I wish I could say that I always get answers to my questions, but this is reality. Sometimes we don't get to know. Then sometimes we get answers, but they aren't exactly the answers we wanted.
Today I got an answer. It wasn't something I would have wanted, but it was necessary...
Let me backtrack. As I mentioned in my first post of the year, things went in a not-so-good direction with the special person in my life. It's been about a month since we last communicated and I was doing well with not being upset and letting it get to me. I was trying to move on and focus on what matters... God's plan for my life.
I shared what was going on with people around me and started getting the same reaction from a few people: "He's going to realize the mistake he's made and come back." To me that sounded far-fetched, but then again, I believe in a God who can do things like that. So I guess I started allowing myself to hope because afterall, "hope comes from the Lord." There is nothing really wrong with hoping, but the problem is that for me to hope opens the door for me to become consumed with something that may not even happen.
On top of this smidgen of hope, I've also felt that the Lord is calling me to pray for this man. There have even been times where I tried to "forget" to pray for him and then the Lord sort of says, "hey... you forgot someone." I don't mind praying for my "friend," but it's hard to forget someone when you have to think of him at least once a day in prayer.
Anyway, all this to say that I've had a hard time letting go and moving on because this guy is in my thoughts, and even my dreams, all the time.
Well, this morning, I broke down and asked the Lord to help me move on. Whether or not this man will ever be a part of my life, right now, in this moment of my life, I need to forget him and move on. I cried out to God to help me to forget and move on, even if I'm still called to pray for him.
God was listening.
A few hours later, I'm at my desk and my friend (who happens to sit in the cubicle right next to him) texts me to see how I'm doing. I confess to her that I've had Mr. Man on my mind constantly and its been driving me crazy. She first started telling me that she doesn't like him anymore and that he was wrong for not being genuine with me after I laid out all my feelings. I knew she was going somewhere with this and asked her to tell me what's up. That's when she told me that he announced at work that he had gone on a date Saturday night.
Wham! How's that for a reason to move on and let go? lol.
It stung, but by God's grace it didn't devastate me. I told her that he has every right to date and that I was glad she told me. She, like a good friend, reinforced how disappointed in him she is. I appreciated it, but I told her that I still am not angry with him. (For the record, despite those baby hopes that someday God would fix everything and we would be together [which He could still do if He wanted to], I truly forgave him a while ago and have wanted at the very least to reconcile our friendship.)
I left it alone, but then something dawned on me at lunch. I had asked God this very morning to help me move on and through that text conversation with my dear friend, He answered my prayers. He is showing me that I do indeed need to move on.
So now not only have I had the clear and straighforward messages from God that I need to trust Him and wait on Him, but He has also made it clear that I need to move on and move forward.
I hear you, Lord. You are coming in loud and clear. I am listening. Please help me now to obey...
As for my friend, Lord, be with him. Keep Your hands on him and continue to bless him. Draw him close to You and fix his eyes upon You. Reveal your plan for him and show him that You are all that matters. Lord, convict his heart of those things that hinder his relationship with You. Refine both of us. Sift us Lord. Make us both better in you.
You know why this has happened the way it has and I trust that You will never do anything to harm me. Everything You allow to happen is for our good and Your glory. Thank you, Lord. "You give and take away... my heart will choose to say, 'Lord, Blessed be Your Name.'"
Hebrews 6:10
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“God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have
shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.”
7 hours ago
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3 comments:
Hey Kristina, I enjoyed reading your blog today. I'm quite new to Blog Spot, and have spent some time hunting around for people who are really upfront and honest about struggles we have as Christian women. I've just been reflecting on my own church life experiences, and noteably one constant: a huge shortage of men in the church. It's so easy for us to get our hopes up when dates (within Christian churchs in my country, at least) can be few and far between. I've also pondered the topic of hope, which is worse: false hope or no hope? I'm glad you've found peace in this situation and have acheived letting go and letting God.
Hi Pink. It's always nice to meet other women with the same struggles. Welcome to my little blog.
I dont know if I've achieved letting go, but I think with God's help, I'm achieving it one day at a time. :)
Yes, there does seem to be a shortage of men in the church, but I do know there are good, God-loving men out there (for the most part, this guy was one of them). Unfortunately, even those ones have their hangups and insecurities (like us God-loving girls), on top of living in a world that tells them to look for an ideal that doesnt exist and to wait and enjoy life before pursuing marriage. Who loses? Us, but so do they.
All this aside, I know that I need to trust that the Lord has my life under His control and He's ordering my steps. My job is to get out there, work hard, serve Him and pray.
I'm sorry things didn't work out.
You sound like a really sweet young Christian woman.
From what I gathered from your post, you told him that you liked him and you were upfront with him about how you felt. I hope I got that right?
Anyway, maybe that scared him. Maybe he was too immature to handle an upfront straightforward gal.
Which is too bad. I think that's a wonderful quality to have.
Anyway, there aren't many men in church, and on top of that, let's be real, there aren't many good godly men in church. There are some though, so there's more hope, at least in that.
Have a great week my dear, and stop by my blog when you can. I'm having 14 days of love, a post each day about love, beginning yesterday, and ending on Valentines Day. Maybe something that I write will help you out in some way.
Take Care
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