Still here... barely

I'm still here, blog.  Sorry I've neglected you.  So much has been happening.  Busy at work, which I love.  Have an offer in on a condo (short sale).  Started going to the young adult (26-35 year olds) ministry at church and it's been a big blessing.  Started journaling my thoughts and prayers in a notebook instead of here (sorry!).  =)

Oh and there's that other thing...  The thing where I'm still trying to get over the boy (I know... stupid).  It's been a LOT better than it was a month ago, but I still wonder and ruminate over everything.  If I could have things my way, we would reconcile and be friends again, and part of me thinks that could happen one day, but I know it won't be after a lot of time has passed. 

My sister has a boyfriend now.  She met him a month ago.  A MONTH and it already seems like this one is the One for her.

Now don't get me wrong.  I'm over the moon for my sister and I actually prayed for this, but I admit, it feels like a slap in the face.  I can't help but feel frustrated and wonder what in the name of all that is just and right I'm doing wrong.  My sister JUST decided to start dating again and WHAM!, prayers answered.  I've been trying to put myself out there for over a year and all I've gotten is one situation that was a bust.  *sigh*

Lord, please.  Please.  I need your reassurance right now.  I need some hope.  I need to know that I'm not going to be alone forever.  *tear* 

Forgive my weakness...

Acts 14:22

Acts 14:22  "...'We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God,' they said."

It's been about a month since my last post.  Have I gotten over homeboy yet?  Of course not.  That would mean that the devil decided to leave me alone for once.  Not happening.  lol

I still pray for him and think about him, and I've even sent him a couple of devotionals, but I know now that it's pointless and I need to just move on.  Well, prayer is not pointless, but holding on is. 

This man is over it and is showing it by being very rude and un-Christianlike toward my friend who sits next to him.  The day before yesterday was the last straw for me.  She emailed me and told me that he came into work being overly friendly with everyone in the room and completely ignoring her.  I can't help but feel that his behavior toward her directly reflects his feelings toward me.  His message is being read loud and clear. 

I just have lost so much respect for this man and am still in shock that he's acting like this, but I am starting to become mad.  I know he feels guilty over 1) the lack of respect he showed me and our friendship; and 2) the way he's walked away from the Lord.  My friend is a reminder of both, but that in no way means she deserves this type of treatment... especially because she has been nothing but gracious toward him despite the way he treated me.

It's just sad that someone could treat his sisters in the Lord in this way.  I used to think he was a good man, and I know somewhere in there he still is, but maybe these are his true colors.   Well, I suppose these are all of our true colors when we aren't walking with the Lord.  *sigh*

Needless to say, I am definitely moving on at this point.  I don't even see being friends with him anymore.  He has shown himself to be unreliable, selfish, and full of pride.  I know the Lord will bring this man back to a right relationship with him (He did it with me).  I just pray it's sooner rather than later. 

Anyway...

I do have some good news:  I had put a backup offer in on a condo I really liked.  I didn't really think it would happen because its in a highly sought-after complex, but I guess the Lord has His own plans, right?  I got word from my realtor last week that the orginal buyer walked away and they wanted to submit my offer.  To say I was excited was an understatement.  Although, I try not to get too excited because, just like in my love life (lol), the minute I get attached, shazaam!  It's gone.  For now, I'm hopeful and feeling like this is going to be my house.   Please, Lord, let this be my house. 


Lord, I thank you for loving me so much.  Even when certain areas of my life feel like unrepairable mush, there are still other things that I can continue to rejoice over.  You are way too good to me and I know that the blessings will always outway the heartbreaks, though they continue.   Continue to make me better in You.  You are all that matters. 

Answers...

I wish I could say that I always get answers to my questions, but this is reality.  Sometimes we don't get to know.  Then sometimes we get answers, but they aren't exactly the answers we wanted. 

Today I got an answer.  It wasn't something I would have wanted, but it was necessary...

Let me backtrack.  As I mentioned in my first post of the year, things went in a not-so-good direction with the special person in my life.  It's been about a month since we last communicated and I was doing well with not being upset and letting it get to me.  I was trying to move on and focus on what matters... God's plan for my life. 

I shared what was going on with people around me and started getting the same reaction from a few people:  "He's going to realize the mistake he's made and come back."   To me that sounded far-fetched, but then again,  I believe in a God who can do things like that.  So I guess I started allowing myself to hope because afterall, "hope comes from the Lord."  There is nothing really wrong with hoping, but the problem is that for me to hope opens the door for me to become consumed with something that may not even happen. 

On top of this smidgen of hope, I've also felt that the Lord is calling me to pray for this man.  There have even been times where I tried to "forget" to pray for him and then the Lord sort of says, "hey... you forgot someone."  I don't mind praying for my "friend," but it's hard to forget someone when you have to think of him at least once a day in prayer. 

Anyway, all this to say that I've had a hard time letting go and moving on because this guy is in my thoughts, and even my dreams, all the time.

Well, this morning, I broke down and asked the Lord to help me move on.  Whether or not this man will ever be a part of my life, right now, in this moment of my life, I need to forget him and move on.  I cried out to God to help me to forget and move on, even if I'm still called to pray for him.

God was listening.

A few hours later, I'm at my desk and my friend (who happens to sit in the cubicle right next to him) texts me to see how I'm doing.  I confess to her that I've had Mr. Man on my mind constantly and its been driving me crazy.  She first started telling me that she doesn't like him anymore and that he was wrong for not being genuine with me after I laid out all my feelings.  I knew she was going somewhere with this and asked her to tell me what's up.  That's when she told me that he announced at work that he had gone on a date Saturday night.

Wham!  How's that for a reason to move on and let go?  lol.

It stung, but by God's grace it didn't devastate me.   I told her that he has every right to date and that I was glad she told me.  She, like a good friend, reinforced how disappointed in him she is.  I appreciated it, but I told her that I still am not angry with him.  (For the record, despite those baby hopes that someday God would fix everything and we would be together [which He could still do if He wanted to], I truly forgave him a while ago and have wanted at the very least to reconcile our friendship.) 

I left it alone, but then something dawned on me at lunch.  I had asked God this very morning to help me move on and through that text conversation with my dear friend, He answered my prayers.  He is showing me that I do indeed need to move on. 

So now not only have I had the clear and straighforward messages from God that I need to trust Him and wait on Him, but He has also made it clear that I need to move on and move forward.

I hear you, Lord.  You are coming in loud and clear.  I am listening.  Please help me now to obey...

As for my friend, Lord, be with him.  Keep Your hands on him and continue to bless him.  Draw him close to You and fix his eyes upon You.  Reveal your plan for him and show him that You are all that matters.  Lord, convict his heart of those things that hinder his relationship with You.  Refine both of us.  Sift us Lord.  Make us both better in you. 

You know why this has happened the way it has and I trust that You will never do anything to harm me.  Everything You allow to happen is for our good and Your glory.  Thank you, Lord.   "You give and take away... my heart will choose to say, 'Lord, Blessed be Your Name.'"

It's a new year. Let's make it a good one...

"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all..." Psalm 34:19


I've been missing in action, blog.  Sorry.  A lot has happened.   Actually, things took a turn only hours after my last blog post was published.  Long story, but the gist is that the special person in my life is no more. 

Things were awkward and very much up in the air.  I was confused and sad.  I finally asked him if something had changed.  No answer.  3 weeks later, still no answer.  

They say that sometimes no answer IS your answer, but I think part of me knew that I wouldn't get an aswer even though he is otherwise a good and honorable man.  Let's be real though, it doesn't matter what kind of man he is, a man is a man and all men are afraid of what they perceive as an emotional outburst waiting to happen.  Too bad he didn't give me the opportunity to show him that I could be understanding. 

*sigh*

Anyway, I was depressed and hurt for about a week and then I pulled myself together.  I'm much better now and moving on.  What helps is that I know I really tried to handle things in the best way possible with this man and I don't feel that I did anything wrong in this situation.  This is the first time I feel that it's more about his issues than my own.  Not that I'm blaming anyone, but this is the first time I've dated a man where I was not insecure or waiting for him to figure out that he was too good for me.  lol.  (That is hilarious when I go back and read it, but true.)   This was the first time that I felt like myself with a man and that we were a good match for each other.

So, yeah, I don't think it was about me this time....

Well, reflecting back on all this, I can see that the Lord is telling me to just keep waiting patiently on Him.  I also feel like He's showing me that He had me on a specific path, including purchasing my own home, and I let it get sidetracked because I was wrapped up in hoping that this man was the one. 

So now, I'm re-focusing my efforts on getting back on the plan that I was originally focusing on.  My love life is on the backburner and I'm kinda okay with that.  It exhausted me and I don't even want to bother with it right now, which is amusing since there are a few options out there.  Sorry guys.  lol.

I guess the take-away from all this is:
1. I need to trust in the Lord completely and focus on Him; He's all that matters.
2. Stick to the plan!
3. Despite what happened with this man, I've learned that I can be myself and someone will like me just the way I am. 
4. There are good men out there that Love the Lord, I just need to let Him bring me the right one.
5. Even when bad things like this happen, I can still look back and see all the amazing things too.  2011 was NOT a bust.  It was more amazing than sad.  I can rejoice in the Lord over it.  =)

Lord, please keep me focused on you.  You are everything and I am nothing.  Thank you for getting me through this hard time and for restoring my peace and joy so quickly.  Your power is made perfect in my weakness.  I love you, Lord.  Please bless this new year even more than you did the last.  In Jesus' name, amen!

Rest in Peace, Nessa

Speaking of being in the deep, scary valley...

This morning I got news from my sister that her old best friend, Vanessa, passed in a horrible car accident yesterday morning.   I don't know the details, but I'm sure she was probably on her way home from a Halloween party.  

It is so tragic.  She was so young and full of life.  This was a girl with a giant smile and a laugh for everything.  This was also a girl who had a very tight relationship with her siblings and right now my heart hurts so much for her family. 

From what I saw, Katie and Vanessa drifted apart when Katie decided she didn't want to party anymore, but wanted to walk more closely with God.  Friendships change when that happens.  Some people would rather continue on the dead-end road that is life lived in the world.  I hope and pray that somewhere along the line, Nessa was able to connect with the Lord and be saved, but there is no way of knowing.  God knows and that's all that matters.

Lord, be with this family.  Pour your comfort and peace onto them right now.  Use this tragedy for your glory, Lord.  May this be a wakeup call to those around Vanessa who have been ignoring your call upon their lives.  May we all grow closer to you, Lord, for our days our short and our lives are but a vapor.... here today and gone tomorrow. 

I love you, Lord, and thank you for abundant life through your salvation!  Hallelujah!

******************************************

UPDATE (11/3/11):  Here is an article on Nessa's accident.  Lord, God, be with her family.  May you continue to use this for your glory.  Amen!

From the top of the mountain to the bottom of the valley...

We are to rejoice in the Lord when times are good (top of the mountain) AND when times are bad (bottom of the valley).   Right now I'm in the low, deep pit of the valley, but I'm going to rejoice in the Lord anyway.

Right now I am going through a painful and confusing time in my life that has come seemingly out of no where.  I was on the top of the mountain, singing "the hills are alive..." (lol).  Then it was like I suddenly lost my footing and slid rapidly down into the scary unknown below. 

Why does God allow that to happen?  There are so many reasons.  For me, I believe one reason is that the Lord wants... no requires... that I turn my focus on Him, and although He is not a cruel God, He will use any means to make that happen, even allowing "bad" things to "happen."

His ultimate aim is to bring us back to a place where we rely fully on Him... not ourselves, not anyone else. 

Lord, thanks for taking desperate measures to get me back into a right standing with You... even if it hurt.  I know You love me.   I rejoice in that and I look forward to returning to the top of the mountain soon.  

Amen!

Just when you think...

Just when you think things are going well, then they appear to be not.  *sigh*

I don't understand, but maybe I'm not supposed to.  I've learned that the Lord will sometimes let me go through a moment of uncertainty, confusion, and even a litte bit of despair so that I can re-focus my attention on Him... where it belongs. 

I'm trying my best to hope that this is one of those times and not anything I really need to worry about.

Everytime it feels things are unraveling in my life, I keep coming back to the same verse from Proverbs:  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight."

That last part is a promise from the Word.  I need to acknowledge Him and His importance in my life (above ALL other things and people) and He will take care of the rest.

For now, I am grateful for godly women from whom I can seek godly counsel and even the kick in the pants I need.  Right now I'm hearing the Lord say, "Be still and know that I am God." 

Okay Lord.  Settle my heart.  I'm ready to be still.

Now I'm found...

Darn you, Jon Acuff.  It's like you know everything about me.  lol.    His latest SCL post hit home for me.  Especially this part:

I don’t care if you’re Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Mormon, Atheist or Agnostic. I think deep down inside, we all want to be found. We all want someone to come looking for us. We want people to be glad when they are with us. As Radiohead once said, “I want you to notice when I’m not around.”


That’s how I was in college. I was really insecure and was dating a girl that didn’t seem that concerned if I was around. So when we went to parties, I would get a little drunk and then hide. By “hide,” I really wish I meant “go outside and sit on a curb forlornly like a singer/songwriter waiting for inspiration.”

Alas, that is not what I meant. I used to go hide in closets. I would stand there in the dark of the closet, awkwardly shoved amidst coasts and shoes waiting for her to look for me. Wanting, more than anything those stupid nights, for her to notice I was missing. For her to come find me. For me to be found.

That was so me and admittedly, on a bad day, it might still be me some times.  The first memory I have of feeling this way and being sorely disappointed was when I was around six years old.  For some reason I became upset with my mom and I told her I was going to run away.  I took off down the street and ended up down at the pool (we lived in a gated community) on a bench.  I sat there and watched the street hoping to see my mom come frantically running down it, worried to death about me. 

She never came. 

I think that hurt more than anything.  My own mom didn't want to find me.   (She later told me that she saw where I ran off to and wasn't worried.  Thanks, Mom.  lol)

When I got older I would pull the same sort of dramatics, but I would take off in my car knowing full well that I had a cell phone so she could call me and "find" me.  There were times she would come out and try to talk to me or stop me or whatever, but in my mind I think I was still holding on to how she never came looking for me that one time.  So to me it was "too little, too late, lady!"

(Man, I'm glad the Lord has changed me because looking back at how I used to behave makes me want to jump into a time machine to go back and beat young, ridiculous self up. lol)

Anyway, reading this post makes me feel a little better about my past feelings... however ridiculous they were.  I guess I wasn't the only one who was looking to be found.  Everyone wants to be found, to be important, relevant, missed.

The great thing, though, is I can now look back and know that I was never alone.   God was with me through the whole thing.  He was waiting for me to get found.... by Him. 

Thank you, Lord.  There is no one like You.

But waaaaaaait!

They called for my release date today.  As in my release day to go to my new position.   Normally, that would be just fine, but that means that because I am going to be off the week after next that I only have all of next week to tie up loose ends, pack my things, and say goodbye to these people.  

It's. Not. Enough. Time.    Aaaaaa!

I'm not ready!

Man, this is so bittersweet.   I'm exciting for my new gig, but it's going to hurt so much to say goodbye to many people.  People I have grown to love.  People who I spend most of my week with.  People who have prayed for me, rooted for me, encouraged me, believed in me.  Good people... who far outnumbered the bad.   And one very special person who I hope grows to become a very important part of my life...
*tear*

Well, I guess all I can say is, "here we go!"

RIP Baby Girl...

There is so much hoopla going on right now in anticipation of the 10-year anniversary of 9/11. There is another 10-year anniversary that I know rocked my world. 10 years ago today, the singer/budding actress Aaliyah passed away in a plane crash.

Just like 9/11, I can remember exactly where I was when I found out that pretty much my favorite R&B singer of the time was dead. My friend Suzy and I were waiting to be called for a table at the Hard Rock Cafe at Citywalk (pretty fitting actually) when I got a call from my sister, "Aaliyah is dead. She died in a plane crash."

WHAT?!

It was surreal at first. I went on with dinner and kind of didn't think too much about it. When I got home though, it really hit me. My sisters and I were really devastated. What didn't help was the following couple of days working at the Tollgate at Six Flags. EVERY SINGLE car that pulled up to pay for parking was bumping some radio stations all-day tribute to Aaliyah. I literally had to go home early one day because I couldn't take it. That's how much I loved her.

Looking back, it's still so sad. She was really on the rise and she was so talented. Who knows what would have become of her if she would have lived. Just like Selena and others gone before their times, we'll never know. The great thing is that she left behind some great music: Four Page Letter, Are You that Somebody, One in a Million, etc.

Aw. Sad day. =( RIP "Baby Girl"

What goes up...

... must come down, as they say.

Everything has been going great. I'm on track to be in my very own first home soon. I've gone on some decent interviews. I'm now down a total of 22 lbs. Etc., etc., etc.

But now--today--I feel like it could all implode.

Well, first let me add one more seemingly good thing to the list: I met a nice guy in Vegas over the weekend.

So nice, he hiked all the way from the Luxor to my hotel, Ceaser's Palace, at 2:30 in the morning just to hang out with me... no funny business. Do you know how far that is? (Google it. Its far. ) He was nothing but a gentleman. A tall, handsome PE teacher, likes kids gentleman who seemed to like me, of all people. He was too good to be true.

So now I'm back to reality.

What happens in my reality? You get word that you weren't chosen for the position you REALLY wanted. Rejection. You don't hear from the guy you REALLY wanted a chance to get to know. Rejection.

(Please don't let the house be next, Lord.)

Now, even though I'm trying very hard not to be, I'm slipping into a funk. What am I doing wrong? No, what am I doing right? That way I can continue doing it and make this disappointing feeling go away.

Lord, I know I need to keep focusing my attention on You. You're all that matters. Help me...

Things were going so well...

Harsh (but necessary) consequences for dumb decisions...

My old High School is in the news. Apparently, the whole coaching staff for the John Burroughs High School (Burbank, CA) Baseball Progam have been fired, all because of one assistant coach who thought it would be okay to serve alcohol to his players. Way to go genius.

You can read the story here.

I'm proud of my former Spanish teacher and now-Principal, Mr. Urioste, for making the I'm sure very hard decision to fire these coaches and punish the students involved--both those who drank and those who didn't. This is serious and the best way to prevent things like this from happening again is to have serious consequences for all people involved (although, I would personally have excluded the head coach since he was not on the trip with the team when this happened).

This world takes away consequences for everything and then is shocked when people do inappropriate things. Consequences to actions are what keep us from doing them, or at least make us seriously consider whether we should, and when innocent people go down with the bad ones, it teaches people that not standing up and trying to intervene is also not right.

It's sad that they lost their whole season, but see if they do this again...

Lost Cause... the Update

Forgot to tell you, blog, that my sister and brother-in-law--adding insult to injury--uninvited my other sister and me to the baby shower that WE were throwing for her, but proceeded to still make sure all of MY friends are coming. Nice.

We are Christians at the end of the day, so I won't be spiteful. I have not asked any of MY friends not to go. Despite how angry my sister makes me, I won't sabatoge her baby shower. I do want good things for my niece and nephew.

This whole baby shower thing does reinforce to me, though, that we need to stay away from my sister and her husband for awhile. Basically, she needs to see that "you don't know what you have til it's gone." I'm just sad that she's the one who will have to look back on this and remember how she didn't have her sisters with her while she was celebrating such an important moment in life...

Gotta keep praying for her....

Lost cause?

So my family is divided right now. I probably shouldn't even be writing about this, but I need to vent somewhere and I'm pretty sure no one I know will see this so whatever.... The Devil is doing his worst at this moment and he's sure good at it, but we won't be defeated. Anyway, we pretty much aren't speaking to my sister and brother-in-law and this time it may be for a long period of time (or maybe until she gives birth... we'll see). We love them and want the best for them, but we are TIRED of their self-inflicted drama and the way it constantly spills over into our lives. There is only so much you can take. My sister and brother-in-law have one of the most toxic relationships I've ever seen. They are like bleach and ammonia. You don't mix them without creating poison. I'm sorry to even admit this, but I have literally told people that they are a match made in Hell. If they are not at each other' s throats (to the point of physical abuse at times) they are banding together against someone else with a taste for blood. They feed off each other's negativity. They enable each other. They blame EVERYONE but themselves... A couple of days ago was the last straw. Some drama went down with my niece witnessing everything, and my brother-in-law called us and dragged us into it. I had already warned my sister that if something else abusive happened that I was going to let his family know about it and in the heat of their fight she told me to go ahead and "put him on blast," meaning tell his family. His family has been living in la-la land for their ENTIRE relationship, never knowing about any of the crap they have put us and themselves through. We have had enough with having to deal with this alone and being completely disrespected as a family. It was their turn. So put both of them "on blast" (since they are BOTH at fault here) and we let his family know what was happening--so they would be aware and also so that his parents could go get the baby out of harms way. What happened? They didn't want to get involved and basically accused us of meddling. (Side note: I won't get into what was said, but they are officially on our bad sides as well. Maybe if they LISTENED to what we were telling them, they would have heard that WE are the ones getting DRAGGED into messes we want nothing to do with--aside from wanting to protect the child and the child that is about to arrive.) Then my sister and her brother-in-law informed us that they were going to get help the following day. We were forced to tell them that his parents are aware of the situation at that point. That's when my other sister gets this message: "Thanks for f***ing up my life." Um........................ Wow. So WE are screwing up YOUR life? No you? Not your husband? Us. The people you have dragged into this for the last 10 years. We are doing it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And that was our breaking point. I love my sister. Truly I do, but I'm not surprised that everything is everyone else's fault and that she is the victim here. She's always been this way. Ever since we were little, but now she has married another victim for reinforcement. Yeah. You're the victims. The victims of yourself. So, we're to the point where we are ready to step to the side so that they have no one to blame but themselves when these problems persist even when we are not in the picture. I PRAY that the Lord does something with them already. There is no where else to turn. Only HE can fix this. Only HE can break them down to nothing. For now, we are going to protect ourselves from the toxic fumes of their relationship and hopefully they will see when they don't have us to pick up the pieces just how much it is NOT our fault. God, in the meantime, please protect my niece and the nephew that will be here soon. They don't deserve this...

God is my lifeline...

A couple days ago we found out that the step father of a long-time friend of my sisters and I committed suicide. I don't know the details yet, but I do know this: He has two young daughters under the age of 14 who he abandoned and gave up on.

For that I am angry and resentful, and I'm not those two girls.

When my friend was young her dad abandoned her and her little brother (not by suicide, but by walking out on them and being almost completely absent). Their mother is already a little unstable, so when their dad left, she sort of lost it. They grew up to have some issues as a result, but luckily have turned out ok.

Well, now, in a way, history has repeated itself. My friends mom remarried some time after the first marriage ended and ended up having two babies with her current husband. They are now two young children (about the same ages as my friend and her brother were when their dad left) who's father has given up on them and exited their lives. This time, though, it's in the worst way someone can abandon you.

Suicide is nothing but pure selfishness. You get to leave the difficult, unbearable situation and leave everyone else behind you to deal with the aftermath. From the little I know, this guy had financial issues and has threatened suicide in the past with the idea that his family would be taken care of through insurance money.

I'm sorry!! I would rather have my father and be dirt poor, than lose him, but still have a huge house and all the trappings of life. Not a good trade-off.

Anyway, these are the times that I'm reminded just how important it is to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. It is through him that we have access to God himself. In our sin we are completely cutoff from God. Our sin is just like the veil in the Holy of Holies--it separates us from direct access to God. Jesus, in his death, tore that veil and when we believe in him and claim him for who he is--the Son of God and the only Way to God (John 14:16)--he removes that barrier and we have a direct line to the Big Man himself.

I used to struggle with the sin of Depression and there were times where I no longer wanted to live, but because of my direct line to God through the Holy Spirit, there was always that inner voice/movement that kept me from ever considering taking my own life. Even when you are a believer who is not walking with the Lord, like I wasn't, you still have even the tiniest little thread connecting you to God in the Holy Spirit that is always there... even when you are trying to ignore him. =)

When you don't have a relationship with Jesus, you do not have that line to God. He does not intervene. He doesn't tap into the Holy Spirit within you because there is no Holy Spirit within you. You have no connection to the source of life and therefore living is not important to you.

(Does this mean that every person who committs suicide doesn't have a relationship with Christ? No, but I do believe that it's a big indication that a person probably doesn't or has allowed the Devil to convince them with his lies.)

I hope that before this man died he was able to reconcile himself to the Lord. We won't know in this world.

In the meantime, my prayers and thoughts go out to these two little girls specifically. The odds are now stacked even higher against them. This world takes fatherless girls and boys and eats them alive....


Lord, please reach your might hands down and envelope these little girls with your love and peace. Help them to forgive their father for failing them. Give them the peace that only you can bring. Use this situation, as horrible as it is, to open up a door and pathway to you, Lord. In everything we rejoice because all works together for good and Your purpose. Thank you, Jesus! Amen!

The Miley syndrome...

Parents these days. They should just call them "Those Older Friends I Live With." It seems that so many people in this world are way too worried about their kids liking them and thinking they are "cool" that they forget their duties to protect their children by saying no to things that are harmful to them, even at the risk of their children being "mad" at them. Then they can't understand why their kids don't respect them. Your kids don't respect their other friends, so why should they respect you?

Miley Cyrus is an example of the consequences of being your child's buddy. She has gotten into a lot of trouble lately. First she was posing semi-nude before the age of 18. Now she's been photographed getting high. People want to blame Disney or "the man" or whoever, but I blame the parents.

Guess what! For once, so do the parents. Miley's father, Billy Ray Cyrus, said this in a recent GQ Magazine interview:

"How many interviews did I give and say, 'You know what's important between me and Miley is I try to be a friend to my kids'? I said it a lot. And sometimes I would even read other parents might say, 'You don't need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.' Well, I'm the first guy to say to them right now: You were right. I should have been a better parent. I should have said, 'Enough is enough--it's getting dangerous and somebody's going to get hurt.' I should have, but I didn't. Honestly, I didn't know the ball was out of bounds until it was way up in the stands somewhere."

I'm glad Billy Ray was able to open up his eyes to the truth that at the end of the day, HE is responsible for the way his kids turn out. It's unfortunate that it's too little too late for his daughter and for his marriage... for his family.

But then again, it's NOT too late. With God, it's never too late. He can redeem and restore anything. I pray that Billy Ray will open his heart to the Lord and get on his knees and cry out to the Great Healer right now. Nothing is irreparable with God. NOTHING.

Losing...

Losing: The Bad

My mom called me this morning with the news we didn't want to hear. My dad did not get back to the doctor in time and his retina has completely detached. He is now permanently blind in one eye.

It's very saddening news, but we are choosing to "rejoice in the Lord always," as we are commanded to do. I hate that my dad is alone right now, but at least he gets to come home today and we are going to shower him with love and support.

This is not the end of the world. Plenty of people live with sight in only one eye and do just fine. My dad is a survivor anyway. This is just another piece of his testimony and the Lord will use this for his good. Amen!

I found came across these passage and they spoke to my heart:

The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be a blessing. Psalm 37:23-26

the LORD gives sight to the blind, the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down, the LORD loves the righteous. Psalm 146:7-9

Losing: The Good

In good news, I decided to way myself a little ahead of my Sunday weigh-in and I've already lost 3 lbs. So exciting! If I were to keep this up, I would be down the full target of 30 lbs in 10 weeks. Awesome! =)

Mean is....

Your entire family going to Disneyland and not even inviting you.

Wow.

Kind of drives home all the feelings I had on Christmas day of feeling like an outsider in my own family. lol.

Kind of feels like this. Hahaha!!!

"What the h*** am I fighting for?"

This is sickening. Just over 10 years ago, I was a teenager. That's not long ago. Let me tell you, even when I wasn't exactly walking with the Lord, if someone called me out because I was being disrespectiful, I would have felt ashamed of myself. Not these kids nowadays. Now these animals just jump you...

More like "Regressives..."

Is it me or is this scenario true?

Hard working, self-made, traditional-values, God-loving conservatives create and build things up to be successful for themselves and others and then ridiculous, spread-the-wealth, values-lacking liberals/communists/socialists take those things over and ruin them.

America. Built by great men, with relatively conservative values, who were hard-working people. Slowly being taken over by “progressives” who want to get rid of the principles the country was founded upon (a free market system, honoring God, low taxes, etc.)

American Universities. Many started by religious institutions. Now over-run by the anti-God/pro-evolution crowd.

Unions. Unions were created for good reason by honest, hard-working people. They gave poorly-treated workers/women/children better working conditions (reasonable pay and reasonable work hours, among other benefits). Nowadays, unions are completely run by raging liberals who are beyond corrupt and only care about getting politicians in their pockets. Their agenda focuses more on increasing "benefits" for their members instead of creating a work enviroment that is productive and beneficial to employee AND employer.

The Movie Industy. Created and once run by conservative, America-loving moguls who believed in quality over “freedom of expression.” Movies were once masterpieces, now they empty nonsense made by liberals and consisting of one-sided political messages or soft-core porn and crassness… all targeted toward our children.

Somebody, please tell me what leftists have taken and made better instead of worse?