Deer in Headlights

That's me right now. I don't know what is happening...

Last week I had sent Ramon a message asking if he would be okay with me dropping by to see him while I'm in Texas. He answered me back this weekend and then some. At first it was chit-chat about missing me and saying hi to the family. I returned the sentiment. Then it took a turn.

He started getting into how he missed me and how I've always been special to him and his family. Then it was how his family wanted him to be with a good Christian girl and how he knew one (me), but she didn't want him.

Okay....

All I could do was deflect onto God and said this:

Your family wants you to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ not to get married to the right girl, but to make sure they see you in Heaven one day. They love you. You need the Lord so you can learn to put Him first and to put other people before yourself. You are not ready to marry anyone until you can start putting God first and the needs of other before your own. I personally want to marry a man who loves God with all his heart and serves others. That's REAL love.

He told me I was right and that he was hoping that one day he could be a great man in the eyes of Jesus and that one day I could see him as a great man.

I really didn't know what to say or do with all this. I just kept trying to answer in the most G0d-honoring way I could think of, but I have to be honest, it was all freaking me out.

Then I come to work this morning and shared what was going on with my Christian sister, Connie, who already knows a little about what's going on, and who, by the way, has said from almost day one that she thinks Ramon is the man the Lord has for me. I shared the string of messages Ramon and I had sent to each other. All I could see was red flags (what?! I've been conditioned to be that way with him... can you blame me? Haha!). All she could see was the work the Lord is doing in this situation. Of course she did... She has a knack for being so positive, while I am super cautious and expect the worse. lol

Well, now things have taken yet ANOTHER turn. While at lunch, I got a text message from Ramon.

"Hey Kristina. It's me Ramon. I'm a Christian now."

Yikes. That was quick, Lord.

Now I feel like Connie may very well be right. Maybe the Lord did intend this guy for me. Maybe the Lord really does make good on His promises.

I guess I'm freaking out because 1) we have a past and 2) I'm not in control--he's not my dream Christian guy. He's a baby. He's flawed. He has a long road to travel in his walk. I hate to admit it, but I'm gonna have to really work at this and I guess I'm realizing that I really didn't want to have to do that.

I'm scared.

Help me, Lord. Make clear what it is You need me to do because right now I'm a deer caught in headlights...


P.S. Now that I've gotten this whole "me, me, me" meltdown out... Thank you, Jesus!!! for delivering my friend. Bless his life and bless his walk. Keep him in Your hands. Minister to him right where he is at this moment. Lord, you are amazing!!! Thank you for allowing me to have even a small part in this miracle. Praise Your holy name. I know the angels are rejoicing at this very moment. Hallelujah!