*shudder*
July is here. My 30th birthday is in T-minus 17 days. Aaaaaaaaa!!!
LOL. Just kidding. I'm not freaking out.... yet.
I have so much going on right now to really freak out.
QUINN
My nephew Quinn was born 4 days ago on July 5. He was 8 lbs, 9 oz. (Now that's more like it! Alexis was only like 7 lbs, which is tiny for my family.) Because of all the drama with my sister and brother-in-law, I am waiting a little before I go see him. I don't really want to have to come into too much contact with my sister's husband, if I can avoid it. I just don't feel it's necessary.
ANYWAY, we are thanking God for our new addition to the family. Babies are always a blessing and becoming an aunt never gets old. =)
HOUSE
Still waiting on the bank to approve my offer. Hopefully soon and then we can go into Escrow, which hopefully won't take too much longer after that. I hope this happens sooner rather than later, because I'm ready. I'M SO READY.
WEIGHT LOSS
I'm officially down 26 lbs and holding (because I've been having a little too much fun lately... lol). After my birthday, I'm going to hunker down again so that I can get down to my goal of 30 lbs. If I lose that much I'll be happy. If I lose more than that, I'll take it! =) Either way, I'm feeling great and enjoying feeling comfortable in my own skin and the seemingly neverending compliments I get. Trying not to grow a ginormous head though.... ;)
REST OF LIFE
Things are weird lately. I think I've just come to a few realizations:
I can't have the type of relationship with my other sister that I've always wanted. She will forever view me as the mentally jacked-up, fragile person I USED TO BE. She will never respect me as a woman. It doesn't matter how much I change. It's partly my fault because of the YEARS of crap I put these people through
when I was struggling with depression, but nevertheless, sometimes I just want to scream, "can't you see I've changed already!?!?!?!?!?!?!" But it's just not going to happen. I hate to say it, but I just need to live a separate life and not share so much with my family members anymore... well, at least not vulnerable stuff. ANY moment of vulnerability immediately gets construed as weakness and me reverting back to who I used to be, instead of what it is: a momentary emotional reaction to a negative situations that has occured. Key word: MOMENTARY. The ones who haven't changed here are my family members.
Playing off this last point.... I know it sounds mean, but I am ready to move on from everyone in my life. Just want to start over with people who don't know me and don't have pre-formed judgements of who THEY think I am. I'm getting tired of drama and finding out that I can't tell anyone anything without it getting out. The sad thing is that this includes my own family members. Sometimes I feel like I just can't trust anyone's word or that they truly have MY best interests at heart. There is maybe one person in my life right now that I actually feel comfortable coming to with things without the whole world finding out or without judgement, and that's probably because this is someone who doesn't know my family or other friends. Funny, but true.
That's my update. In the words of the Terminator, "I'll be back...."
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