Man, oh, man.

One thing I’ve learned from my couple of years of reading through posts and articles on Boundless is that as Christians we need to pay attention to certain characteristics when looking at a potential partner. Number one, of course, is that the person is a professing Christian. That isn’t enough though. They need to bear the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Meaning, their life needs to reflect a relationship with Christ in the things they do and the way in which they live. (See Galatians 5:22-23)

For example, if I meet a man who says he’s a Christian, but he doesn’t attend church regularly, uses foul language, doesn’t work and isn’t diligently trying to find a job, goes out drinking, etc., it’s probably not a good idea to date him. He’s not where he needs to be in his walk with Christ. He MAY be saved, but he’s lukewarm, and what did Christ say about lukewarm Christian? He will spit them out of His mouth (or in other words, they make him sick). That type of person is still living in the world and therefore does not have the attributes consistent with the ability to be in a genuine, committed, and pure relationship. Basically, he’s a waste of my time.

So.... that brings me to my reason for writing this….

A couple of years ago I ended a friendship with a guy, Ramon, who I had been friends with for about 5 or 6 years (I briefly touched on it here). This was a toxic relationship. From the moment I met this guy I was infatuated. He had everything I thought I wanted at that stupid young age of 21, but he was wrong for me. All wrong.

We developed what I thought was a great friendship, but what I now realize was a one-sided relationship that revolved around him and benefited pretty much only him. I was his surrogate mother, his stand-in girlfriend (without all the real, non-sexual benefits), his tutor, his therapist, a space-filler until something better came along. Basically I was a big doormat.

After much abuse and neglect from my so-called best friend, I had begun to open my eyes to the terrible reality of our “friendship” and I was DONE. That’s when I cut it off, which was one of the best, most healing decisions of my life. Thank you, Lord. It also helped me to really understand what I was not willing to put up with, and it was a part of a journey that set me on my way back to God.

Now, skip forward 2 years. Who finds me on MySpace, but Ramon? Being that I’m not always a complete jerk, I accepted his Friend Request, but really didn’t have too much contact with him, other than the occasional message or comment asking how I was doing. I somehow let him talk me into giving him my number again, but almost never answered any of his calls and briefly responded to occasional texts because I see from his MySpace posts that he really hasn’t changed. He’s still full of himself, and partying and drinking everyday.

Now skip forward 1 more year. A couple months ago, I decide to shut my MySpace down (Facebook’s where it’s at, people… lol). Before I do, I see that Ramon has posted that he’s moving back to Houston. All I can think is “Thank God.” His saved brothers live in Houston and I know he looks up to them, so maybe they can influence him and lead him to Christ like they’ve done with the rest of the siblings. I tell him I’m glad he’s going because he’ll be with his brothers.

Well, last week I get a call from a private number. I answer. It’s Ramon. He begins to tell me that he’s been listening to his brothers, and that he’s tired of living life the way he is and he thinks he’s ready to become a Christian. That sounds good, but I can tell he’s not there yet. He’s still not going to church and is talking to me just like he used to. He pretty much sounds like the same old Ramon (conceited, foul-mouthed, self-centered, etc.), but with a deeper knowledge of what a Christian is. I can tell the Lord is doing a work there, but he has a LONG way to go.

Then, somehow--I don’t even remember how--the topic turns to our love lives. He tells me how he doesn’t like the girls down there and how he hasn’t been with a woman in 3 years. (TMI, dude! I really didn’t need to know that and I told him so.) Then he proceeds to ask me if I have a boyfriend. What the heck? Seriously?

So we talk further and next thing I know I’m telling him I can’t see myself living in Houston and he’s telling me that I need to go where my husband is. I agreed, but wait a minute!! How did this conversation all of a sudden become some sort of veiled way for him to hint at marriage?

!!!!!

>( <--- That's my angry face.

!!!!!

I eventually hang up with him and all I can think is WOW. Quite a few years ago, the thought of Ramon wanting to be with me, let alone marry me, would have been a dream come true. Not any more. NOT AT ALL. Especially as the person he is right now, which is not much different from the person he was when I dumped him as my friend. I also can't help but feel like he sees his brothers married to Christian women, wants to be like them, and only thinks of me 1) because I'm the only Christian girl he knows and 2) because I've always been reliable. Maybe that's not what he's thinking, but I can't help but think that is his real motivation.

I don’t know what this is about. I don’t even know if God is trying to do something with this, but it does not feel right to me at all! The thought of being stuck with him, in a life where I’m constantly feeling neglected and unfulfilled, where everything is about Ramon, is not appealing to me at all.

In my heart I know the Lord is getting ready to do a mighty work in his life the way He has done with his brothers and I know the Lord can do ANYTHING, but it’s hard for me to see myself as part of that scenario. The Lord would need to make an EXTREME change in that kid for me to even consider it. Either that, or He would have to come down from Heaven Himself and say, “Kristina, thou shalt marry this man.”

And I can’t even lie and say I wouldn’t still hesitate for a second….

So now he’s texting me and continues to ask me if I have a boyfriend (his warped way of pursuing me?), but I’m sort of ignoring it. For now, I’m not going to trust him or let my guard down. I certainly won’t leave my heart at risk of being hurt. It’s NOT happening. For the time being, I can at least use the excuse that he’s NOT a believer and he’s definitely not bearing the fruit of the Spirit.

That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it!