Today’s devotional talked about forgiveness. It hit home because right now, over a month since Mother’s Day, I’m still not trying to have a close relationship with my sister and definitely not trying very hard to have any relationship with my brother-in-law. I feel like I do need to work more on forgiving, but I definitely don’t want to work on having them deeply in my life anymore. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. Things NEVER change with them and I’m tired of putting myself in a place where I’ll only get hurt by them. It’s that whole adage about someone hurting you once and it being their “bad” and then them hurting you again and it being your “bad.” So yeah….
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I regularly read Boundless webzine and lately I’ve been noticing comments on posts from females (and some males) on how lonely they are. They express all the same things I do--feeling like:
- Things will never change
- God has forgotten about me
- I’m going to be alone forever
- I’m too old to still be single
-I’m doing something wrong
- Etc.
It’s sad, because I know EXACTLY what they are going through, but then again, it’s kind of comforting. I’m glad to know that I’m truly not the only one. I’m not the only “loser” out there. LOL...
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I think I’m going to start cutting back on the amount of things I do for people, including and especially party planning. As much as I LOVE it and am good at it, I am tired and broke. I also can’t help but start feeling like it’s all people want me for lately, besides my amazing babysitting services. Lol. I’m on my own for the first time and I have to pay rent now, so I really need to start focusing on saving money and making more money, if possible. That’s why, from now on, anything I do agree to do party-wise is going to need to be funded by the party thrower. It really can’t be mostly coming out of my pocket anymore. Either that or I’m gonna have to start charging, which I really don’t want to do because it will take all the fun out of it for me…
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There is a guy at work that likes me (I’ve mentioned him before). Every once in a while we will go to lunch together and that’s cool, but I’m not interested, as he is not a believer, nor am I even attracted to him. We went to lunch yesterday and for some reason that got me thinking: I really need to start allowing myself to consider things outside of my box. Maybe I am limiting myself.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not nearly as picky as I used to be, but there are still preferences. Of course, one preference that will NEVER go away is that he must be a Christian, on fire for the Lord. No ifs, ands, or butts.
Aside from that though, maybe there are things I could let go of. One of those things is ethnicity. Now I know when people say “I’m not a racist,” the first thing people think is “you are SO a racist.” LOL. I admit that I have certain prejudices and views of certain people, just like we ALL do (if you say you don’t you are lying to yourself and might need to do some inner soul searching—maybe ask God to reveal them to you). Those views hold me back from giving certain people a chance. I think the Lord is trying to tell me that those things don’t matter. I should be open to anyone, as long as he is a believer. If he is a true believer, he will have the characteristics (the fruit) that are important; nothing else will matter. So maybe if I just let that go, God will be able to do His work in my love life. We’ll see…. *sigh*
Seriously though…. Please don’t think I’m racist. Hahaha! Just kidding...
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