Not-so-sad loss...

Wow, some messed up stuff has happened to me in the last few months and I've managed to lose a few people from my life, but for the first time, it's not at all devastating. Weird.

Lost yet another "best friend" over some stupid, prideful stuff (on her part). She just couldn't own up to what she did. She just wouldn't allow herself to see that she could have done something wrong. Well, that's not my issue. I tried to make things right, but her deep down guilt only made her more defensive, thus releasing the side of her that wasn't so nice. It also showed that in rough times I wouldn't be able to really count on her, so I guess it wasn't a big loss. I do wish her the best though. Honestly.

Lost a friend in Fernando, which really was kind of sad. He proved everyone right about him being an a-hole, but for some reason, I still feel like that was not him. Just like the previous person, he felt guilty and to protect himself he turned on me. The Fernando I knew though was way different from the Fernando others knew and I truly believe that the Fernando I knew was the real Fernando. I wish he would have just been strong enough to embrace the real Fernando. The nice guy does NOT always finish last. Screw what everyone else thinks. In the end, I know though that if a million people are telling you someone is a certain way, then 9 times out of 10, they are probably right.

Lost what I thought was a good relationship with my sister. It's sad when you think your family is somewhat close and that you don't have "those" relationship issues that other families have, only to find out that you were wrong and you guys are just as f-ed up as everyone else. I've come to realize that in reality I was the only one who really believed in a certain degree of loyalty and family. The rest only believed in those things in so far as it benefited them: I'm there for you until you piss me off. You can tell me anything in confidence until you piss me off. Etc... That's good to know. I definitely won't be teaching my children those kinds of values.

In the end, after all this, I know who my real friends are and I know who in my family truly cares for me even when they are upset with me.

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In other news, found out that my water pump is what needs to be fixed. How much does that cost? $1,700.... just for the part. All together, I will be shelling out $2,700 for the part and labor. That is freakin awesome!

So, now I have another dilemma. I can pay for these repairs on my credit card, but I was also planning to use that same card to pay any down payment I was going to need on the new car. I don't know if I can swing that now. So, now I will have to probably hold on to the car for another few months while I try to save up a little bit of money for a down. Who knows what else can happen to this car in a few months. Hahaha! With my luck, the engine will go.... Let's see first my tranny got jacked up. Then only 6 months later this crap happens. I guess I have less than 6 months to get this crap out of my life before the next catastrophe kicks off.

All the while, I have to figure out whether or not I really should be taking this trip to Ireland because obviously my finances are going to be a little tight right now and I am not trying to rack up a ginormous credit card debt, which is already high as it is. Yay! Mommy paying for it is NOT an option. If I can't do it on my own, I don't want to do it. I know she wants to, but I'm not letting Mom save the day on this one. It's been more than a year since she has had to come in and help me out and I'd like to keep it that way...