Love. Sick.

I know I promised to write about my trip, but I'm just not up to it yet... It's a lot to go over. I will get to it though. I promise.

Anyway, so I have been sick literally from when I was in Ireland up until now. I have been only doing half-days at work and then coming home. I have a constant headache. I swear. I can barely concentrate (but enough to write a blog, huh... =P). Well, while I've been home I've just been planted on the couch, watching chick flicks. lol. I found this movie, Love + Hate, on On Demand (Time Warner) under Sundance in the Free Movies section. I swear to Bob that this has to be one of the most romantic stories I've ever come across. It literally made me sob. Not from the story, but from a sheer longing to have love in my life. I literally sat there and cried, begging God to put someone in my life. Stupid story.

I don't think I've EVER felt this much of a longing to have love in my life. I have hit my limit. I don't know how much longer I can wait. I don't want to feel down on myself or get depressed over it. I'm not depressed at all. Maybe it's the fact that I am sick right now and not in my right mind, but I just want to cry at the thought of not having someone. I don't feel lonely in any way except in the love department. In that way, I feel like I am on a desert island with no hope of rescue.

I'm trying to snap myself out of it. It's not good for me to think this way or dwell on these types of things. I also feel guilty because I am only sending God the message that 1) I don't trust in Him (in that He will provide me someone) and 2) that just He alone is not good enough... meaning, I won't be happy on this planet with just His love, but that I need the love of another human being in order to feel like I am fulfilled. As a Christian, that is wrong and if I were God I would be insulted and wouln't want to give me a thing. Fortunately for me, He is a loving God and I'm sure His heart hurts for my pain. I know He want to give me everything I want, but He needs more from me.

I'm sorry, God. Help me to be content no matter what my situation. In the same breath, though, I will say that You told us, "ask and you shall receive." I am asking right now with full faith and love that You put someone in my life who loves You and through that will love, cherish, and honor me, and to whom I can do all the same. Thank You. All good comes from You.

See, now I feel better. =)