Walking in Obedience...

One of the hardest things I've done is be in a relationship.  It was not easy.  Two selfish sinners trying to think of the needs of the other, honor God, not stumble each other, etc.  It really brings out who you really are and confronts you with it.

As hard as it was, harder still was walking away from it.  We love each other.  We wanted to be together, but God said no.

I told myself I would never date another "baby Christian."  He was different.  He was growing so quickly and God showed me things in him I had asked for.  I took a leap and let God lead.  Where I went wrong was that when Jesus and I were almost to our destination, I looked ahead at what was approaching and instead of letting Him continue to lead, I ran ahead to get there faster.  We (the Ex and I) both did.

What resulted was us rushing into a relationship before we were both fully equipped.  It was me never quite feeling right or at peace.  It was neither of us growing in our relationship with Christ.  It was him losing his desire to learn and grow in the knowledge of the word.  It was him not fellowshiping with his brothers and having accountability.  It was me becoming his mommy with the "you should be" and "why aren't you" statements and pleading with God to make him into the leader I needed him to be.  It was us arguing and disrespecting.  And then it became us trying to put a bandaid on a broken leg.

Finally, God told me what I needed to hear:  you have taken My place in his heart; get out of the way; mind your business; I need to work on you too.  I knew He was right and I obeyed.  It's killing me, but I'm obeying.  I did what God told me and I walked away.

Some say, "life is short.  If you love each other work it out together."  That's right.  Life IS short and I have wasted too much of mine being disobedient to God and paying harsher consequences than I needed to.  I learned, though.  Nothing in this world is worth disobeying God. Nothing. 

I don't know what the future holds.  He could grow into a mighty man of God and I will hopefully learn to have a better attitude, be more patient and grow into the godly woman God is calling me to be and then the Lord could bring us back together.  Or not.  As much as it hurts and will continue to hurt, I will never regret being obedient to God.  He is faithful.  He will honor my obedience...

If you think of me, say a little prayer for strength. :)