WALK, I'm kind of embarrassed and ashamed of some of the things I wrote about. I even considered going back and deleting stuff, just in case someone I go to church with (even my Pastor who has his own blog on Blogger) or someone who knows me as a believer accidentally stumbles across this blog. How embarassing.

Then I changed my mind. That is the old me and now is the new me. Yes, some of the stuff I wrote wasn't exactly pleasing to the Lord, but I can't take back who I was and it might help others to see the difference the Lord has made in my life. I've always claimed to be an open book and so I'm going to continue to be--the good, the bad, and the ugly. Plus, even with all the negativity, bad words, etc., they are my memories... and some of them are just a good laugh. =)

Just kidding on the Job comparison...

LOL.

For one, Gatito is back. Woohoo! I found him wailing and screaming bloody murder two days ago under one of the neighbor's house. Thank the Lord. I think if he would have gone a few days longer he woulda starved to death. He's all skinny and weak. I'm happy to have him back. The Lord is so good to me.

I also appear to be in the clear as far as the lice go. Thank the Lord for that also because really... who wants lice? Not only do they suck (pun intended), but they kind of come with a stereotype of uncleanliness and I really don't want to be seen as some greasy vagabond or something. lol.

So yeah, God is good.

Just call me Job

Just kidding. I totally have not had even half of the issues Job had to deal with, but I couldn't help joking that I was the next Job this weekend. Why?

1) Gatito is gone. It's been a week and I don't think he's coming back. He was like a child to me. Job lost his kids, I lost Gatito.

2) I broke out in some random, freaky-looking rash that according to the doctor is covering my whole upper torso, not contageous, has no explanation as to it's origin, has no cure other than to just go away after awhile, and which itches like crazy. Job got boils, I got crazy random rash.

3) Katie got lice and I was exposed to her for a whole day. I'm still waiting to find out if I got them or not. (It's hard to tell since I'm already itching from the rash.) Don't think Job had lice, but I still consider this to be a possible affliction. lol

So, yeah, I know that what I'm going through is no where near what Job was tested with, but I still think that the enemy is trying to attack me and the Lord has allowed it because He wanted to see how I would handle it.

Well, I think I've been doing pretty good so far. Yes, I was sad about Gatito, but I didn't let it devastate my whole life. I thanked the Lord for his plan and for being in control at all times. I just laughed about the whole rash thing and the lice thing (hence the joke comparisons to Job).

I thank the Lord that He has transformed me so much that I can actually let things roll off my back now and still be thankful and praise Him in EVERYTHING. There is no panic here.

But I do have to say: Ay ay ay! Only me. lol

Gone

I came home yesterday because I wasn't feeling too well due to not being able to catch up on rest since the Women's Retreat last week and the time change (we lost an hour). I was expecting to hear the usual: Gatito on the other side of the door screaming at me. It was totally quiet, but I wasn't alarmed because I was home early and he's used to me getting there later so he was probably still napping. I get in and call his name. Nothing. Call him again. Nothing. Search around. Nothing.

So, I call my dad. "Where is Gatito?"

He tells me that he doesn't know... that he was washing his car in the morning and heard two cats fighting and even saw them run away, but he didn't think any of them was Gatito.

Well, I was pissed for three reasons: 1) Dad knows to make sure the doors are closed; 2) he knows that all the cats in the neighborhood know each other and never fight, so when you hear cats fighting you can pretty much guess that Gatito got out; and 3) it almost sounded (in his voice) like he knew very well that it was Gatito, but probably was in a hurry and didn't want to go after him, expecting him to come home on his own.

Well, dad, he's not home and who knows if he ever will come home!

With tears streaming down my face, I walked around almost the entire neighborhood looking for him, calling his name. He never materialized. Who knows what could have happened to him. I don't even want to think about it. I got back to the house and just prayed and prayed and begged the Lord to bring him back to me. I don't know if this is a test of my faith or what, but I just want my cat back.

In a way I feel at peace right now and comforted by the Lord, but I still want my cat back. I don't want to lose another cat again right now. He's all I have right now (aside from the Lord, of course). He brightens up my day.

Maybe that's it. Maybe the Lord is allowing me to lose Gatito because He wants to be the only one who brightens up my day. I don't know, but I do know this sucks!

I'm just gonna keep praying and hoping that he's just out there on some adventure and will find his way home soon... Please, Lord!

Proverbs 4:14-16

“Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not pass by it; turn away from it and pass on. For they cannot sleep unless they do evil; and they are robbed of sleep unless they make someone stumble.”

Wow. That’s deep. Have you ever known someone like this? Someone who always seems to have so much time on their hands to focus solely on making other people’s lives miserable. They are people who are so miserable themselves that their whole goal in life is to take as many people down with them as they can. I know people like this. I work with people like this. They are sneaky, coniving, plotters.

The sad thing is that in the past I have entertained these people and their stupidity. I’ve gotten sucked into their trash-talking about other people. I’ve sat their and allowed them to try to get information on other people out of me. For that I’m just as guilty.

Now that my eyes are opened to it, though, my shame is right in front of my face and I’m doing everything I can to turn away from that crap and not to play their little games. These kinds of people make me sick. They are sad, sad people.

I will definitely heed the warning of this verse to “not enter the path of the wicked” because, according to a few verses later, “the way of the wicked is like darkness; they do not know over what they stumble (Prov. 4:19). Because of the darkness they live in, they have no idea what they are doing and getting themselves into and what kind of punishment they are in for.

All I can do is pray for the people I know who fit this description. Sad, sad people.

Anatomy of a dream…

People who know me, especially my family members, know that I have a knack for very vivid and sometimes telling dreams. I truly believe that the Lord uses dreams to speak to me and sometimes through me. It’s kinda freaky sometimes.

I generally have 3 kinds of dreams:
· Regular Dreams – Dreams that we all have about random stuff that is usually made up of a mixture of what’s going in my life, stuff I’ve seen on TV, scary stuff I’ve read about or seen, issues with people in my life, etc.
· Fantasy Dreams -- Dreams that consist of my deep down hopes and dreams and things I really want (e.g. getting married, being pregnant). I’m not talking about sexual fantasies, okay! You dirty people… lol.
· Spiritual/Telling Dreams – Dreams where I’m being communicated with, usually by what I’m sure is God.

The first 2 types of dreams are dreams that come out of my subconscious and sometimes even my conscious. The ones from my subconscious and conscious are ones that I can usually attribute to something that’s going on in my life at the moment. They are usually easily interpreted.

The third type of dream is different. I truly believe it’s something I have no control over. Whether it’s a dead family member or the Devil himself, it’s usually someone from outside of myself seeming to try to communicate with me or, in the case of the Devil, test me. Sometimes, I believe it is God just sending me little messages.

Well, the other day I had a dream that struck me, but I don’t really know what category to put it under. On the surface, it could totally be seen as a Fantasy Dream, but I’m not sure that it is. In a way I get the sense that it could be Spiritual/Telling Dream. I have no idea for sure though.

This is what happened:

I dreamt that Henry lived down the street from my mom’s house, and I decided that I was going to give this friendship one last try and go knock on his door. As I walk up the driveway I’m a little apprehensive and almost hope that he doesn’t answer the door. I knock anyway and sure enough he answers. He has this look on his face as if to say, “What the heck are you doing here?”

For a split second I wish I never bothered, but nevertheless in the most cheery way possible I say, “Hey, I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing. I haven’t seen you in a while”

He doesn’t say anything at first, but has this bewildered look on his face and I notice that he has his Bible in his right hand, his finger holding his place. Then he tells me that he was just praying about me. I can’t remember what else he says specifically, but basically he tells me that he was praying and asking God to let him know if he should give me another chance to be a part of his life. He then tells me that he asked God to give him a sign on whether he should reach out to me. Right then I knocked on the door.

Then he opens up his Bible where his finger is holding the place and shows me a scripture. I can’t remember what scripture it was (or even if it was a real scripture in real life), but it said something like, “If you ask me, I will show you what you are asking me for,” or something similar to that. We just look at each other and I think he says something like, "isn't that crazy."

Then the dream ended and moved onto something else.

So weird! I woke up weirded out. I thought, “Okay is this just one of those wishful thinking-type dreams (as in a Fantasy Dream)?”

I don’t know that it is. Usually when I have a Fantasy Dream, I wake up all euphoric and feeling good because it’s usually about something I would love to have happen in real life and you wake up with those residual feelings if happiness from the dream, but that wasn’t the case with this one. I woke up totally flabbergasted. It, as they always do, felt so real. I could feel how freaked out Henry was in the dream and it freaked me out.

Then again, I really don’t know if it’s just a Fantasy Dream mixed with a General Dream because of the fact that, 1) yes, I would love for Henry to come to his senses and realize that he walked away from a good thing (Fantasy) AND 2) a few godly women in my life have told me that they feel like the door is not closed on this whole thing with Henry (General). These two factors could have influenced my subconscious and thus produced this dream.

But like I said earlier, I didn’t wake up feeling all “special.” I woke up feeling like this could possibly be the Lord trying to tell me something, but I’m not sure. Aaahhh! I don’t want to over-think this. I also don’t want to mistake a fantasy for a message from God. The most annoying part of the whole thing is that I was finally moving on and not thinking about Henry. It’s just been bothering me since I woke up that morning, so I can’t stop thinking about it and, as a result, him.

Either way, I’m trying to move on with my life and I am planning to get more involved in church and try to put myself out there in the hopes that when I am least paying attention and when I least expect it, the man the Lord has for me will come out of the woodwork. I guess, though, that if the Lord has it in His plans for me to be with Henry, it will happen… dream or no dream, plans or no plans.

Ay ay ay…. This really doesn’t need to be this deep, does it?