Answers...

I wish I could say that I always get answers to my questions, but this is reality.  Sometimes we don't get to know.  Then sometimes we get answers, but they aren't exactly the answers we wanted. 

Today I got an answer.  It wasn't something I would have wanted, but it was necessary...

Let me backtrack.  As I mentioned in my first post of the year, things went in a not-so-good direction with the special person in my life.  It's been about a month since we last communicated and I was doing well with not being upset and letting it get to me.  I was trying to move on and focus on what matters... God's plan for my life. 

I shared what was going on with people around me and started getting the same reaction from a few people:  "He's going to realize the mistake he's made and come back."   To me that sounded far-fetched, but then again,  I believe in a God who can do things like that.  So I guess I started allowing myself to hope because afterall, "hope comes from the Lord."  There is nothing really wrong with hoping, but the problem is that for me to hope opens the door for me to become consumed with something that may not even happen. 

On top of this smidgen of hope, I've also felt that the Lord is calling me to pray for this man.  There have even been times where I tried to "forget" to pray for him and then the Lord sort of says, "hey... you forgot someone."  I don't mind praying for my "friend," but it's hard to forget someone when you have to think of him at least once a day in prayer. 

Anyway, all this to say that I've had a hard time letting go and moving on because this guy is in my thoughts, and even my dreams, all the time.

Well, this morning, I broke down and asked the Lord to help me move on.  Whether or not this man will ever be a part of my life, right now, in this moment of my life, I need to forget him and move on.  I cried out to God to help me to forget and move on, even if I'm still called to pray for him.

God was listening.

A few hours later, I'm at my desk and my friend (who happens to sit in the cubicle right next to him) texts me to see how I'm doing.  I confess to her that I've had Mr. Man on my mind constantly and its been driving me crazy.  She first started telling me that she doesn't like him anymore and that he was wrong for not being genuine with me after I laid out all my feelings.  I knew she was going somewhere with this and asked her to tell me what's up.  That's when she told me that he announced at work that he had gone on a date Saturday night.

Wham!  How's that for a reason to move on and let go?  lol.

It stung, but by God's grace it didn't devastate me.   I told her that he has every right to date and that I was glad she told me.  She, like a good friend, reinforced how disappointed in him she is.  I appreciated it, but I told her that I still am not angry with him.  (For the record, despite those baby hopes that someday God would fix everything and we would be together [which He could still do if He wanted to], I truly forgave him a while ago and have wanted at the very least to reconcile our friendship.) 

I left it alone, but then something dawned on me at lunch.  I had asked God this very morning to help me move on and through that text conversation with my dear friend, He answered my prayers.  He is showing me that I do indeed need to move on. 

So now not only have I had the clear and straighforward messages from God that I need to trust Him and wait on Him, but He has also made it clear that I need to move on and move forward.

I hear you, Lord.  You are coming in loud and clear.  I am listening.  Please help me now to obey...

As for my friend, Lord, be with him.  Keep Your hands on him and continue to bless him.  Draw him close to You and fix his eyes upon You.  Reveal your plan for him and show him that You are all that matters.  Lord, convict his heart of those things that hinder his relationship with You.  Refine both of us.  Sift us Lord.  Make us both better in you. 

You know why this has happened the way it has and I trust that You will never do anything to harm me.  Everything You allow to happen is for our good and Your glory.  Thank you, Lord.   "You give and take away... my heart will choose to say, 'Lord, Blessed be Your Name.'"