Harvest

I'm at the first ever Harvest Crusade Los Angeles at Dodger Stadium.  The Spirit is moving.  AMEN!!

No quiero...

I don't want to...

... stay in this house much longer.  I hate to sound like I'm complaining, but.... I'm tired of doing 100 dishes daily that I didn't even dirty.  I'm tired of no air conditioning or heat.  I'm tired of someone using my makeup, shampoo, body spray, lotions, feminine products, etc.  What is no bueno is that I don't know how much longer the house-hunting thing is going to take.  Maybe until I do find something decent, I should start looking at apartments again.  I just need my own space.  *sigh*

... worry any more.   I know I worry too much and it's SINFUL.  Literally.  It shows a lack of full faith in the Lord.  I wish I didn't worry so much.  I wish "casting all my cares" on the Lord was as easy as taking the garbage out, dumping it, and walking away.  It's not. 

... be alone anymore.  Not even just romantically, but physically.  I'm ready for a partner with whom I can spend my free time and enjoy life.  The fact is, the older you get, the less people you find who are alone.  Everyone is paired up and they don't have time for those who aren't.  Me, myself, and I isn't cutting it anymore.

... wait, but I have to.  If I push things or try to make things happen myself, they will just get fouled up.  It happens EVERY time.   I have to leave things in God's hands and trust that he's working it out and knows things I don't know.  He can see the whole picture.

... feel sorry for myself, despite all of the above.  This life is not a waste, but it can feel like I'm wasting it sometimes. 

I gotta get myself out there.  Lord, put opportunities to serve you in front of me.  Help me to be grateful for the blessings I have.  Send me where you need me.  Do with me what you will...

UPDATE:

How convenient that this is today's scripture:

Psalm 143:10 - “Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.”

Our evil. God's glory.

"You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good." Genesis 50:20

Sometimes horrible things happen that seem to be pointless, but God takes these things and uses them for his glory.  In the 1950s, five missionaries went into the territory of one of the most deadly tribes of the Amazon, even though it was likely they would lose their lives, because they loved these people enough to share God's love with them.  They did die at the hands of these murderous people, but what God did with their deaths was amazing and unbelievable... almost impossible. 

Good thing with God, NOTHING is impossible...

Warning:  Prepare to bawls your eyes out on this one and the goodness of God.   =)

34

Pounds!

Yeah, as of today, I've lost 34 lbs.  I don't even know how to process that.  6 more and I'm down 40 lbs. 

Honestly, I don't think I really ever could have believed I would be capable of such a feat, but I'll take it!

Excuse me while I go do a little happy dance...

Don't Worry!

Lord, you always know what I need to hear the most!

Today's devotional from Word for You Today was exactly... I mean EXACTLY.... what I needed:

Don’t Worry About It

“Casting all your care upon Him, for he cares for you.” 1Pe 5:7 NKJV

Jesus said, “Do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For [non-believers] run after all these things” (Mt 6:31-32 NIV). One author writes: “The other day I was worrying about something when I heard a minister say, ‘Worry is a lack of trust in God.’ So then I began to worry over the fact that I was worrying. Then someone else said, ‘Just don’t worry about it.’ Sounds simple enough, but I come from a line of people who speak faith, but act out of fear. Then a friend came up with this novel idea: ‘Why don’t you try this worry coupon. It entitles you to worry as much as you like, but only if: (a) it will feed and clothe you; (b) it will add to your life instead of taking from it; (c) it will make tomorrow better; (d) you don’t mind acting like a non-believer!’ Then he said, ‘If that doesn’t work make a list of all the things you’re worrying about, place it in a box and put it up on a shelf where you can’t see it. If God is either unwilling or unable to take care of it, you can always go get the box and start worrying again—but at least give Him a chance. And while you are waiting for Him to answer, pray, stand on His Word and don’t give your worries a voice.’” The Amplified Bible says: “Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you.”

Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me

There is nothing like the oldies when it comes to love songs....  =) 

*sigh*

Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me
Mel Carter

Hold me, hold me
Never let me go until you've told me, told me
What I want to know and then just hold me, hold me
Make me tell you I'm in love with you

Thrill me (thrill me), thrill me (thrill me)
Walk me down the lane where shadows will be (will be) will be (will be)
Hiding lovers just the same as we'll be, we'll be
When you make me tell you I love you

They told me "Be sensible with your new love"
"Don't be fooled, thinking this is the last you'll find"
But they never stood in the dark with you, love
When you take me in your arms and drive me slowly out of my mind

Kiss me (kiss me), kiss me (kiss me)
And when you do, I'll know that you will miss me (miss me), miss me (miss me)
If we ever say "Adieu", so kiss me, kiss me
Make me tell you I'm in love with you

Second thoughts... the Update

So after all my fear and fretting (which by now I should know better than to do), everything with me pulling out of the Condo went fine. I called the Realtor up and she was totally understandable. She even said that if I was her daughter she would advise me against getting the place too because of the driving distance.

Phew!

So now the hunt is back on. I'm hoping I can find something just as great (or even better?), but a lot closer to where I'll be hopefully working very soon. The good thing is that if for some crazy reason this promotion is not approved, I'm looking in a place where I will be minutes from where I work now.... so it will work out either way.

I'm kinda excited to get out and look again. I'm not gonna lie.... it's fun. =)

Hope I can find my very own place very soon... and for real this time. lol.

Second thoughts...

So I was recently offered an amazing promotion and I jumped all over it, even though I know that the drive from where I'm trying to purchase my condo to work will be horrendously long. I couldn't pass up the opportunity, but now I'm having buyer's remorse... for the Condo.

Thankfully, it's not bought... yet.

When I agreed to commit to this particular place I really didn't foresee getting any kind of promotion in the near future and was fine with the location and how far it is from my current workplace. Well now that I know I will have to drive AT LEAST an hour and a half (one way) every day, I'm really not so sure about the location.

I've been waiting for a good 3 months now to hear back from the bank (it's a short sale). I still haven't gotten any news. I've also been sort of checking out condos a little closer to Downtown LA and the prices are really going down (a few months ago, the areas I was looking at were way out of my price range). I'm starting to think I might want to pull out of this one and start looking elsewhere.

The problem? My conscience. When my realtor put my offer in, she asked me if I was sure I wanted to commit because they had already had someone else walk away from the property in the middle of the process. I assured her that yes I was ready to commit.

Yeah, well that was before I got offered a job a million miles away.

I am a woman of my word and I don't make promises I don't intend to keep, but I also had no way of knowing that God had a huge blessing in store for me... So.... now I'm completely torn. I really don't want the house anymore. I really do want to look closer to work. I really don't want to let these people or my realtor down and definitely don't want anyone upset with me.

*sigh*

The other problem? Although I'm confident this job is mine, there is no guarantee until the paperwork is signed and approved. There is also no guarantee that the bank will approve the short sale.

Right now I don't know if I should call the realtor and tell her I want out so I don't waste anyone's time any more than I need to, or wait and see what happens. I have no idea.

I've been praying like crazy asking the Lord to tell me what to do, and so far I still don't know.

If it were up to me, I would just pull out, to be honest, but I want to make sure that what I want is exactly what the Lord wants for me also...

=(