Surrender already!

This post from Boundless really speaks to what I'm feeling right now.  It's like there is a war going on inside.  I--me, who I am in the Lord--genuinely WANTS to surrender all, but the flesh wants the opposite and my sinful nature is trying to convince me to just give it up all together because I'm such a hard time doing it to begin with.  I've always been that way:  If you can't do it right, don't do it at all.  I don't WANT that though.  I want to be obedient.  Here is a bit of what the author has to say about this:

And so I have a hard time singing those words, because I know that a more honest version might go something like this: “I surrender … some.”

I think both Peter and Paul might have had similar experiences with this hymn, though for different reasons, had it been around for them to sing. Peter, of course, probably would have belted it out at the top of his voice. He was, after all, the disciple who proclaimed to Jesus on the eve of His crucifixion, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will” (Mt. 26:33). A few short verses later, Peter has abandoned his Lord, who’s been taken into the custody of the Jewish religious leaders. We read in v. 58, “But Peter followed him at a distance …” Shortly thereafter, three quick and vehement denials would follow. How well intended Peter’s loyalty was! How far short he fell!

And then there’s Paul. In Romans 7 we read his famous description of the war between the two natures. “So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:21-25).

I can relate to Paul’s words here. There’s a part of me that genuinely longs to walk with Jesus. And there’s another part of me that, like a stubborn prodigal, insists on doing things Sinatra-style: my way. And so I wander away. I’m reminded of Robert Robinson’s classic hymn “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing,” which includes the lines, “Let Thy goodness, like a fetter/Bind my wandering heart to Thee/Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it/Prone to leave the God I love/Here’s my heart, O take and seal it/Seal it for Thy courts above.”

*sigh*

Lord, help me.  Help me to die to myself.  Help me lay down those things that are coming between You and I.  Help me to lay down those things I have no business and not enough strength to carry myself.  Help me to let go.  Help me to be content in WHATEVER circumstance I am in.  Help me to hide your Word and promises in my heart at all times.  Help me only the way You can.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.