Jude 1:16

"These are grumblers, finding fault, following after their own lusts; they speak arrogantly, flattering people for the sake of gaining an advantage."

This passage just reminded me of every politiician (mostly liberal) and celebrity (also mostly liberal) out there right now.

They grumble the loudest about the things they hate. They are able to because they get most of the air-time on TV (anyone watch the Oscars?). They find fault in everyone, but see none in themselves. "Christians are just a bunch of hateful homophobes." As the acting world celebrated him for his role as a murdered gay activist, Sean Penn used his time up there to pat himself on the back and scolded all of us who voted yes on Prop. 8. Yet, why isn't Sean bashing Obama, even though he told Rich Warren not even a year ago that because of his faith, he doesn't agree with same-sex marriage? Oh no, we can't talk crap about a fellow Dem., especially when he's our Messiah, here to bring salvation through Socialism.

Following after his own lusts, Clinton had a great time with Monica Lewinski in the oval office. I won't even get into Eliot Spitzer, who was supposed to be cracking down on prostitution, not facilitating it. But the rest of us are all dilussional, intolerant idiots who want to teach our kids abstinence. How could we?

"They speak arrogantly, flattering people for the sake of gaining an advantage." Well, that just sounds like Obama in a nutshell. His whole campaign floated along on flattering words like "hope" and "change." He didn't even have to define what kind of hope or what kind of change. It was just enough that he used those special, revolutionary words. They just make you feel all warm and gooey inside. And now he's gained the advantage with those flattering words and they are already saying that he's pretty arrogant about it: I won. Deal with it.

So what does the Bible say is going to happen to these people. Two verses earlier, it says this:

"And about these also Enoch, in the seventh generation from Adam, prophesied, saying, 'Behold, the Lord came with many thousands of His holy ones, to execute judgement upon all, and to convict all the ungoldy of all their ungodly deeds which they have done in an ungodly way, and of all the harsh things which ungodly sinners have spoken against Him." (Jude 1:14 & 15)

I can't wait, Lord. You are gonna make them eat their words. Until then, hopefully some will open up their eyes and turn away from their ungodly lives while they still can.

Lost in translation?

I was thinking. So many people who call themselves Christians, and pretty much all who don’t, do not believe that the Bible is 100% the word of God. This is how they justify not doing everything the Bible commands, or not believing everything in the Bible mentioned as a sin is in fact a sin. The biggest argument for the Bible not being totally inspired by the Holy Spirit is that it’s been translated so many times into so many languages, that there is no way that it could have retained it’s original text and connotations.

I disagree with that. Of course, every language is different and doesn’t always have translations for every word—word for word—but that doesn’t mean that the essence of what is being said is lost.

For example, the novel Gone with the Wind has probably been translated into multiple languages. I’m sure in the Thai language there is probably not a direct translation for many of the Southern slang words that are used in the dialogue, yet something tells me that the Thai reader still understands that the story is about a spoiled, flirtatious young woman who, through war and desperation, becomes a shrewd, man-stealing business woman to ensure that she “never [goes] hungry again.” The Thai version of Gone with the Wind may not be a word-for-word translation, but more than a hundred years after the original was published, the essence and the message I guarantee you is still there.

So why is it that you and I can believe that easily, but we can’t believe that the Bible, even after so many translations, wouldn’t still retain it’s message and the essence of what it originally said. Especially when so many of the messages are cut and dry: Do not steal. Do not kill. Do not lie. Do not commit adultery. Love your nieghbor as yourself. Treat others the way you want to be treate. Etc.

God is the most powerful being in the universe—in space and time even. If He wants to inspire mere mortal men through His Holy Spirit to write His very words down in multiple chapters in one book, He will, and He will make sure they are correct… in any language. Nothing and no one will stop Him from giving us the message He wants us to receive.

So, do you really believe that the Bible isn’t totally accurate and correct, or is it that you just want a reason to only follow the parts that YOU like and which make you comfortable or are "Politically Correct?" Or maybe you need to re-consider whether you really even believe in the God of the Bible. Please, however, don’t give me this flawed argument that somehow the Bible just got lost in translation somewhere down the line…

Unequally yoked

"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth." -Revelation 3:15-16

So, Friday night I had dinner with Diana. Diana is my friend from Bible study who set me up with Henry. Of course, we couldn't avoid the subject of our mutual friend. =) It ended up being so enlightening and encouraging to me.

That same day I was supposed to go to her work (where he also works) to do lunch, but I had to cancel because I had almost forgotten that it was my responsibility to go online and get tickets for Coldplay.

BTW, we totally got seats 7 seats back from the stage. WOOHOOOO!!!!!

Anyway, she was telling me how she had mentioned to him that I would be dropping by for lunch, but that I had cancelled because of Coldplay tickets. He laughed and said they were gay (whatever!), but then said he was kidding. Then he told her to say hi to me. She once again reminded him that he can always call me and tell me that himself. lol

Well, then she told me something very interesting. She got into how some guy at work, who is his friend, started making fun of her faith, saying, "oh aren't you one of those NOTW people?" (referring to the Not of This World brand). They all laughed, INCLUDING HENRY. Instead of defending the same beliefs that he holds, he joined in on the attack. WOW. Diana was so shocked and disappointed in him, and then told him later on that he knows better. He did apologize... on the down-low, of course.

Do I think he is this horrible person because he didn't stand up for her? No, I really don't. This situation is, however, very revealing. It confirms what I kind of suspected already: Henry is not spiritually mature.

I now know that the Lord took him out of my life because he still has a lot of maturing and growing to do. He is still living with one foot in this world. He is still worrying about what the world thinks of him. I just hope he opens up his eyes and picks a side soon. Because I really don't want him to meet Jesus in heaven and have him say, "depart from me. I never knew you."

So, I'm gonna keep praying for Henry. I'll pray that he opens up his eyes to the Truth, and that the Lord will set his heart on fire for Him. I'll pray also (and I say this with all humility) that when this does happen that he doesn't regret that he walked away from what he asked the Lord for: a spiritually mature girl, which is what I am growing to become in the Lord.

I am also going to rejoice in and praise the Lord for watching my back. I need a spiritually mature man. Not a young guy, living for this fallen world...

Let it go...

I am in the foulest mood today. I'm just in a funk. For once I can't blame it on Valentine's day. I thought I sailed through last weekend just fine. I didn't get sad about Valentine's and I had a fun girl day with Mandy. But this week has been horrible.

On Monday, Katie and I went to this store at the Northridge mall that is Christian-owned and sells Christian merchandise. We are walking through the store looking at stuff when something made me think of Henry, which is a daily occurance anyway (I literally see 10 Nissan Titans [his truck] on the road everyday). As soon as I say his name, Katie grabs this shirt that says "Let it go..." on the front and puts it up for me to see. I paused, but all I could say was, "I know." I knew right then and there that God was using Katie and that shirt to let me know that it's time to move on. Basically, there is no hope for anything... not even a friendship. I know I needed to hear it, but it was like rejection ALL OVER AGAIN.

I haven't been able to recover since, and my dad acting like a jerk has just made things worse. It's everything for me not to go on a "I hate men!" rampage right now.

What scares me is that I'm now in this fog where I don't even feel the presence of the Lord. It's like I'm truly numb. I'm right back to feeling angry and bitter like I did right after the whole situation with Henry kicked off. I can't even open up the Bible and concentrate on what I'm reading. I can't even talk myself into feeling better by reassuring myself that the Lord is with me... in fact I'm not even trying to do so.

I guess I'm just depressed. There, I said it! I'm depressed.

Depression is the enemy's number one tool against me and he knows how to use it. The Devil is like Doc Holiday: He's good with his guns. One of those guns is depression and he takes me out with it every time. One shot right to the heart.

I know God is my bulletproof vest ("put on the full armor of God"), but it's like I can't even bring myself to pick the vest up and strap it on.

It's like, "Shoot away. I don't even care anymore."

Lord, help me. Make this go away...

If it's not one thing it's another...

Man, I'm just having a bad week. I've been feeling the enemy's attacks for a while now, but now it's on the home front.

My dad has been one of the biggest jerks to me in the last couple of days, well actually on and off for the last year or so. It hurts and it pisses me off at the same time. I don't deserve this. I'm tired of it and it makes me want to get out of here ASAP.

For the longest time I held my dad up on this pedestal of sorts. Yes, he cheated on my mom and doesn't live a godly life, but I always nevertheless saw him as one of my biggest heroes because of the fact that he's been able to overcome so many hardships in his life to get were he is today (by the grace of God). By the world's standards, he had every reason to grow up to be an alcoholic who was never there for his family like his father was, but he didn't do that. Sometimes, he was our father AND our mother when my Mom wasn't available to us. Sometimes, he was my only comforter.

Nowadays, he's one of my biggest sources of DIScomfort. He's downright mean to me at times and I just don't understand why.

Yesterday, it was POURING rain outside and I had to go to work. I nicely and politely asked him if he could please move his car so I could get out of the driveway. He flat out refused to do it. It made me so angry that I was literally tempted to put his car in nuetral and bump it down the driveway (letting it possibly run into the neighbor's house), then take off and let him deal with the aftermath.

What pissed me off so hard? Not just the fact that he flat our refused, thus causing me to have to move his car and mine and being late to work, but the fact that this "man" would allow his daughter (as in female child) to have to go out into the rain and get drenched, just because he wanted to be childish and not have some woman tell him what to do (despite the fact that I asked nicely). What man does that? No real man is going to be so flat our rude and disrespectful to a woman like that. But good old Dad sure does.

As I drove away angry and with tears streaming down my face, I remembered what this "man" told me just the other day when we were talking about how things didn't work out with Henry... He told me that I need to be more feminine. REALLY, Dad? And how am I supposed to be more feminine, when my own father won't even treat me like the lady that I am? In fact, he's never treated me like a lady... more like a bratty, annoying little sister, or even recently like a slave, who is only good for washing dishes (and not even washing them right in his opinion).

It hurts enough being out in this world full of rude, selfish, ill-mannered men, but to have even my own father treat me with disrespect, sucks even harder. This is supposed to be my number one model of how a man is supposed to treat me.

Well, I'm telling you one thing right now: I really hope that the man that the Lord has for me is nothing like my Dad in this respect. I need a man who is gentle, caring, respectful, chivalrous... ready to slay dragons for me, not willing to throw the sword in my hand and let me defend myself!

The saddest part about this all is that I can't even talk to him about it. He's never wrong...

Bi-racial bitterness...

I was reading an article about Barack Obama, which calls him "the first black (bi-racial) President..." I was glad to see that the author inserted a very important fact (even if it was in parenthesis): Barack Obama, like me, is BI-RACIAL. He really is NOT the first black President. He is the first Bi-Racial President.

What does that mean? I have more in common with him than black Americans do. I know what it's like to simultaneously be living in two worlds. I know what it's like to be able to fully understand two different cultures. I know what it's like to not to be accepted fully by either of those cultures.

I wonder if it bothers him that, like me and so many other bi-racial folks I've talked to, growing up people probably constantly reminded him that he wasn't fully black or fully white.

Now, all of a sudden, when it's important, the black community wants to embrace him as black. And he seems to be okay with that, even going so far as to practically reject his white side (which is evidenced in the way he, in his biography, portrays his white grandmotheras subconsciously racist--like she just couldn't help herself).

I grew up hearing (mostly from the Mexican side) that I was not fully Mexican or white. People would ask me what race I was (because honestly most people can't tell by looking at me... lol). I would reply that I was Mexican American, because that was what I embraced as my culture at the time, to which they would reply, "but aren't you half white?" Basically, they were implying that I was not a real Mexican. I didn't belong 100% to their group. I could never relate to them.

Talk about rejection.

I can tell you right now that I would be royally ticked off if I were to run for and be elected as president right now and then magically have the Mexican American community embrace me as the postergirl for all Mexicans, when in the past I barely was accepted as one. If I were to see little brown kids walking around wearing T-shirts with my face next to Cesar Chavez' face, talking about "the hope for the future," I would feel compelled to turn around and say, "Oh, now I'm one of you, huh?"

I can't believe that Barack didn't do that, because I would put money on the fact that his blackness was questioned growing up by at least a few blacks (and maybe whites) along the way (unless he was able to conceal his bi-raciality [isn't that a word? lol] growing up, which I doubt). If I were him, I would be mad.

BUT, then again, I'm not a politician like he is. And it seems to me that politicians will let you think whatever you want, as long as they get your vote. Who cares that--I guarantee you--these were the same people that at one point just couldn't help reminding him that he wasn't fully one of them. Now they are embracing him as their long lost son, here to save the day for all blacks in this country, and around the world for that matter.

Hmm... I could be wrong. Maybe nobody questioned who he was along the way, but I'm pretty sure that's not the case. Race is always a topic, ESPECIALLY when you are bi-racial. Maybe I can find someone who has a copy of The Audacity of Hope that I can borrow to prove myself right, because you know Obama wasn't going to leave out the part where people were questioning his blackness, that might take away from his sympathy vote and hero status.

My great epiphany

An epiphany is a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something. Or, as some like to say, it's a "light bulb moment" or an "ah-ha! moment."

Yeah, I had one of those yesterday.

I was listening to a sermon on the radio on my way to Bible study. I can't even tell you exactly what it was about--although I remember the guy saying something about turning to a loaded gun instead of God--but I do know that it triggered (no pun intended) something in my mind. Way back when I used to struggle my hardest with depression and I was in the depths of despair, I used to cry out to the Lord and ask Him why it was that He even put me on this planet. I would cry about how nothing went right and the world hated me. In my mind, if I was just here to suffer than there was no reason for me to even be here.

Now, I never contemplated suicide, mind you. I want to make that clear... I was too selfish to send myself to Hell. lol. I did plead with Him to just remove me from this earth, however. "Take me home, Lord. Get me out of here," is what I would say.

So what was my epiphany last night? I thought about what the difference is in me between then and now and I realized that I was totally and completely wrong. There was a reason for Him to have me on this earth and it was to bring Glory to His name. That is everyone's purpose for being here.

I was just so absolutely, terribly, disgustingly wrapped up in myself and what I wanted and thought I needed. So when I didn't get things my way, I blamed it on God and the world. I never wanted His will, which is perfect and is for my own good, but I wanted my will. I've realized that when we want things our own way we will almost always be disappointed. It's no wonder I was depressed. Things weren't going my way ever and when you think they should be going your way and they don't, you are bound to think life sucks.

Now, that I am living my life in such a way that I am doing my best to look for God's will instead of mine, I can't be disappointed because His will is best and can't be stopped. Nothing we do can mess up God's plans and I know that He has great plans for me. His plans are far better than any plan you, me, or anyone else could ever come up with. When I look forward to His plans, there is no way I can be depressed.

I hope that makes sense. It sure makes sense to me now. DUH, Kristina!

Obla-di... Obla-da... Life goes on...

God is good.

He has healed the hurt that came with the whole Henry situation and I'm back to the way I was before I even met him, except better in a way. I can't say I wasn't depressed, because I was for about a week, but it's completely gone now. Why is that so amazing? Because two or three years ago, maybe even a year ago, that wouldn't be the case. I would be in a deep pit of self-hate and self-pity, no matter how unrealistic the thoughts were, and it would have lasted for months.

What's the difference between then and now? HOPE. Hope that comes from the Lord. Hope and a promise that God has started a work in me and He will finish it. Hope that he has a PERFECT plan for my life. Hope that whomever God has planned for me is going to be awesome and perfectly made just for me and me just for him. That is a lot to hope for. How can you be sad with that kind of info?

Speaking of Henry, Diana told me he was asking about me. She told him, "She's your friend too. Why don't you call her?" To which he replied, "Do you think that it's okay?" Duh, dude. I told you that I am okay with being friends. The only thing stopping you from reaching out to me and being my friend is your fear. The same fear that all men have of women's emotions. I guarantee that he is terrified that I'm mad or that I'm so devastated that all I'll be able to do upon hearing his voice is break down into a flood of tears. Oh please!

Needless to say, I haven't heard from him just yet, but I'm not giving up hope that we will be friends.... that we ARE friends. Guys are silly!

ANYWAY, right now I'm sumultaneously hating and looking forward to Valentine's day. I don't have a real date, but I am going to spend the day with Kaylin. Yay!

I love my Baby K so much! She literally lights up my life. She is one of the greatest gifts from God ever! She and Sandy went with us to Church over the weekend and I tell you that kid was so well-behaved. She had us cracking up too. When we closed our eyes to pray, she was like, "Hi!" She kept saying it until we opened out eyes. lol. She's so funny!

By the way, after months and months of prayer and fasting (by Katie... you know I gotta eat with my eating disorder past), Sandy is literally on the verge, on the cusp, on the brink of receiving the Lord. Woohoo! It's so close. I'm so hopeful, that I would put money on it. lol. Soon, she'll be my sister in a whole other way--she'll be my sister in Christ. Then she will start to receive all the blessings He has in store. =)

God is good!