Stepping back...

Things are never not complicated in Kristinaland.  Lol.

I am very blessed.  The Lord loves me and truly has poured His favor out upon me.  I believe its in response to areas in my life where I have chosen to be more obediant, but even that can be attributed to Him.  The things He has healed me of have helped facilitate my ability to be obediant.  So it all comes back to Him. :)

Go God! 

There is still that one area that I struggle with, however.  Guess which one...

*dun dun dun*

Yes, the double L word... Love life.

Blah!

It feels like I'll never get that one right.  And I dont mean that I can't make it happen, but that I can't let it happen.  I cant just allow things to happen. 

The guy in my life is a good guy.  He is very special.  I have never met anyone like him.  He loves the Lord. He is kindhearted, generous,  handsome, smart, etc.... and I feel like I can be myself with him. I really like him and I know he cares for me.

The problem with us girls is that when we find someone we want and are hopeful about, we go into "try to control the situation" mode.  We want to make things happen.  We want to help things along.  However, because that is not our job, but his, that puts him in "I dont know about this anymore" mode and things go south from there. :(

I dont know if that is happening right now.  It feels like it, and although I think there are things I do need to see him step up on, for the most part I feel that I am the problem here.

I think God agrees.

This is why I'm taking a step back.  I need to re-group and remember Who is number one here... Who gives me everything and fulfills my life. 

I also need to step back and let my "friend" come to me.

The Word says that Husbands need to love their wives the way Christ loves the church.  The church is the bride, but before we can be His bride, He pursues us.  He knocks on the door of our hearts and never gives up until we say yes.

I want to (and frankly need to) be pursued in the same way. 

So, right now I feel that the Lord is telling me that He has things under control, but that what He needs from me is to back off and stop making things so easy for Mister Man.  I'm going to comply... Even if I habe to force myself.  Even if I risk losing this guy.  I must be obedient.  I know it will be worth it.

Lord, thank You for being real with me.  I know you want nothing but the best things for me.  Strengthen me, guide me, and equip me.  Fix my eyes on you.  I surrender this ship to You, trusting that You are its most skilled and experienced captain.  In Jesus' name, AMEN!