Second thoughts... the Update

So after all my fear and fretting (which by now I should know better than to do), everything with me pulling out of the Condo went fine. I called the Realtor up and she was totally understandable. She even said that if I was her daughter she would advise me against getting the place too because of the driving distance.

Phew!

So now the hunt is back on. I'm hoping I can find something just as great (or even better?), but a lot closer to where I'll be hopefully working very soon. The good thing is that if for some crazy reason this promotion is not approved, I'm looking in a place where I will be minutes from where I work now.... so it will work out either way.

I'm kinda excited to get out and look again. I'm not gonna lie.... it's fun. =)

Hope I can find my very own place very soon... and for real this time. lol.

Second thoughts...

So I was recently offered an amazing promotion and I jumped all over it, even though I know that the drive from where I'm trying to purchase my condo to work will be horrendously long. I couldn't pass up the opportunity, but now I'm having buyer's remorse... for the Condo.

Thankfully, it's not bought... yet.

When I agreed to commit to this particular place I really didn't foresee getting any kind of promotion in the near future and was fine with the location and how far it is from my current workplace. Well now that I know I will have to drive AT LEAST an hour and a half (one way) every day, I'm really not so sure about the location.

I've been waiting for a good 3 months now to hear back from the bank (it's a short sale). I still haven't gotten any news. I've also been sort of checking out condos a little closer to Downtown LA and the prices are really going down (a few months ago, the areas I was looking at were way out of my price range). I'm starting to think I might want to pull out of this one and start looking elsewhere.

The problem? My conscience. When my realtor put my offer in, she asked me if I was sure I wanted to commit because they had already had someone else walk away from the property in the middle of the process. I assured her that yes I was ready to commit.

Yeah, well that was before I got offered a job a million miles away.

I am a woman of my word and I don't make promises I don't intend to keep, but I also had no way of knowing that God had a huge blessing in store for me... So.... now I'm completely torn. I really don't want the house anymore. I really do want to look closer to work. I really don't want to let these people or my realtor down and definitely don't want anyone upset with me.

*sigh*

The other problem? Although I'm confident this job is mine, there is no guarantee until the paperwork is signed and approved. There is also no guarantee that the bank will approve the short sale.

Right now I don't know if I should call the realtor and tell her I want out so I don't waste anyone's time any more than I need to, or wait and see what happens. I have no idea.

I've been praying like crazy asking the Lord to tell me what to do, and so far I still don't know.

If it were up to me, I would just pull out, to be honest, but I want to make sure that what I want is exactly what the Lord wants for me also...

=(

Praying for enemies...

There is someone in my life right now who is…. well… shady. She is trying to play games. She thinks she is sneaky. She’s trying to mess with my life and my future.

Do I think she has the power to significantly affect me in a negative way? Heck no! I have God on my side. And that’s the thing… I have God, but does she?

I tend to think that people who play games and are underhanded, are people who are unhappy with life and with themselves and probably don’t truly have a real and close relationship with Jesus Christ. Those of us who love God may not always be so secure in ourselves and sometimes maybe even find ourselves jealous of others over blessings and situations that maybe we wish we were in (we are still human afterall), but because we love the Lord, we aren’t going to go out of our ways to make the lives of others more difficult because of that envy. I would hope not at least. I know I don’t behave that way.

In the end, no matter how weak in the Lord I might be for a moment, it’s still about honoring God and doing what Jesus told us, which is to treat others the way we want to be treated.

With that said, I know I need to pray for this girl. She needs the Lord. She needs him because “who can eat and who can have enjoyment without Him?” (Ecclesiastes 2:25) She needs him so that she can stop worrying about other people’s lives and start living her own.

Lord, help me to pray for this girl and to forgive her… and even to love her. Help her, Lord. She really needs you. Please also, Lord, don’t allow her to prevail against me or anyone else. Thank you, Jesus, that I know you have me always and there are 10 million verses in your word to back that up!

Prayer: All the difference in the world...

Lately I'm so thankful for prayer. Not just for my prayers and communications with the Lord, but for the prayer that people have covered me with. It really does make all the difference. When people are praying for you, you feel it. There is assurance and peace.

Thank you, Lord.

Right now I have a group of various women of God who are praying over me and another person. Normally in the type of situation they are praying for, I'm restless and unsure, but right now I feel totally at peace and like I know I can trust that the Lord has it. I know He does. I can now look back on my life and see that He has been with me and protective of me the whole time.

Thank you, Lord!

If you're a praying person, please keep me in your prayers. God knows what about. I just want His will and His will alone. Amen!

P.S. Off topic: I've now surpassed my original goal of 30 lbs lost and am at 32 lbs lost. Woohoo!! Exciting. =)

Oh and 35 days til NYC! =D

RIP Baby Girl...

There is so much hoopla going on right now in anticipation of the 10-year anniversary of 9/11. There is another 10-year anniversary that I know rocked my world. 10 years ago today, the singer/budding actress Aaliyah passed away in a plane crash.

Just like 9/11, I can remember exactly where I was when I found out that pretty much my favorite R&B singer of the time was dead. My friend Suzy and I were waiting to be called for a table at the Hard Rock Cafe at Citywalk (pretty fitting actually) when I got a call from my sister, "Aaliyah is dead. She died in a plane crash."

WHAT?!

It was surreal at first. I went on with dinner and kind of didn't think too much about it. When I got home though, it really hit me. My sisters and I were really devastated. What didn't help was the following couple of days working at the Tollgate at Six Flags. EVERY SINGLE car that pulled up to pay for parking was bumping some radio stations all-day tribute to Aaliyah. I literally had to go home early one day because I couldn't take it. That's how much I loved her.

Looking back, it's still so sad. She was really on the rise and she was so talented. Who knows what would have become of her if she would have lived. Just like Selena and others gone before their times, we'll never know. The great thing is that she left behind some great music: Four Page Letter, Are You that Somebody, One in a Million, etc.

Aw. Sad day. =( RIP "Baby Girl"

God's formula....

Oh man, I needed this:

The perfect formula for God. | Stuff Christians Like – Jon Acuff

Darn you, Jon Acuff, and your tear-jerking posts.... =)


Oh, and my favorite comment from a reader:
"If my God is small enough to predict...He isn't big enough to worship."

Amen!

Think happy thoughts...

The following blog post is designed to take my mind off of my current troubles and help me think happy thoughts. Here goes nothin...

40 Days.

40 days til Time Square, Central Park, Brooklyn, pizza, boots & scarves, Broadway, taxis, Grand Central Station, delis and pastrami sandwiches, World Trade Center, Serendipity, Harlem, etc.

=)

Seems like forever ago that my sister and I started planning this trip to New York City and in just a little over one month, we will finally be there. To say I'm excited is an understatement. I. Cannot. Wait.

I know it's going to be AMAZING! Oh, NYC, I love you so very much! You are my most favorite city in the whole wide world! I'm coming, baby.

$990

$990 is how much it is estimated that I will now be paying in mortgage payment (if this short sale is ever approved) now that the interest rates have gone down. That is like the going rate for a studio apartment right now. Crazy! Man, the Lord is so good to me. That was pretty much the ideal amount of money I wanted to have to pay every month, and if the rates still continue to go down before the bank approves the short sale, I'll be even more blessed.

Man, thank you, Lord. You always give me so much more than I even deserve. Wow! And with this new promotion, if it too is approved, I will be able to save up some money and hopefully give back to Your kingdom.

Oh Lord God Almighty, please continue to shower me with your favor, even though I don't deserve anything wonderful. You are amazing!

Forgive me also for not trusting in you enough. You know my circumstances and I know that you are protecting me and looking out for my best interests. Thank you, Lord. Thank you that I have nothing to fear because you are on my side. Thank you that you are my advocate and my defender. Thank you that no harm can come to me because of you.

Amen!

Sometimes, looking at the good things that are going on helps you to see how unimportant the bad things are. This blog was a good idea. =)

Encouragement...

Why are you discouraged, my soul?
Why are you so restless?
Put your hope in God,
because I will still praise him.
He is my saviour and my God.

Psalm 42:5

AMEN!

When your instincts are telling you the truth...

I just got back from a turnaround trip from LA to stateline (the border of California and Nevada).  It was a work charitable giving thing.  I knew I shouldn't have gone, but I went anyway.

I'll say it again.  I knew I shouldn't have gone.

My instincts told me that the person who invited me was not someone I could trust, but I went anyway, despite warnings from a trusted person, because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt... even though everything in me wanted to pull out and not go.  I should have listened to my inner voice.

Have I mentioned that I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE?  lol

Well, now it's confirmed that I can't trust this person and she's out to get me, and never again will I let my guard down with her.  I won't get into what happened or why I can't trust her... all I'll say is that I don't trust women for a reason and I think this trip for her was a case of "keep your enemies close," not her trying to be my actual friend.

From now on, she will be kept at arms length.  She has no power to do anything significant to me because I have God on my side, but she's definitely now someone I have to watch out for.  Pretty sad.

I guess the only thing I can do is pray for her, since afterall we are called to love our enemies and pray for them.  Help me with this one, Lord.

All of a sudden the verses from this previous post are extremely relevant...

My own understanding...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

I read this passage in a whole new way. Whenever I've read it, I understood it to say, "Trust in the Lord completely and don't trust in the things you know/learned through life." Today I read it as, "Trust in the Lord completely, and don't trust in what you THINK you know in a situation."

I do that a lot. I think I know about a situation, even when I don't have all the facts, and I jump to conclusions.

Then WHAM! Guess what, Kristina? You had no idea what you were talking about. Stop trying to be in control and let God handle it. That is what he's saying to me  in this verse.

The next one (verse 6) says, "In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."  The only thing you need to do is acknowledge he's in control and he'll figure out the rest.

It's so dang simple. Simple information for simple people. Yet we still don't get it.

Man, Lord, You are so awesome. You really are patient with us. I'm so glad I am not You because I'm not as patient and gracious. I would have gotten fed up with me and given up a long time ago. I might have even laid the smackdown on me. lol

Love you, Lord. Thanks for your little truths...

Shipwrecks...

Had to share this blog post from Stuff Christian's Like.... The video he shares is strangely profound.  Raw, but touching.  Yeah....  Have a look.

Fearless trust...

Someone special sent me this passage from Psalm 27 this morning and I thought I would share.

Psalm 27

A Psalm of Fearless Trust in God.
A Psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the defense of my life;
Whom shall I dread?

2 When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh,
My adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell.

3 Though a host encamp against me,
My heart will not fear;
Though war arise against me,
In spite of this I shall be confident.

Wow.  What a beautiful reminder that no matter what, God is with us and therefore we can trust him and have absolutely nothing to fear.   Thank you, Lord!

I think this special person is a keeper.  =)

Operation Scare-the-Living-Daylights-Outta-Kristina

So, in my previous post I mentioned that I was surprised with a party for my 30th birthday. Well, what had happened was....

A couple of months ago, my sister Katie started asking me what I wanted to do for my 30th birthday. Every year I have to plan my own thing and every year it doesn't work out as planned, for various reasons. This year, I decided I wasn't going to do a thing. I knew Katie and I were already planning our big trip to New York City (48 days and counting!!!! Yay!!!), so I was okay with just that right there. I also kind of just figured this is an important birthday and if people don't feel the need to give me a break from planning duties and do something for me, than forget it. It's not worth all the fuss ([Pity party start] and apparently neither am I! [Pity party end]). Well, Katie started throwing around the idea of a small family dinner. I was okay with that because little by little people were making plans to do things. I knew that I was going to have a great birthday, even without a huge fuss, so the fact that nobody was throwing around huge ideas for what we could do really didn't bother or offend me.

I was just going with the flow. Really never expecting that for once these people were actually planning something huge (that's usually MY job) and planning for months at that. Apparently, there were many occasions were I almost blew my own surprise (like the time I wanted to plan a trip to go wine tasting the same weekend.... that was how I found out about the "family dinner" at a restaurant that my sister had to "pull strings" to get us a "reservation" at.... all a cover, of course.). I can honestly say I was completely oblivious. lol.

Well, they got me. They really got me good.

In the days leading up to the "family dinner," I decided I was going to buy myself a cute and short dress and get all dolled up for my night. "I'm gonna look hot on my birthday night... I don't care where we go." So when the night arrived, I put my dress and make up on and got all cute, thinking I'm going to some fancy restaurant in LA or Hollywood or even Bevery Hills (Ooooo.... aaaaaahhhhhh....). Maybe we would even see a celebrity and I was going to be prepared with my cute outfit. ;)

Or not.... Hahaha! (And I should have known when I saw my sister in a somewhat casual outfit and had to ask her a few times if she was sure that I wasn't over-dressed.)

As we are leaving the house, my sister tells me she forgot to pay the rent and hands me the envelope to drop it off (another time I should have known something was fishy because it was not time to pay rent yet! lol). I look at her like she's crazy, since I have like 3- or 4-inch heels on and hand it back. We get to the front of where we live... where there is obviously a party going on in the clubhouse (once again, oblivious). Then my sister hands me the envelope again and tells me she forgot the directions and that she's going to drop me off while she runs back to the house. I'm like, "Seriously!? You're gonna make me go up these stairs in these heels and this dress in front of the security guard?" Needless to say, I was a little annoyed... especially because this is a new security guard who happens to be cute. =) Also, because I can see that there is a party going on and I don't want these people thinking that I'm coming to their party.

So I get out of the car and sneak my way up the stairs. I think to myself, "I'm just going to slip this in the slot and then sit on this bench so these people don't think I'm trying to come in." I walk right up to the slot and then hear rustling by the door. I immediately think someone is opening the door because they think I'm trying to come in. Crap! Next thing you know the door is open and there is a loud, echoing "SURPRISE!!!!" My first reaction? First, I thought, "these people are confusing me with the person they are trying to surprise," (yes, still clueless) and simultaneously, as I'm thinking this, I'm putting my hand up to protect myself and letting out every cuss word I can think of. (Shameful, I know..... and in front of children! lol)

This is the thing.... I can sit on YouTube all day and watch people getting the crap scared out of them and think it's the funniest thing ever, but if you roll up on me making a loud noise or scare me in general, the ghetto comes out in me and I'm either cussing or punching (or both) you out. It's just a fact. Thankfully, I only cussed. Hahaha! (Sorry, Lord.... and my nieces who were standing right in front of me. Oops! It was pretty much involuntary.)

Anyway, once I put my protective shield (my hand) down, I look over and just see people. When I finally focus I see my friend Suzy and think, "I know her." That's when I realize that this is for me. I walk in and just start telling them that they all suck and they really got me. I had to keep telling myself, "don't be angry... be happy... smile." The instant anger subsided however when people started saying things like, "oh my gosh! You look so great!" and "Oh my gosh, I've never seen you in a dress," and "You look so skinny." Yeah, that's the type of stuff that will make anyone's anger go away. Hahaha!

One thing I have to admit to: I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to go to a facy restaurant. LMBO! Oh well, this was even better!!!!

All I can say from that moment and for about an hour was that everything felt so surreal. They did an amazing job. The food was great. The theme was awesome!!!! 80s!!! The room was covered in movie posters from some of my favorite movies (Goonies, Pretty in Pink, Back to the Future, The Breakfast Club, etc.)! They had a candy table, which included wax lips (I LOVED wax lips when I was little and had just told them about how I insisted on having them at my 6th birthday). They thought of EVERY detail.... down to the big pink cake that was a replica of the cake from Sixteen Candles. You know, the one on the table at the end when Samantha and Jake Ryan kiss. It was so cool!

So many people showed up too... there was even a friend from High School and other people I've worked with over the year. Most of my aunts and uncles were there, including my uncle who came all the way from Poway, which is near San Diego. It really was very special. I felt SO SPECIAL.
All jokes aside, it was AMAZING.

At the end of the day, I don't deserve so much attention. God knows I have my issues. I know I'm not always the easiest person to be around. Sometimes I need to watch my mouth and think before I react. I'm a sinner and I mess up... and sometimes I act like I'm entitled, but the fact is, I'm unworthy. When people do things like this for me, or when God shows any kind of favor towards me, I begin to remember just how unworthy and undeserving I am. Even more importantly, I get a giant snapshot of how blessed I REALLY am.

Thank you, Lord.

I couldn't have asked for better....

Life happens...

First of all, sorry Blog (and my one follower) for not checking in for awhile. As you can see, I am alive. =)

I have been uber busy lately. The entire month of July was one giant celebration. I was so spoiled. I even got a giant surprise party where I was..... SUPRISED. Big time. They scared the living daylights out of me and there was definitely some cussing involved. (Oops!) Hey, I'm not good with being surprised or scared. They are lucky no one got punched. It was great though and I can definitely say I am super blessed and felt very loved.

Happy 30th Birthday to me!!! It definitely was happy... I will post a more detailed blog about what went down very soon. Promise.

Moving on....

I'm going to be upfront with you, Blog. I haven't been around much because I was way too wrapped up in Facebook (FB). The thing is, I could easily access my FB account via my phone, but it wasn't so easy to access you since I don't like to use the Internet at work too much. Don't want to get into trouble. So yeah.... I went with the easy choice. Sorry.

Well, as of this past Thursday, FB went bub-bye. I deactivated my account. There was one incident that occured the day before that was the tipping point, but in all actuality, there were many incidences and I have just decided that FB's cons far outweigh it's pros. It's too bad, because I was so glad to be in contact with long lost people from the past. I just couldn't deal with the drama, misinterpretations, back-stabbing, being stalked by weirdos, etc. I'm done. Sayonara sucka!

I actually felt an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders once I did it. No more being tied to my phone 24/7 wanting to know all the latest. The whole day was quite relaxing actually. Ultimately, even without the drama, FB should not be something that takes up so much of my time. That's what Reality TV is for anyway.... LOL. Just kidding. No, seriously though. All the time spent on FB could have been used somewhere else.... like praising/serving/communicating with God maybe? Yeah....

In other, better, amazingly awesome news....

I have been offered a very significant promotion to another Department. How significant? I'm skipping right through 4 secretary levels above what I currently hold. That is AMAZING and only from God. To Him be the glory because I know if it was purely on what I "deserve" I wouldn't be getting a darn thing.

Thank you, Lord, for your favor, even when I'm not doing as well as I can be in my relationship with you. You are TOO GOOD to me!

This promotion will enable me to pay my mortgage (STILL waiting for approval on the condo by the way) AND be able to live comfortably and maybe even get a better car with better gas mileage (and I'll definitely need it because I'll be driving far once I do move!). It is such a major blessing, I can't even explain to you.

Also good news:  I officially made my goal on Weight Watchers.  30 lbs lost!  Woop woop!!!!  I can't believe it.  It still feels too good to be true, but I'll still take it.  In fact, I decided to extend the goal to 40 lbs.  I'm going to try it out and see what happens.  I also ordered a brand new elliptical and I'm going to start getting back on the exercise wagon.  I definitely, if anything, want to start toning up now.  Who knows.... maybe by this time next year, I'll be able to rock a bikini.....  Okay, wishful thinking, I know.  lol

Sobre el amor...

Still no main squeeze, but it's okay.  I have been meeting people and getting out there and have discovered that maybe God's glad I'm doing that, but that doesn't mean that he's necessarily going to produce anyone right away.  There is one surprisingly one person at work, of all places, that might be a possibility, but only God knows exactly who it will be.  My job right now is to believe and have faith that "someone" is in the works at all and that God has my back.  In any case, hopefully my house will be approved soon and I can get back to my church, cause with all the guys there, if God doesn't have my sweetie waiting for me there, then I might have to come to grips with the idea that he (my sweetie) doesn't exist.....

NAH!   I'll never give up on the idea that he's out there waiting for God to help us find each other.  ;)

Okay, well that's all I got for now.  Tootles...

Oh, and P.S.  Happy birthday to my Mom!!  Crazy broad... lol