Now I'm found...

Darn you, Jon Acuff.  It's like you know everything about me.  lol.    His latest SCL post hit home for me.  Especially this part:

I don’t care if you’re Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Mormon, Atheist or Agnostic. I think deep down inside, we all want to be found. We all want someone to come looking for us. We want people to be glad when they are with us. As Radiohead once said, “I want you to notice when I’m not around.”


That’s how I was in college. I was really insecure and was dating a girl that didn’t seem that concerned if I was around. So when we went to parties, I would get a little drunk and then hide. By “hide,” I really wish I meant “go outside and sit on a curb forlornly like a singer/songwriter waiting for inspiration.”

Alas, that is not what I meant. I used to go hide in closets. I would stand there in the dark of the closet, awkwardly shoved amidst coasts and shoes waiting for her to look for me. Wanting, more than anything those stupid nights, for her to notice I was missing. For her to come find me. For me to be found.

That was so me and admittedly, on a bad day, it might still be me some times.  The first memory I have of feeling this way and being sorely disappointed was when I was around six years old.  For some reason I became upset with my mom and I told her I was going to run away.  I took off down the street and ended up down at the pool (we lived in a gated community) on a bench.  I sat there and watched the street hoping to see my mom come frantically running down it, worried to death about me. 

She never came. 

I think that hurt more than anything.  My own mom didn't want to find me.   (She later told me that she saw where I ran off to and wasn't worried.  Thanks, Mom.  lol)

When I got older I would pull the same sort of dramatics, but I would take off in my car knowing full well that I had a cell phone so she could call me and "find" me.  There were times she would come out and try to talk to me or stop me or whatever, but in my mind I think I was still holding on to how she never came looking for me that one time.  So to me it was "too little, too late, lady!"

(Man, I'm glad the Lord has changed me because looking back at how I used to behave makes me want to jump into a time machine to go back and beat young, ridiculous self up. lol)

Anyway, reading this post makes me feel a little better about my past feelings... however ridiculous they were.  I guess I wasn't the only one who was looking to be found.  Everyone wants to be found, to be important, relevant, missed.

The great thing, though, is I can now look back and know that I was never alone.   God was with me through the whole thing.  He was waiting for me to get found.... by Him. 

Thank you, Lord.  There is no one like You.

More than enough...

I have had that song "Enough" by Chris Tomlin stuck in my head today.   I just now stopped and thought about what I've been murmuring/singing to myself all day:

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

Why is it so hard for me to actually live these words and mean them?   I want to--I really do.   I try and some days I'm actually successful in feeling totally at peace and satisfied and like God is sufficient.   But a lot of days I do not feel this.  I hate it.  I wish I could just tell God, "I trust you wholly and completely from this day forward because you ARE enough to satisfy my EVERY need," and SHAZAAM, full trust in the Lord... no doubts, no fears, no anxiety.   Complete peace.

But no.  I keep hoping for that earthly relationship.   Keep hoping for that "something" that will make me feel that much better about myself and life.   But for what?  It's only to satisfy what I think other people around me are expecting of me. 

It's stupid.   God is enough.   If I die tomorrow I will have had a full, complete, and fulfilled life solely because I knew Jesus.

Accept it, self.   Believe it.   Be at peace.

Dear18Me

Through Bryan Alain's site I found Dear18Me.   So good.  If only we could all go back and give our 18-year-old selves some solid advice (or maybe just some slaps in the face... lol).  Unfortunately, would any of us even have listened?  Probably not.  I can tell you I wouldn't.  I think every 18-year-old on the planet has their head stuck in their butt and thinks they know EVERYTHING because they are "an adult now" (hey, in England they can even drink).   Guess what 18-year-olds... you are SO not even close to being adults yet.

There is a lot 30-year-old me would say to my 18-year-old self, but if I could only say one thing it would be this:

Dear 18-year-old Me:

I'm not telling you anything about your future, because everything you are about to go through is completely necessary and I wouldn't want to change any of it.   Some of it's gonna be pretty cool, but most of it is going to be ROUGH... really rough... but you are going to get through it because even when you don't feel like it's the truth and you feel like you are going through this thing called life completely alone, God is with you and you are stronger with him than without him.  It's gonna be okay.  Hang in there...

RIP Baby Girl...

There is so much hoopla going on right now in anticipation of the 10-year anniversary of 9/11. There is another 10-year anniversary that I know rocked my world. 10 years ago today, the singer/budding actress Aaliyah passed away in a plane crash.

Just like 9/11, I can remember exactly where I was when I found out that pretty much my favorite R&B singer of the time was dead. My friend Suzy and I were waiting to be called for a table at the Hard Rock Cafe at Citywalk (pretty fitting actually) when I got a call from my sister, "Aaliyah is dead. She died in a plane crash."

WHAT?!

It was surreal at first. I went on with dinner and kind of didn't think too much about it. When I got home though, it really hit me. My sisters and I were really devastated. What didn't help was the following couple of days working at the Tollgate at Six Flags. EVERY SINGLE car that pulled up to pay for parking was bumping some radio stations all-day tribute to Aaliyah. I literally had to go home early one day because I couldn't take it. That's how much I loved her.

Looking back, it's still so sad. She was really on the rise and she was so talented. Who knows what would have become of her if she would have lived. Just like Selena and others gone before their times, we'll never know. The great thing is that she left behind some great music: Four Page Letter, Are You that Somebody, One in a Million, etc.

Aw. Sad day. =( RIP "Baby Girl"

Shipwrecks...

Had to share this blog post from Stuff Christian's Like.... The video he shares is strangely profound.  Raw, but touching.  Yeah....  Have a look.

Harsh (but necessary) consequences for dumb decisions...

My old High School is in the news. Apparently, the whole coaching staff for the John Burroughs High School (Burbank, CA) Baseball Progam have been fired, all because of one assistant coach who thought it would be okay to serve alcohol to his players. Way to go genius.

You can read the story here.

I'm proud of my former Spanish teacher and now-Principal, Mr. Urioste, for making the I'm sure very hard decision to fire these coaches and punish the students involved--both those who drank and those who didn't. This is serious and the best way to prevent things like this from happening again is to have serious consequences for all people involved (although, I would personally have excluded the head coach since he was not on the trip with the team when this happened).

This world takes away consequences for everything and then is shocked when people do inappropriate things. Consequences to actions are what keep us from doing them, or at least make us seriously consider whether we should, and when innocent people go down with the bad ones, it teaches people that not standing up and trying to intervene is also not right.

It's sad that they lost their whole season, but see if they do this again...

Instincts... You have them for a reason!

So I started taking morning walks at Hansen Dam, which is near my house. I usually park in a parking lot a little further from the dam because the one at the entrance to the dam is always full. Yeah, I won't be doing that anymore.

Saturday, I parked my car and took my walk, as usual. As I was heading back to my car, I spotted a man about 50 yards ahead of me sitting on some rocks near the parking lot. Immediatley my instincts told me to be leary of this man. As I got nearer to that area, I started going around to the side of where he was to get to my car. That was when he stood up and swiftly walked toward me.

My heart started racing.

I then abruptly stopped when he was only about 4 feet from me. I was not even going to try passing him because all I could imagine was him coming up behind me and grabbing me. When I stopped he stopped and I could tell that he could sense my defensiveness. It was pretty obvious because I stood cold in my tracks and looked (not-so-nicely) right at him. That's when he said, "Did you finish your walk?"

Um, who the heck are you, talking to me like you know me? Ew.

I said, kind of curtly, "Yeah, can I help you?"

My heart was pounding at this point, but I was not going to let this guy think I was vulnerable--this man who sure had some b***s trying to pull something in broad daylight!

He got the picture and kept walking. As soon as I knew I was out of his reach, I walked quickly to my car. That was when I noticed two men in a parked car looking at us. I'm glad to know that even if that guy did try something, there were witnesses and they would hopefully have come to my rescue.

(Thank you, Lord, for always protecting me!)

If you are a girl, or you have girls, there is an important message here: ALWAYS GO WITH YOUR INSTINCTS. Don't worry about being rude or hurting anyone's feelings. Your gut doesn't lie. Maybe that guy didn't intend to do anything but strike up a conversation with me (I highly doubt it). I don't really care. It didn't FEEL like those were his intentions and my gut told me that from 50 yards away.

Girls, you are BETTER OFF SAFE THAN SORRY! As for me, I am now carrying a small can of pepper spray on my keychain because, apparently, the freaks don't just come out at night...

Memories of Magic Mountain...

I don't write about it much, but during the end of my teens and for the first third of my twenties I worked at Six Flags Magic Mountain (and for one season in between at Hurricane Harbor). Many of my still-good friends and my adopted sister, Sandy, worked with me there. That place definitely was the backdrop of much of my "fun times," and what I mean by that was that I got into a lot of trouble and made a lot of dumb, young-person mistakes during that time. =)


Oh the stories I could tell. Oh the memories: Meeting Xander from Buffy the Vampire Slayer at the Main Gate toll booth. Hooking the singer, Brandy, up with a free ticket for a special event. Almost getting fired for not calling the ambulance for a little girl with a seizure at the Harbor (I didn't know I was supposed to!). Being in my first (and only) love triangle with Stage Tech and a Float Driver. Decorating the park for Halloween and helping build a maze ("I told you guys I'm not THAT girly!"). And so many more...


Anyway, Vintage Disneyland Tickets obviously mostly displays old stuff from Disneyland, but it also has a few things on Magic Mountain that I thought I would share. Pretty interesting. This is awesome because it gives some history of the Santa Clarita Valley, which was then known as the Valencia Valley:

And here's a brochure from 1981, the year I was born:

Enjoy more here...

Still proud to be an American anyway...

I was just talking to a co-worker who immigrated here from an Asian country about how great this country is, how free it is, and how people are still literally dying to get here, despite all the supposed evil that people want to say we have perpetrated on the world.

He agreed wholeheartedly.

There is no greater country still than the United States of America and I thank God that I was born here!

Well, then I find this at iOwnTheWorld.com, which is hilarious and, in light of our conversation, ironic:




Ay ay ay..... LMBO. Well, at least I don't live in Washington...or N. Dakota, Nebraska, Mississipi, Maine....

Happy New Year!

2011.

Here's to big changes and turning 30! Yay!

(That's me, trying to be positive when I really want to panic... lol)

God bless!

P.S. Wow. Last year was a record blogging year for me. Let's see if I can break that record... hopefully it will be more good stuff than bad/sad. =)

I know exactly....

I stumbled across this blog post. It's like this guy is talking about me. It IS the truth about being a socially awkward Christian (or just person for that matter)...

Here's a blurb:

They say the Christian life isn’t meant to be done alone. We need community to survive. I believe this is true. But, for people like me, the thing that’s supposed to keep you alive causes you so much pain and anxiety. It’s like drinking water that tastes and smells like gasoline. You know you need it to live, but drinking it can be vomit-inducing. I get jealous of people that others naturally gravitate toward. My friend, Danny, is like this. People naturally like him; and he’s just naturally good with people. I watch him when he’s dealing with the people in our church and I’m amazed. He might as well be wearing a cape and a big “S” on his chest. It’s unbelieveable to me. How is he that comfortable with people? How are people that attracted to him and others like him? It’s strange. We have even discussed the dichotomy of how people react to him and to me. He can make a certain joke and people will think it’s
hilarious. I could make the same exact joke and people will think I’m just creepy. It all goes back to the fact that I’m socially awkward and he’s not. I’m introverted, and he’s extroverted. These are just common personality types. Being one way is not better than the other way, it’s just the way we’re built. Sometimes, though, being introverted can feel less like a personality type and more like a disorder or a condition.

Planning ahead...

Parents tend to laugh at non-parents whenever they say anything starting with "My kids are never going to ____" or "I'm never going to let my kids ____." I get why. You will never understand something until you have experienced it. It's kind of like a skinny person telling a fat person that she needs to learn to love herself. Yeah, it's easy for you to say, hunny. You've never been larger than a size 2 and I'm sure you've never suffered for it.

I'm not a parent, but I plan to be one someday--operative word being PLAN. Yes, I know that everything will not happen exactly how I want it to. My kids won't behave exactly how I hope they will, but that doesn't mean that I can't plan to do things a certain way.

I do my research. I observe the kids around me and close to me. I read. I ask questions. I see what seems to work and what doesn't work at all. I want to be well-prepared. There are things that I hope my kids will never do and there are things that I will be doing my best not to let my kids do. I won't say the word "never" though, because I just don't know.

A few things I hope to do for my kids:

• Absolutely minimize the amount of TV and computer they are exposed to. I'm even considering only having a TV in my room so that they will not be allowed to use it for more than a couple hours at most. We'll see how my husband feels about that one. lol
• Give them responsibilities from a young age... I'm talking like 3 years old. I don't believe that any child is above maturation and responsibility.
• Teach them from home. Not only do I want them to be educated in the traditional sense, but I want God to be an important part of every lesson. Wait, I guess that IS in the traditional sense, since God was a part of our education way back when... =/
• Not fill up my house and their rooms with toys. I will even ask that any birthday or Christmas presents not be toys... or at least not always be toys. They take up valuable space and never get used. I want my kids to learn to be creative and to go outside and run around. I want them to appreciate everything.
• Limit the snacks and junk, if not remove them altogether. I look at my niece, who is 2 years old. She absolutely refuses to eat anything that is not in the shape of Dora the Explorer or a gold fish. No no.

There are other things, but these are the ones that come to mind. If it was up to me, I would take my kids back to the old school when kids didn't have cell phones, TVs, and the like. Back when kids had chores and work to do from an early age. Back when families knew each other and spent time together, contributing to their household together, and being proud of what they've built together.

For future reference....

I thought I'd post the link to Disney's brand new wedding blog, Ever After, because it's cool and because I may want to refer back to it in the future.... One day. We can only hope. =) Enjoy!

Oh and Happy December. My favorite month is here!

"Proverbs 31 Woman"

I so want to be a Proverbs 31 woman. She is the ideal type of woman to be (from Proverbs31Woman.com):

HER CHARACTER AS A WIFE

10An excellent wife, who can find?

For her worth is far above jewels.
11The heart of her husband trusts in her,

And he will have no lack of gain.
12She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life.

HER DEVOTION AS A HOMEMAKER

13She looks for wool and flax

And works with her hands in delight.
14She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar.
She rises also while it is still night

And gives food to her household

And portions to her maidens.
16She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17She girds herself with strength

And makes her arms strong.

18She senses that her gain is good;

Her lamp does not go out at night.

19She stretches out her hands to the distaff,

And her hands grasp the spindle.

[...]

21She is not afraid of the snow for her household,

For all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

23Her husband is known in the gates,When he sits among the elders of the land.

24She makes linen garments and sells them,

And supplies belts to the tradesmen

HER GENEROSITY AS A NEIGHBOR

20She extends her hand to the poor,

And she stretches out her hands to the needy.

HER INFLUENCE AS A TEACHER

25Strength and dignity are her clothing,

And she smiles at the future.

26She opens her mouth in wisdom,

And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

HER EFFECTIVENESS AS A MOTHER

27She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28Her children rise up and bless her;

Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

29"Many daughters have done nobly,

But you excel them all."

HER EXCELLANCE AS A PERSON

30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,

But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

31Give her the product of her hands,

And let her works praise her in the gates.

I will never be a perfect wife and mother, but I'm going to make it my mission to strive to be all of the above.

Lord, please help me in each of these areas... both now and when I am a wife and mom...

Chick-Flicks don't help...

I need to stop watching shows and movies laced with romance. I'm starting to live vicariously through people that aren't even REAL! All it does is make me feel sorry for myself. I literally want to break down and cry because I eventually start feeling an overwhelming sense of lonliness. *sigh*

I've been streaming the first season of Roswell on Netflix. Man! They sure got intense when it came to the love (or lust?) between the two lead characters, Liz and Max. There was one whole episode where they were literally making out in every scene.

I couldn't take my eyes off of it. LOL!

Do you know how long it's been since I've kissed a guy? Over 3 years! 3 LONG YEARS!!!

Watching this mess doesn't help me. I see these kids making out and I'm literally jealous. JEALOUS! Then the pity party begins.

Lord, help me.

"Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD." Proverbs 23:17

"Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 26:41

"Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual mmorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry." Colossians 3:5

I just want some creamer!! (Updated)

Okay, I took down the FB post. I know it was dumb. I was frustrated and upset.

I'm just tired of this. It's not just about coffee and creamer. I feel like their mommy who has to take care of everything. I'm no one's mom!!! (Well, not yet.) Grow up!

GROW UUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!

I just want some creamer!!

I get up EVERY DAY and EVERY DAY I make the coffee in this house. One time I didn't because there was no creamer. Next thing you know the roommate is leaving passive-aggressive Facebook posts about how she's having a bad day and "to top it off, the roommates drank all the coffee." Really? How about checking to see that it was never even turned on.

Well, now I've left my own passive-aggressive status update:

Kristina misses how her dad always had creamer available in exchange for me always making the coffee.

Yeah, we are out of creamer.... or should I say that I am out. I've bought creamer the last two times in a row and it's been sucked dry both times. I asked my sister to buy some yesterday and nothing. I even got attitude about it.

I wake up and there's nothing there but regular milk (I'm lactose intolerant!!) and a creamer way at the bottom of the fridge that the roomie bought... for herself and only herself.

These are the jewels that I live with. And they wonder why I'm already ready to move back to Pomona...

"Why NOT Having Sex Might be Good for You"

Great, great, GREAT article on abstinence from a young comedian, Steven Crowder. Here's an excerpt to whet your appetite:

Sure, Michelle Obama can run around the country and condemn little fatties for inhaling Little Debbies, but if you try and apply that same helpful, healthful concept to sex, it’s seen as pushy and/or prudish.

Listen, one doesn’t need to be religious (nor a rocket scientist) to see the value of abstinence. Let’s disregard the immediately eliminated risk of increasingly popular STD’ and STI’s. Heck, let’s even discount the statistical data showing that sexual exclusivity seems overwhelmingly conducive to a successful marriage .Abstinence also provides an incomparable bond of trust in a relationship.

Yes, I admit it, I’m in a long-term relationship and I’m abstinent. Scandalous, I know. It’s an incredibly difficult thing to do (mostly for me, because she’s way out of my league), and that’s what makes it so important.

I can tell you beyond any doubt, that my lady is able to control herself and stick to her values regardless of circumstance. Just as surely, she can say the same about me (Ben&Jerry’s benders notwithstanding). It is that display of self-control, that tangible example of living your principles through your life’s walk that ensures her that I won’t be jumping on the first well-proportioned opportunity that comes my way.

By the same token, I can rest easy knowing that my dame won’t be trying to bed Jersey Shore’s “The Situation” anytime soon. -- Though he does have great abs.

Strong trust is the result. Constantly we hear cries of women aimed at their supposedly overly jealous boyfriends, “What’s the matter? Don’t you trust me?”

No, he doesn’t. You slept with him on the first date and there is no reason for him to think that you wouldn’t do the same when a better offer comes along.

Full article here.

Annual 9/11 Rememberence

It doesn't get easier looking back at 9/11 and watching all the tributes and specials on TV every year, but it's necessary. I'll never stop pausing and remembering when that date roles around because I don't want to forget why we are so great and how there are radical people out there, Islamic or otherwise, that want to see us fail--that want to see this country destroyed.

I will never forget.

God bless this great country. God bless those who died that day. God bless those men and women that ran INTO the buildings at their own peril. God bless those people that gave their lives because they wouldn't allow a plane to make it to Washington DC. God bless the people who see fit to make it their mission that something like this never happens to us again.

God HELP our President to see that we are NOT the bad guys...

The Drive-in isn't dead...

I just read this great column on Brietbart.com where the auther relives his times at the Drive-in. It's so sad that most of the Drive-ins in Southern California are dead and gone. We used to go every weekend when I was a kid. If it wasn't the Van Nuys theater, it was the Winnetka. EVERY weekend during the summer.

THANKFULLY, some do still exist. We regularly go to the Mission Tiki Drive-in in Pomona. If you are nearby, check it out. $7 gets you a double-feature and the movies are new releases.

Anyway, we did (and do) things a little differently than others. Back in the days, we usually brought my dad's truck and loaded up with blankets. There would be 5 or 6 of us kids (my sisters and I, plus neighborhood friends) laying in the back of the truck and a couple in the front seat with Dad. Yes, we drove to the movies that way. Dangerous right? We loved it. We would make a game of trying to stay as flat as possible while trying to make sure the blankets didn't fly away.

I remember watching La Bamba and mom crying when he sang "Oh Donna," because her name is Donna. lol. I remember watching Jurrasic Park and telling my little cousin George to wake up because they were about to pass Barney on the screen. I remember watching Hocus Pocus and getting in trouble because my friend dared me to flip my sister off and I did. (Tattle-tell! lol) I remember watching The Lion King and getting angry because right when they started singing "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" the train decided to come by and last through the whole song so we couldn't hear any of it. (Is it me, or is/was every drive-in near a train track?)

Ah. Fun times! So many memories!

Now, we fill up the trunk with a ba-zillion old and new blankets and plenty of pillows. The old ones are used to make a mattress-like padding that is laid over the gravel. The new blankets we use to cover ourselves and stay warm. We lay out in the cool night air and enjoy our movie and we love it. You can talk, laugh, pass snacks around, and never bother anyone. You can't beat it.

I hope the Drive-in never completely dies because it will kill me if my kids never get to experience it...


Here's an excerpt from Mr. Nolte's ode to his drive-in days:

The price of admission wasn’t five dollars per person, it was five dollars per carload, and that admission wasn’t for one movie, it was for two and sometimes three. We would always arrive early so there would be no competition for a parking slot that no small amount of experimenting had proven to be the very best: a spot just off center but built a little higher than the others where the front wheels sat. As hours of movie-watching passed, this small advantage proved easier on the neck.

To avoid the cost of concessions there was the Styrofoam cooler, always packed with a beer or two for him, a wine cooler or two for her, and hot dogs wrapped in tinfoil that we would warm up between shows on the Riv’s mighty engine block.

In the dusk, children would take advantage of the broken-down playground that sat directly in front of the giant screen, and the sounds of their pleasure would then blend with the even sweeter sounds of tires crunching gravel, car doors slamming, and far-off adult voices and laughter all set to the tinny music that played through those deceptively heavy speakers before the show began. The sounds were timeless, and if you closed your eyes and took a moment, you could transport yourself back to when your parents were young. For all the many wonders available for only five-dollars a carload just off of Highway 145, the Starlight Drive-In was also a perfectly-kept time capsule of the year of its construction.

Before it got dark enough to justify doing so, the projectionist would always stubbornly start the first feature anyway, usually a second-run film. Still, we would all honk our horns and flash our headlights to mark the occasion. And what an occasion Hollywood delivered.

Read full article...