Brain warped...

Sometimes I feel like a terrible Christian.

That's what I thought as I sat in Bible Study tonight--even when the Lord was using me to speak truth to someone.

I know we all fall short, but I feel like I ALWAYS fall short... too short. I feel like a nutjob who falls short way too much. I can't keep up.

FAIL.

Hypocrite.

Disgusting sinner.

Falling for the flesh over and over again.

Crazy person.

Overly emotional.

God has spared every man from me. Please spare me of me.

It's not everyone else, it's me. I'm the problem...

When will I be able to always be doing what's right in the eyes of God? Help me, Lord. Help me.

Christ in action and close to home...

My sister emailed me this article, featuring her father-in-law, Ron Joller. It is just another example of Christians BEING Christians... not because they have to, but because they want to...

Driven to help
Unsung volunteers shuttle the Santa Clarita Valley’s homeless off the
streets to the winter shelter

By Tammy Marashlian
Signal Assistant City Editor
Posted: Jan. 23, 2010 8:06 p.m.

A white van pulled up to the Canyon Country library on a recent cold Thursday night.

A crowd of tired, bundled people waited outside. Some murmured greetings to the driver. Others just climbed in, clutching their faded backpacks and worn bags.

"Everybody in?" asked driver Ron Joller, 68.

A collective "yep" came from the passengers. Some closed their eyes and kept quiet.

"How many we got?" Joller asked.

"Five from here," a couple of the passengers responded. In the front passenger seat, Pat Gunther, 73, tallied the number on his clipboard.

The van rolled out of the parking lot, headed to its next pick-up spot. Passengers passed the time staring out the windows and quietly talked to one another. The windows creaked as a cool breeze swept through the van. Soon, the passengers would arrive at the Santa Clarita Valley Emergency Winter Shelter.

There, they would enjoy a hot meal and spend the night away from the streets and the cold.

Joller and Gunther are volunteer drivers who pick up most of the shelter's clients from three local stops.

The two, who have been friends for nearly two decades, are the first of the shelter's volunteers to greet the community's homeless each Thursday night.

Read the rest here...

I'm proud of Ron and his friend. They are truly showing Christ in action. Afterall, Christ said that true love is laying down one's life for his friend. In this case, Ron is laying down his Thursday nights to help some local friends. Very cool. =)

Sharing some thoughts…

We look at men without jobs like they are good for nothing. When they are choosing to be out of a job, I would agree, but many nowadays aren’t choosing to be out of a job—there aren’t enough to go around. I blame the economy just like everyone else, but I also blame Feminism. If women didn’t demand to be in the workplace when they're married instead of being at home with their kids, there would be more jobs for men. Jobs aren’t the only things negatively impacted by this though. There would also be more marriageable men out there because they would be expected to be working and more responsible at earlier ages. So yeah, I blame feminism for taking away what men were born to do: WORK.

It’s great to see how the country was able to send a big message to Washington when they voted a Republican into the Massachusetts Senate seat yesterday. What’s the message? “Even though we are a liberal/Democrat state, we DO NOT LIKE what you guys are doing and we want our voices heard!” The rest of the idiots better watch out because there are plenty of elections coming up in November and they are all in danger if they don’t start to listen to the voice of the people… especially on the proposed Health Care bill. We don’t want it! Understand already!

It royally pisses me off when a so-called “Christian” leader, like Pat Robertson, says some ignorant crap that makes the rest of us Christians look like total insensitive, judgmental jerks. To imply that Haiti had it coming because of a myth (Google it, Mr. Robertson) about selling its soul to the Devil is stupid. Even if it were true, did he really think the world was going to look at that statement as anything other than CRAZY? Ay ay ay! Hasn’t he read the multiple verses in Proverbs about a wise man knowing when to keep his mouth shut? *rolls eyes* This is why I don't watch TBN... bunch of false and foolish teachers!

If the Left is going to call the Tea Party Movement members “Tea Baggers,” which is totally crude and disgusting, then can I propose that we call them something equally crude like “D-Baggers”—as in Douche Baggers? LOL. Oh, I crack myself up sometimes.

And those are my thoughts of the day….

Haiti

I'm reading the news, like this article, and my heart breaks for the utter devastation and loss of life after the magnitude 7.0 earthquake that hit Haiti yesterday. Other articles are showing pictures of the mess, including dead bodies. It's so increadibly heart-wrenching. I can't help but cry.

I wish I could go and help because that's what they need. As an interviewer spoke with a lady in Haiti, these were here words to the world: "We are going to need help re-building, but right now we need search and rescue. I repeat, we need search and rescue."

*sigh* It was like a mayday call. SO SAD.

I finally came across this article, which lists ways to donate. I decided to donate $10 to the Red Cross Relief Fund for Haiti by texting "Haiti" to 90999. It's a great way to donate because you don't have to provide a credit card number or get on the phone with anyone--it's instant. The $10 is charged to your cell phone bill.

Won't you join me and do the same? If we all give $10, that will add up to a lot of relief money. It's not as good as going and physically helping, but it's better than nothing...

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Psalms 46:1-3

Bless the broken road...

I set out on a narrow way
Many years ago
Hoping I would find true love
Along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign
Pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart
They were just northern stars
Pointing me on my way
Into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
And led me straight to you

I think about the years I spentJust passing through
I'd like to take the time I lost
And give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of his grander plan
That is coming true

(From Bless the Broken Road by Selah)

This song has been on my mind left and right. I’ve heard it before, but never thought twice about it. It was released by Rascal Flats a couple years ago, and I’m not a big country music fan, so I sort of ignored it. Well, since Mom moved in and commandeered the TV, I decided to dust off my Season 1 of Dawson’s Creek (that was my show!) and watch it on the spare TV. On the very last episode, right when Dawson has realized that he loves Joey and goes searching for her, they play the song in the background. Don’t ask me why, but I started to cry. For the first time I really listened to the words.

Since that day, I can’t get the words out of my head. I’m constantly humming it or even singing it, and I hear it everywhere. The siblings of an addict on A&E's Intervention sang it on the show. A guy even sang it last night on the American Idol auditions. Lol

When I sing it though, I sing it to God. I feel like this song perfectly articulates my relationship with Jesus. As the song says, I’ve spent a lot of my life on a “broken road,” searching for “true love.” “I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to” my Lord.

The whole Chorus reads just like the last couple of years of my life:

Every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart

They were just northern stars

Pointing me on my way

Into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

And led me straight to you

I guess this is why I cry when I think of or hear this song. It describes the love story between Jesus and me. Nothing and no one ended up doing for me what He does. HE is my true love. It is a broken road we all have to travel to get to God, but when we look back we can see that it was all worth it because it took us directly to Him.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing the broken road that let me straight to You. You were there to take my hand and You do understand (because You know what it is to be tempted, rejected, etc.). It WAS all part of Your grander plan that is coming true...

It's not an "over night" thing...

Today, I found myself drifting into thoughts about marriage and my own house. I had to stop myself. Didn't I JUST ask the Lord to take away my desire for all that? I stopped myself and again asked the Lord to make Himself the center of my hopes and dreams.

Ay ay ay! Obviously, this sort of request doesn't happen over night.... *sigh*

Hmmm... I can see that this is going to take some work on my part. As my dad would say, "Todo yo!" (Roughly translated: "I have to do everything!") LOL.

Just kidding! I know You, Lord, are the One doing all the work. I should sit back and appreciate it. =) I do, Lord. I do...

All or nothing...

Last night, in my praying, I asked for something I've never asked for before and frankly it terrified me to ask. I asked God to take away my desire for marriage.

I know that my desire for marriage is the wall between God and I. Sometimes the wall is intact and I can't see God through it at all. Sometimes the wall has holes in it and I can see Him on the other side, waving at me to come on over already. It's hard because that wall is so pretty and magical... that wall represents all MY hopes and dreams and that's why I keep putting myself behind it, but that's MY side of the wall. The other side of the wall, the one that God can see, is not so pretty. It's sticky and ugly and full of sadness and lonliness--a place where I will never be fulfilled. That's why God is trying to get me out from behind it.

No matter how shiny and pretty my dream of marriage is, it's never going to make me as happy as being in God's presence. Yet I just can't seem to let go... This is why I have asked Him to take away all desire for marriage from me--as scary as it is. It's scary because it means I have to accept the idea that putting the Lord first could very well mean NEVER being married. *shudder*

I know it's what I have to do... I have to put God first because otherwise all of this is for nothing.

The Decade in Review - Conclusion

Sorry for the delay in my conclusion. Here goes…

So, as I said at the end of my last post, right when things are at their worst, God is able to come in and do His perfect work.

Before I get into that, however, I want to say that I won’t be going into great detail about everything that has occurred in the last two-three years, as much of it is covered in previous blog posts. What follows is what has happened in my spiritual life in that time period because that is the point, I believe, to everything. =)

Anyway, not long after I had hit my breaking point, I began to long to be a part of church, not just an attendee. I knew nothing else was working for me. I inquired about Women’s Bible Study in early 2008, but I was too late. Signups were over and that session’s study was just winding up. I was so disappointed and frustrated. I was lonely and hurting inside, and knew I needed the fellowship of other believers. I walked away from the information booth that day literally angry. I was feeling way too impatient to wait all the way until September! Alas, I had no choice.

So, after about a half a year’s wait (it felt like a whole year) and even more stupidity in my life, I’m sure, I was finally able to sign up for Women’s Bible Study, which would start in September. That was in August or so, which is also around the time that I committed to praying for Sandy’s, Juan’s and Mandy’s salvation everyday until they had accepted the Lord. These two things were my first steps on the road to true Christianity and a REAL relationship with Jesus Christ.

From day one, I knew I was in the right place and doing the right thing. It’s like the Lord started to then accelerate the work He had already begun in me. I immediately was convicted about numerous things in my life and started to change. Then one day, driving to study, I had a “light bulb” moment. The Lord finally got it through my head that my purpose in life was not to be married or be a mom—in short to fulfill my wishes for my life. My purpose was to serve and bring glory and honor to Him. My whole mindset changed after that.

Then early last year, I went to the Women’s Retreat. It is there that my life really changed. It is there that I decided to surrender all to God. It is there that I realized that I was wasting my singleness worrying about if and when I would get married and not serving the Lord. It is there that I decided to never turn back.

I decided to get baptized. Finally! I wanted to show the world my allegiance to my God. I waited and waited for an announcement of when the next round of baptisms would take place. It was finally announced that they would take place on July 26, 2009—my (and the church’s) 28th birthday! So perfect! So on my birthday, I was truly born again, a new creation in Jesus Christ, and by my very own pastor, Pastor David. Awesome! It was truly the greatest birthday of my life!

Now, I’ve had my ups and downs in the short time since my baptism (all you have to do is read my recent blog posts), but overall, my life has never been so blessed and amazing. As the song says, “Oh no. You never let go, through the calm and through the storm.”

The last decade ended far better for me than how it started. I went from being an unsure, immature, overweight, unmotivated, ungodly girl to a woman who is confidant in Christ, mature, healthy, productive, and FORGIVEN. I have learned so much and grown even more. I count it a successful decade because of the knowledge and growth, but most importantly because of the re-awakening of my love for the God who sent His only Son to die so that I could be forgiven of all the crap that went down in that decade (and is to come, since I am still a sinner) and come out of it a new creation, blameless and set free through His shed blood.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17

Hallelujah! Amen!

Deep Thoughts by Kristina

Another interruption to my Decade in Review, sorry….

Today I was thinking about all the stories I’ve heard from married people where they say something like, “I knew the first time I met/laid eyes on him/her that I would marry him/her.”

I’m going to be really honest here. I'm a girl. So, I admit that I’ve met/dated guys and thought, “I could see myself married to that person,” even though I had only known them for as little as a day. =) I’ve also met guys and shortly after started daydreaming about them being my husband.

Unlike everyone else, though, it seems like as soon as I start to do that, the person disappears or immediately ceases to be an option. What’s up with that? How come my magical love epiphany never comes true while their's do?

When and IF I meet the man I’m going to marry am I going to do the same thing I always do (daydream, etc.), or am I going to be indifferent? I wish I could get a magical love epiphany that actually stuck.

It seems like my life always turns out exactly the OPPOSITE of how everyone else’s does. What's so different about me?

Riddles, I tell you. Riddles….

The Decade in Review - Part 3

And the story goes on…. Are you still with me? lol


So, I forgot to mention in my last post that very shortly after starting with the County I was moved up to the Administration offices of my district. I was there for about 7 months when my boss asked if she could recommend me for a position at DPSS’ Headquarters—about 40 miles away in the City of Industry. About 2 days prior to her asking me, I had asked God to get me out of Dodge. I was ready for a change. Well, He answered my prayer. The moment she asked me and I said yes, I new in my heart that I would get the position… This was before I even went on the interview.

In August of 2005, I packed up all my stuff, moved in with Dad in Pomona (20 minutes away from work), and reported to the Specialized Supportive Services Section. This was the best career decision I had made up to that point and one of the best life decisions too. Not only did my move lead to promotion, but it also got me on the road back to the Lord.

Before moving, I had already started to attend church more regularly than I had in a long time. The Lord was re-entering my life slowly, but surely. So, when I got to Pomona, the Holy Spirit was laying it on my heart to find a church home. I even randomly had a tech guy tell me I needed to find a church. Despite all these clear messages though, it took me about a year before I finally went searching.

Finally--I’m sure after some sort of heartache in my life--I hopped online and searched for churches nearby. The first church I found was Calvary Chapel of the Chino Valley (CCCV). It was literally around the corner and down the street. I decided to check it out. I went by myself and almost from the first visit, I was in love. It was a large church, but if felt like a welcoming community. On my second visit, I found out that the Church and I had the same exact birthday: July 26, 1981. I knew I had found my church.

Of course, I still wasn’t fully committed at this time and, even though I was attending church weekly, I was still going out and “having fun” with friends back in the Valley and with a new friend—my boss of all people. The woman was twice my age, but partied like a rockstar. We had some good times, but we also had some tense times.

Advice: Don’t party with or have a close friendship with a boss, I don’t care how cool they seem; it will ALWAYS affect work somehow. Trust me!

Anyway, being that I worked with almost all people 10 years or more my senior, I wasn’t able to make too many friends at work and hadn’t made any friends in my area or at church. I’m shy and it’s hard for me. So I was constantly feeling lonely and as a result, I was driving down to the Valley a lot to see my family and friends… still getting into shenanigans.

Late 2006 and into 2007 was a crazy time for me. Sandy had been dating a new guy, Juan, who we knew and weren’t sure we approved of. I went out with them a couple of times and found that I actually liked Juan. Lucky for him, because not too long after we found out that Sandy was pregnant. *sigh* That was stressful because I think we subconsciously started being scared we were going to lose Sandy from our lives. Then on top of that stress I was involved as a bridesmaid in Misty’s wedding. All of it was stressful, but it was also happy times.

A little after the wedding and for my 26th birthday I decided to do a trip to Las Vegas. I wanted it to be a fun, relaxing trip for me and a select few girls in my life. I got a 2-room, 2-bath condo about 2 miles from the Strip on my own dime so that the girls wouldn’t have to worry about that expense. All I asked for was no drama. That didn’t happen. From the beginning there were snags in everything and it just ended up being a horrible trip and horrible birthday. What resulted from all the drama was 1) my family and closest friend thinking that I was depressed to the point of alcoholism and maybe even suicide (so not the case—long story), and 2) the loss of my best friend because of a stupid, pointless argument from a complete misunderstanding.

Things were sucking hardcore and I was ready to just purge all negativity from my life and start over. Misty wasn’t the only friend that I walked away from at that time. I also dumped Ramon. His infantile girlfriend had dumped him and his dad was dying, so he reached out to me, and as usual, I jumped right in to pick up the pieces. I was there for him when his dad finally passed and tried to nurse his wounds. How was I repaid? I was taken for granted and treated as second best all over again. I had finally had enough and I told Ramon that our friendship was over. He tried to apologize, but in the end was not able to see everything he had put me through all those years. I was over it.

Life was feeling horrible at this point, and right when you are down and out, in the gutter, at your worst, and broken, well, THAT’S when the Lord is able to really work with you and in you…

Post-Feminist Double-Standards...

Excuse me for interupting "The Decade in Review." It will continue shortly. In the meantime, here is some politics for you....


At work I’m surrounded by Liberals. It’s a given when you live in Southern California and especially when you work for the Department of Public Social Services (a.k.a. the Welfare Dept.). Most of these people really believe they are helping the poor and not perpetuating dependence on the government. It’s noble idea, but it’s not reality. Many of the people who are receiving aid through this department have been in the system since they were children and really don’t care to become self-sufficient. You know this because when they call the first thing out of their mouth most of the time is “I want MY money!” Yes, that money that you have worked so hard for all of your life. Pul-leeeease!

I’m going off point here. Sorry. Back to my MAIN point.

With many Liberals come crazy post-feminist ideas. This morning I got a little of it from the big boss. For the second time since I started working in Administration, he chided me about my shoes. What’s wrong with my shoes, you ask? They aren’t ugly. LOL. Well, that’s not exactly what he said…

We both walked into the building together this morning and as we headed up the stairs, he asked if my shoes hurt me. I told him they didn’t and that they weren’t high heels (he had previously given me a hard time about my 3-inch heels). He then pointed out that they were very pointy (implying that they must squeeze my toes). I then assured him that my feet were quite comfortable.

Then it came out (and I’m paraphrasing here): “Fashion shouldn’t hurt,” and, “You’re health shouldn’t suffer for fashion…. I’m talking about your future health too.”

Ay ay ay! Now this man didn’t come out and say “Listen, this is a modern society and women shouldn’t have to bend and distort their bodies just to fit the image of what society thinks is beautiful…” and blah blah blah, but it was implied.

That may very well be true, but isn’t also the feminist ideal that women are in charge of their own bodies and their own choices? Aren’t we to be informed of all of our options and then, being aware of these options (in this case footwear), isn’t it still ultimately up to us to choose whether we want to bend and distort our bodies in a way that makes us feel pretty?

This is what drives me nuts about the Liberal notion of feminism: They try to tell women that women shouldn’t let society dictate what beauty is to them, but in the same breath are trying to tell women what they shouldn’t be wearing, buying, eating, etc. There is such a double-standard. Aren’t you telling me how I should live as you are instructing me not to listen to how everyone else is telling me how to live? It makes no sense. Hypocrites.

I’m sorry, but I LIKE looking pretty and being feminine, and I’m not down with flats, medical-looking shoes, Crocs, Birkenstocks, and any other hideous hippie shoes. Besides, what does it matter to you if I risk my health while doing so? Oh wait. I forgot it does matter to you because under your Messiah’s… er Obama’s healthcare plan, you’ll be paying my healthcare costs. Oh I see now….

The Decade in Review - Part 2

Back to my story…

By the time I got into the Entertainment Dept., some friendships had changed. Michelle had 1) had her second child, 2) been left alone after her husband was put in jail, and eventually 3) got herself involved with a group of drug addicts who led her into a Meth addiction. She herself landed in jail and at that point I had had enough. I didn’t answer her calls anymore and walked out of her life, and painfully, her children's lives (I'm still working on forgiving her for this). Ramon, my other so-called Best Friend, had begun dating a very young and immature girl, who had never met me, but hated me, and who thought it smart to send me text messages “warning” me to stay away from him. Needless to say, I went off and “warned” him that I better never run into her. Thanks to her, I hardly heard from him and our relationship was never the same after that.

As I was saying in my previous post, at the Entertainment Dept. I began to build a group of friends. Being the secretary, I was in the middle of all the different cliques (yes, there were cliques. I know its very “High School,” but this wasn’t exactly a corporate environment full of mature adults—it’s a theme park. Lol). I would bounce around to the different groups, but then became interested in a certain Float Driver (for the Looney Tunes Parade) named Jon. Through my attempts at getting close to him, I became incorporated into the awesome group of people known as the Float Crew: Mandy, Sean, Vicente, Jon, and others. These became my main group of friends. They were the chill, neutral group that just wants to have fun, which is sort of what I was as the secretary.

Through my friendship with Mandy, I was introduced and eventually brought into her family. I became instantly attached to her 3-year-old daughter Julia (a.k.a, "Baby"), who is now my unofficial goddaughter. Mandy and I had our ups and down, but through my love for her child, we began to develop a very close friendship… even through her very short relationship with Jon. Yes, Jon, the guy I was interested in and sort of dated for a while. Looooong story, and this one is already long enough as it is.

Around this time also, Kim and Mike started to get very hot and heavy and Kim eventually moves in with him. I still wasn’t liking the guy all that much and the more people encouraged me to like him the more I didn’t want to (yes, that would be stubborn pride, folks!), but he eventually proved himself (sort of) and grew on me. Sandy was also dating and living with Joe, one of my least favorite people on the planet. This guy is an extremely intelligent guy, who unfortunately is too smart for his own good. That coupled with extreme self-hate, lead him to enjoy playing mind games with people, including Sandy. He ended up being very emotionally abusive with her and cheated on her. Thank God, he left her, especially before she could get pregnant, or worse, marry the guy. It was a blessing from above.

In 2004, I decided enough was enough and vowed that I would leave Six Flags for good right after Fright Fest (their yearly Halloween event). Everyone laughed and said that they had heard that one before (so many had left only to come right back), but I was serious. I went online and saw that the County of Los Angeles was hiring clerks. I applied and very soon thereafter received a letter to go take the test. I took the test and was offered a job right around Halloween and was to start in December. Like I promised, I was out of there... but not for good. I stayed on for weekends for about another year before I finally quit for good.

From about 2004 to 2006, aside from working and going to school off-and-on, I was hanging and partying with my group of friends, who had also expanded to include Mike and the Palmdale boys. What came with them was a lot of parties and alcohol. I also became VERY close to Misty who was one of the girls I started with in my first County District Office. We became Best Friends in almost an instant. We learned a lot from each other.

I can say that I had a lot of "fun" at this time of my life, but again, I know that kind of fun wasn’t very pleasing and honoring to the Lord. It got so bad that on my 25th birthday I got so drunk I ended in up in the Emergency Room. No bueno.

I look back at those times and wince at how stupid I was. I grew up in the Church and I knew better. BUT I also look back and am grateful. The Lord was about to start to turn things around…

The Decade in Review - Part 1

I just got done reading this article on Boundless and it made me stop and really think about how the last decade was for me. Wow. SO MUCH has changed in my life and yet some things have stayed exactly the same...


In the year 2000, I was 18/19 years old, fresh out of High School, and not as close to the Lord as I should have been. I had zero ambition and no idea of what I would do with myself. I wasn't in school yet, but I was working under the table doing Medical Transcription and then eventually got a job at Mervyn's in the Burbank Mall. My closest friend, Michelle, was pregnant senior year and gave birth to my first psuedo-godchild Destiny during this time. Despite having practiced the fine art of Bulimia on and off through High School and up until this point, I put on about 20 or so of those post-High School pounds that most girls put on and I had still never been kissed. I was a sad case I have to say. Sad sad case.

I eventually quit Mervyn's and started baby steps into community college. I start the Atkins diet and lose about 40 or 50 lbs., which in and of itself forever changes my life because it is the one thing that makes me stop shoving my finger down my throat. My sisters and I started working at Six Flags Magic Mountain where we are known as "the KKK" (Kristina, Kim, and Katie--thanks, Mom!). When I was almost 20, I finally had my first kiss from some jerk who I saw maybe one time after that, but I really didn't care... I had FINALLY been kissed! I went buck wild--well as buck wild as a virgin can get (LOL)--and started kissing every boy I could find. This was also the time that Sandy, my now "adopted" sister came to live with us. I started catching up on the so-called "fun times" you are supposed to have in High School and College and started going to parties, cruising with the girls, meeting boys.

I quit Six Flags and then come back after awhile, but this time I'm working at Hurricane Harbor under my old High School Class President, Karina. Through our adventures and right about the time I was to turn 21, I meet Ramon who will become one of my best friends. Sandy, my sister Kim, and I proceed to start hanging out with a group of guys we deep down knew were bad news. Drama, heartache, and discord ensue. Kim eventually moves out to her own apartment at 18 years old. She also meets her future husband Mike, who is 12 years her senior and who big sister Kristina DOES NOT LIKE AT ALL. Things were stressful at this time.

Ramon and I get very close, and we are hanging out EVERY day. I fall madly in love; he not so much. I pretty much waste a year or so of my life trying to get this guy to love me. I go to therapy for the first time in my life. It helps a little, but not enough--the depression is just too strong. I now know it was because I wasn't living my life for the Lord, so no amount of therapy was really going to do anything, but it was nice to talk to someone at least.

By this time I have gone on from Hurrican Harbor to the Entertainment Department. I begin to make a whole new set of friends, some who will end up becoming what are now some of my closest friends Today...

Bloggin' fool...

Wow! I'm going into my 4th year of this blog (my almost 6th year of blogging altogether). That's crazy. Seems like I started just yesterday. Who knew I could have so much to say, but then again, I believe it. I CAN be self-centered, opinionted, blunt, passionate, etc. at times.... lol

I just checked out my first post to this blog and thought it was funny that I set rules for myself. Although I understand why I did. At the time, I really wasn't using my head before I wrote certain things and it was getting me in trouble.

Anyway, I don't know that I really stuck to them:

1. Nothing about family (unless it's good news; i.e., "So and so" is pregant. Yay!)

I mostly kept that promise, but since I know that none of my family read this, what little I have written about them hasn't necessarily been all that censored.

2. Keep it about me.

Obviously, I kept this rule. Haha!

3. Use less negative opinion.

HAHA! Yeah right! What can I say? This new President is enough negative fodder for me as it is...

4. Try to keep the people informed (which I did a lot of on MySpace already).

I haven't done enough of this, in my opinion. Maybe I'll start. Although, if you check out some of my blog list down on the Right there, you can pretty much find stuff that's in-line with what I believe, spritually and politically. I also post a lot on my Facebook.

5. Keep my readers limited to only people that I actually have real relationships with.

Like I said above, I don't think any of my family, or friends for that matter, even read this thing. It's mostly Anonymous and other unknowns, if even that. =)


It's funny how much a person can change in 5 or 6 years, yet how much she can stay the same: NUTS!

Let's get it on!

It's a new year. Let's do this!

It's a time to start over and a time to look forward to things that will come--both bad and good. Everything that happens will mold and shape me and prepare me for what's to come in life, so I welcome it. I know the Lord has me in His hands. He is the Father of second chances and new beginnings.

I have things to look forward to this year that are known (moving back home, possibly changing locations at work) and unknown. I take all of it willingly and with an open heart. What do I have to lose? Nothing. I still have my Lord in the end.

So, I go forward in hope and love for my God. What else can I do, really?

Let's do this!