Cares...

For the last 3 days I’ve felt like someone is sitting on my chest. There’s a tightness and I feel like I need to, every once in a while, take deep breaths.

STRESS

I’m stressed. I have a lot on my mind: Finances. Love life. Leaving California. Etc. So much to think about.

I know I’m not supposed to worry. I’m commanded to “cast my cares upon the Lord, for He cares about [me].” (1 Peter 5:7) It’s so much easier said than done…. even if it IS sinful and I know it.

FINANCES: My debt has gone down from over $20,000 to $8,000. That is SO good, so what’s the problem? I get excited and almost high off of paying this debt off. It’s become my obsession. Everyday I’m looking at the chart I created to track my debt and how I’m paying it down. I’m starting to try to find ways to pay it off faster. Take that and couple it with worrying about saving money for my Birthday trip to NYC next year and trying to figure out a way to move out on my own. All of this is causing me stress.

LOVE LIFE: I asked the Lord to put me to sleep to my love life the way he had to put Adam to sleep in order to give him Eve. It was working. I wasn’t thinking about my singleness and I wasn’t worried about the plan the Lord has for me. Then Ramon popped up (I touched on it here, but there are new developments that I'll have to get into another day). Now I’m second-guessing myself. Now I’m letting my mind wander to unnecessary places. I allowed myself to worry about it again. STOP!

LEAVING CALIFORNIA: I really just want out of here. I want to be able to start fresh somewhere where people actually have morals and values. Where Jesus is welcome and the Ten Commandments are still a standard to live by. Where the Bible isn’t “open to interpretation” or just a silly book. I just want to be around people who understand me. I’m over California. I’m over the scene. I’m over the boys (not men---BOYS). I’m over it. It’s stressful trying to figure out where I can go. I do have one option: Texas. Deciding whether to do that is, again, stressful. =/

Lord, help me. I’m tired of worrying. Teach me to be content. Hit me over the head with it like a sledgehammer so that it’s imprinted there forever. Burn contentment in You into my mind and onto my heart. I know it’s not about me. It’s about YOU. Help me to train my focus solely on You.

Forgive my worry…