Insensitivity where you need it the least...

Man have I been going through a rough time. Who do I tend to turn to when life is not on my side? My sisters. Especially Katie. She may be the youngest, but she sure has a lot of insight about a lot of things and seems to be the most level-headed of us all, which makes her one of the best people to get advice from and to tell you the truth when you needed the most. She has done this for me a lot.

But there is another side to the coin...

I've had a lot of crying and venting to do in the last 2 weeks. Katie has been there for me and given me a lot of good advice. The problem is that days later she will literally make fun of how I was crying about this or how I was venting about that. Not only is it hurtful to me, but it's also embarassing and discouraging.

I so desperately want to show the world that I'm not the same person I used to be--a person who was overly sensitive, emotionally damaged, and prone to self-pity and depression. I have improved and grown so much (by the grace and love of God), but that doesn't mean that when I'm going through a rough patch that I'm not going to be emotional and sad. I am still a human being.

I feel like I'm getting nowhere, however, when I go to my sister for advice, comfort, venting, etc., and she turns around and mocks me in public and makes me seem like the insanely, overdramatic person that I used to be. That is not helping me to show the world that I've changed.

It is so hurtful and frustrating for me. It makes me feel like I don't really want to share these things with my sister anymore, even if it means losing that great insight and advice. It's not worth feeling embarrased and like crap when a couple of days (or even hours) later she is making fun of my emotions to the first person she sees or a group of people. =(

I guess in the end I already know the solution: Turn to the Lord. He will NEVER mock me or make me feel like I'm overreacting or being too emotional. He doesn't role His eyes as if to say, "here we go again." He just holds me in His arms and reminds me that He's there for me. He won't share my "business" with the world and make me look like a fool... Even if I was crying way more than I maybe needed to at the end of Marley & Me....