If it's not one thing it's another...

Man, I'm just having a bad week. I've been feeling the enemy's attacks for a while now, but now it's on the home front.

My dad has been one of the biggest jerks to me in the last couple of days, well actually on and off for the last year or so. It hurts and it pisses me off at the same time. I don't deserve this. I'm tired of it and it makes me want to get out of here ASAP.

For the longest time I held my dad up on this pedestal of sorts. Yes, he cheated on my mom and doesn't live a godly life, but I always nevertheless saw him as one of my biggest heroes because of the fact that he's been able to overcome so many hardships in his life to get were he is today (by the grace of God). By the world's standards, he had every reason to grow up to be an alcoholic who was never there for his family like his father was, but he didn't do that. Sometimes, he was our father AND our mother when my Mom wasn't available to us. Sometimes, he was my only comforter.

Nowadays, he's one of my biggest sources of DIScomfort. He's downright mean to me at times and I just don't understand why.

Yesterday, it was POURING rain outside and I had to go to work. I nicely and politely asked him if he could please move his car so I could get out of the driveway. He flat out refused to do it. It made me so angry that I was literally tempted to put his car in nuetral and bump it down the driveway (letting it possibly run into the neighbor's house), then take off and let him deal with the aftermath.

What pissed me off so hard? Not just the fact that he flat our refused, thus causing me to have to move his car and mine and being late to work, but the fact that this "man" would allow his daughter (as in female child) to have to go out into the rain and get drenched, just because he wanted to be childish and not have some woman tell him what to do (despite the fact that I asked nicely). What man does that? No real man is going to be so flat our rude and disrespectful to a woman like that. But good old Dad sure does.

As I drove away angry and with tears streaming down my face, I remembered what this "man" told me just the other day when we were talking about how things didn't work out with Henry... He told me that I need to be more feminine. REALLY, Dad? And how am I supposed to be more feminine, when my own father won't even treat me like the lady that I am? In fact, he's never treated me like a lady... more like a bratty, annoying little sister, or even recently like a slave, who is only good for washing dishes (and not even washing them right in his opinion).

It hurts enough being out in this world full of rude, selfish, ill-mannered men, but to have even my own father treat me with disrespect, sucks even harder. This is supposed to be my number one model of how a man is supposed to treat me.

Well, I'm telling you one thing right now: I really hope that the man that the Lord has for me is nothing like my Dad in this respect. I need a man who is gentle, caring, respectful, chivalrous... ready to slay dragons for me, not willing to throw the sword in my hand and let me defend myself!

The saddest part about this all is that I can't even talk to him about it. He's never wrong...