Trying to see hope through Christmas blues...

Just read this Boundless article by Suzanne. She's my favorite Boundless writer. Although she was just married recently, she has gone through practically the same exact struggles with singleness and trusting in God that I have. She is the proof that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Anyway, she writes about lonliness in Christmas:

It's so much worse being single at Christmas. For the past decade I've wistfully listened to the Mariah Carey song "All I Want For Christmas is You," longing for someone to want. At times I've even manufactured someone, just to dull the nagging impression that no one wants me.

When we're bereft of romantic possibilities, we believe things like that — that nobody wants us. And it's easy to take it a step farther to nobody ever will. Sure, I would never have said that out loud or even believed it on a conscious level. But when you're lonely, there's something sinister underneath that whispers, "Nobody wants you. You are not the kind to be desired."

Though friends and moms and friends' moms assure you that you are "a catch," the proof is in the Christmas pudding, as they say, and you wonder why — if it's true that you're so loveable — no viable suitors seem to have gotten the memo.

SERIOUSLY! I couldn't have put it better myself. You can't help but feel like you must be so undesireable simply for the seemingly obvious fact that you can't seem to find someone. It's hard not to feel like it's never going to happen:

You can convince yourself for short, sparkly moments that you are indeed fabulous and confidence is bolstered. Dress-up Christmas parties and holiday events provide those hope-moments of meeting someone Hollywood-style. But when nothing ultimately materializes you crash down to reality: "So it's really true. I knew it. I'm alone."

But alas, she gets to a fact that only puts a wrench in your pity party, and which forces you to stop thinking about YOURSELF:

The thing is, that ugly feeling that I am unwanted and unloved couldn't be farther from the truth. Christmas is a reminder of that. God loved me so incredibly that He became a man so that He could experience what it's like to be human. He experienced rejection and loneliness. And ultimately, He gave His life so that I could have a relationship with Him. He chose me to be his daughter, so I never have to be alone.

*sigh*

Like Suzanne says, though, "having faith for what you cannot see feels unbearable at times." I guess it's up to me to choose not to let it get me down. There is a reason to hope and have faith. Suzanne herself ended up being given the gift she wanted so badly soon thereafter, so I know there is hope for me:

As I snuggled up on the couch with a blanket and watched my nephews tear into their gifts, I had no idea that my future husband was experiencing his own melancholy Christmas back in Colorado. That we would meet for coffee three short weeks later.

Though my attempts at holiday happiness had been futile, God knew what I needed. Though I was weary of spending Christmases alone, God knew that it was the last one. And though I glimpsed the promise dimly, He was already fulfilling it.

Lord, please don't give up on me and help me not to give up on You.