Kisses and Bad Dreams...

So, this weekend was somewhat eventful. Liz had a BBQ and "Mr. F" was there. I tried my hardest not to allow myself to get close to him or let him flirt with me or be alone with him or get jealous when he was around a certain other female. For the most part it worked, but at the end of the night when I tried to duck out quickly, he ended up kissing me. What's bad is of course I enjoyed it (and I felt like I "won" because it was me and not her that he was kissing... muahaha!). Dang! lol. I mean, it's not like I don't like the guy and I'm not attracted to him, it's just that I know he is not right for me. It's just hard when you are in the moment.

After the BBQ, my boss and I decided to go to San Manuel casino and, of course, "Mr. F" and his friend came with. So, we get there and my boss and his friend take off to gamble and leave us alone together. Nothing happened. We just gambled a little (and lost) and then just walked around. He tried the whole massaging the neck thing a little and I sure did get a lot of looks from guys, which I think had to do with me looking so young standing next to this guy who is obviously hitting 40... hahaha! That was fun, but it surprisingly doesn't bother me too much.

Then we found my boss and his friend and while they sat next to each other playing the quarter slots, he and I stood back. Of course, out of their sight, he started caressing me (that sounds so bad, doesn't it? haha!) and then holding my hand. It was nice, but then it was uncomfortable. I really need to figure out a way to let him know that it's not going to happen. We are just not on the same page. He knows it though... I think it's the thrill of the chase and the fact that I'm--in his eyes at least--this "cute, young thing." I don't know. I guess I just need to not let myself get caught alone with him.

....

Last night I had a very disturbing dream. I mean really weird! For the second time in a week, I dreamt I was pregnant with twins. At first it was kind of cool. I could feel where they were positioned in my belly. I could literally feel their movements. Then it gets disturbing. I'm sitting there and all of a sudden burp up what I think is food that didn't get chewed well enough. Instead of just spitting it out, I start chewing it up so that it will go down better. All of a sudden I reallize that I have burped up my babies and already chewed up one of them (killing it, obviously). I immediately start trying to swallow the second one so that it will get back in my belly where it will be safe, but it's too late. They are both dead.

OMG! It was so disturbing. First of all, I regurgitated my own babies and then I freakin ate one! Ew! Where in God's name did that dream come from? What kind of crap is that? I just remember feeling so aweful that I chewed up my own child and managed to kill both of them. Wow. It's sad and disgusting at the same time. It's "Mr. F's" fault! haha... just kidding.

Seriously though, that is one of the wildest most unsettling dreams I've ever had...Please don't ever let me have another dream like that...