Kablooie! Part 2

Okay, so back to the story. (Sorry, I'm at work and I had to go to lunch.)

So, like I said, a calmness came over me and I was okay. In fact, I felt a sense of relief. No, it wasn't the reaction I wanted from him, but at least I didn't have to sit there and rack my brain worrying about whether he really liked me or not. It was an answer. So, that same night, despite the fact that I'm still pretty sick, I go to Bible study so that I can talk to Diana about it... plus, I need the Lord big time at that moment. I'm thinking she knows since they work together. Nope--she's downright shocked when I break the news to her.

CONFUSING!

She tells me that she can't believe it because he was so excited about going hiking and he really likes me and yada yada yada. She tells me that he had come up to her at work wanting to talk to her about something, but she was taking a call and told him she would go find him later. We both come to the conclusion that he probably wanted to talk to her about what was going on between him and me.

Of course, after a while I start crying. I tell her that I'm not crying because he wants to be friends--I'm crying because he just didn't give me the chance to show him that I could open up and relate to him. He just gave up on me. Plus, I couldn't understand why me being worried about him would set him off like that. We were both pretty darn confused. She started getting into how he would light up talking about me and how he had prayed for a girl like me. The only issue he had was that I wasn't opening up enough, but, again, he didn't give me the chance to remedy that. We both also came to the conclusion that maybe for some crazy reason he thought that I was rejecting him, so to protect his own heart he just started shutting me out before I could do it to him.... ?????

I finally just told her that I was over it and basically said that I want to move on, but she kept essentially asking me to hold on to hope. She wanted to talk to him first. I didn't have the heart to tell her that part of me really doesn't want to hold onto hope because all it does is play with my emotion and my heart and I don't know how much more I can take. The other part of me does want to hope that at least he'll let me be his friend and then be able to see the real me and fall in love with that. I'm not holding my breath though.

As of Sunday, she still had not spoken to him, and as of today I still have not heard from her. In one way I can't want to hear what she has to say about their conversation, but in another I am terrified that the news is gonna just get worse (he doesn't even want to be friends; there's some other chick; etc...). I can't take this crap!

I hate dating!!!!!!!!!

Lord, I know you have a plan for my life and that if Henry isn't the one it's because someone 10 times better is about to come along, but this still sucks! And so close to Valentine's Day!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!