Thank-fully...

Things are good and there is so much to be thankful for.  I'm thankful that in less than a week I get to eat some turkey and other good stuff.  lol.

Things have made such a turnaround in the last couple of weeks in so many way.  I've gotten to see first-hand what God can do if you just let Him handle things.  He puts everything in the most perfect order and things happen in an even better way than you could have imagined them happening.   This is the beginning of a whole new trust and belief in the Lord... a deeper trust and belief.  I know He is real and is really working things out for me in a way that is the most beneficial for me and those around me.

I won't get into details on what exactly is happening with my love life (for now).  I'll share when I feel the time is right.   I can say, however, that I'm seeing God moving in my sister's and brother-in-law's lives.  I've been going to church with them every weekend.  And speaking of church, my goddaughter has been coming too, which is a miracle.  I've been praying for her mom to know the Lord.  Then out of know where, her mom approached me about taking her child to church with me and has even mentioned coming along one of these days.  Talk about the Lord opening a door.  It's so incredible!

You are amazing, Lord.  There is none like You.  =)

I think this is going to be the best Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years (hey and maybe even Valentine's Day *wink wink*) I've ever had. 

=D

Lord, I'm the most thankful for You and my salvation.  YOU are the gift that keeps on giving.

Quinn's gift and a little Easter reflection...

Quinn's letters are finished and they are A-MAZING!!! I am beyond happy with them. I literally told my friend Cindy that she disgusts me... in a good way. lol.

Wow. Talk about talent. If you want to order your own customized letters, please feel free to contact her at CCOLLIS81@YAHOO.COM or you can find her on Facebook by doing a search for "Sweet Peas and Butter Beans." You won't be sorry, as you can see from the picture above. =)

The baby shower is this weekend. It's sad that we won't be there, but I hope our gift is received with love. I do love my sister and I love my niece and nephew and I want all of God's blessings poured out on them.

I may not always feel my sister deserves any blessings because of the way she behaves, but do any of us? We all act ridiculous... whether publicly or privately. We ALL need forgiveness and redemption, which is why we celebrate Easter...

Yesterday was Easter and I didn't do much celebrating in the way of dinner or egg hunts or anything like that, but I did help my sister Katie out with donut service at her church. It was quite a job! Shepherd of the Hills is basically classified as a Megachurch and there was definitely a mega-crowd. Donut duty for a crowd that size requires a large team of people. We sure had our work cut out for us, but it was all in service of the Lord and I'm glad I did it.

After church, I was beat and so I went back to the house. Just as I predicted, Passion of the Christ was on TV (no, seriously, I just KNEW it would be on... lol). So I sat down to watch. In the middle of watching the scene where Jesus is being flogged, I began to really reflect on what the Lord went through on my behalf. I was so moved by the Holy Spirit that I broke down in violent sobs. The seriousness of what happened hit me like a semi truck. I won't get into the details of what happened, because that's between God and me, but I will say something changed.

Something has changed.

Lord, thank You for what You did. It should have been my flesh that was ripped apart. It should have been my scalp that bled. It should have been my body that was spit upon. It should have been my hands and feet that were pierced. I deserved it, not You. I put You on that cross. Forgive me Lord!! Forgive my foolishness....

Psalm 51

1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge. 5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. 6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 9 hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you. 14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, you who are God my Savior, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. 15 Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. 17 My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

18 May it please you to prosper Zion, to build up the walls of Jerusalem. 19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous, in burnt offerings offered whole; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Reason to celebrate on the worst holiday ever...

I hate V.D. No I'm not talking about THAT V.D., although that's pretty bad too. I'm talking about Valentine's Day. I hate it for the obvious reasons, which I have no problem admitting. =)

Well, I'm not going to worry about it today. I have good things to share:

1. I've been offered a promotion at work. It is only one level above what I'm at now and not much of a pay increase, but the exposure I will have is priceless. It will look very nice on my resume if and when I head out to Texas.

2. I just completed week 3 of Weight Watchers yesterday and I'm down 8 lbs. Not bad. I look like I've lost 15 though... I'm getting compliments left and right. It's probably because I've been adding some daily walking into the routine. I feel really good right now and everything is fitting me loosely.

I put on a dress this morning that I've never had the nerve to wear (which I am wearing at work right now BTW). I took the below picture of it and posted it on Facebook with the caption, "Take that Valentine's Day!" The response I got was amazing.




I love you, Weight Watchers. =)

Yeah, really not the worst Valentine's I've ever had....

Happy New Year!

2011.

Here's to big changes and turning 30! Yay!

(That's me, trying to be positive when I really want to panic... lol)

God bless!

P.S. Wow. Last year was a record blogging year for me. Let's see if I can break that record... hopefully it will be more good stuff than bad/sad. =)

Best Christmas. Worst Christmas.

The enemy attacks at the most opportune times, doesn’t he…

Christmas Eve I went to Disneyland with my co-worker (and dear friend) Connie and her 3 younger kids. She is a single Mom of 5 and to say she struggles is an understatement. She LOVES the Lord and is a picture of true trust and reliance upon Him. She is one of my heroes and a big example to me.

This year, I decided to do something special for her, so I paid for her three young ones to go to Disneyland. She would not have been able to take all of them together as a family without that help. (She literally wasn’t even able to afford a Christmas tree and more than one Christmas gift for the kids this year.)

I was happy to do it.

We had a GREAT time. We really did. These kids were pretty well-behaved and were very humble--it was nothing like my last visit to Disneyland with my goddaughter. Lol. They truly had a fun time and they totally deserved it.

I left Disneyland on a total high from not just the fun day, but the satisfaction of knowing that I helped bless a deserving family. It was truly going to be a great Christmas.

Or not.

The next morning, Christmas morning, I got up, got dressed, and headed to my sister’s house for breakfast and presents. Everything was going great. We were hysterically laughing at National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, which has to be in my top 5 Christmas movies. We had breakfast and talked, as usual. It was our typical family Christmas. The kids started opening their presents (we didn’t exchange anything amongst ourselves this year), and out of no where I just started feeling very frustrated.

Then the batteries died on my camera, so I got up to change them. That’s when I felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I headed for the bathroom, sat on the toilet, and burst out in tears.

“I can’t do this alone anymore. I want my own family.”

I was upset for a few minutes and then pulled myself together and walked out.

Here’s where it got bad. Here’s where the devil really started in with the mind games.

I went out to the couch in the living room while they all did presents in the dining room. Then I started thinking, “Wow. They don’t even notice I’m gone. They don’t even care if I’m here or not. They aren’t even concerned for me at all.”

Yes, I know this is ridiculous, but at the moment I was not in my right mind. I sat there getting increasingly upset and to make matters worse, my sister decided to sit down on the other couch and start sarcastically telling me, “That’s not a Christmas face.”

She was right, but what I really needed to hear was, “Is everything ok?”

I should know better than to expect sympathy in this family, but it upset me. I couldn’t take anymore of being around all this family fun that I can't relate to anymore and am not included in because I don't have a family of my own, so I left, saying that I didn't feel well.

Of course, I didn’t receive one call or text of concern, which made me even more upset and down on myself.

I stopped off at my friend Mandy’s house to give her a Christmas gift and to vent and then went home--totally depressed and defeated. My parents were there. I asked my Mom if the family was upset that I left and she said that they weren’t and that she had told them that this time of year is hard on people who are single.

Dang. I guess they saw right through the sick act. Lol.

Yeah, it is hard. I think the anxiety and realization that I’m turning 30 soon, with no prospects in sight, just came knocking at the door of my psyche all at once and I wasn’t prepared for it. I do believe that the enemy used that to attack me and I totally let him. I allowed myself to be invaded with the most defeatist, angry, hopeless thoughts. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t care if I lived anymore for a minute there.

Thankfully, I snapped out of it. One good day of feeling sorry for myself was enough. It just sucked that it had to be Christmas day.

Well, now I’m trying to put this horrible day behind me and turn to the Lord. It’s hard. Lately, I’ve felt the urge to be angry with Him. I’ve wanted to say, “You really have forgotten about me, haven’t You.”

All ridiculous, I know. But like I said, the devil attacks at the most opportune times… and right where he knows how to get you. Even more ridiculous is how I can go from the high of seeing the Lord bless others through me to the low of allowing myself to nearly self-destruct.

*sigh* I have issues.

If you are reading this, keep me in your prayers. I’m in a valley right now and I need all the help I can get to climb out and reach that peak again…

Happy Hallow... Nothin!

This is the first Halloween that I'm not celebrating. Well, since that one year when we were little that my mom got convicted and decided no Halloween for us. We were not happy. Yeah, that only lasted that one year... lol.

Anyway, after last year's bad experience, I've just decided that Halloween is no longer for me. It's not very God-honering and it's not like I have kids to do things (church festivals) with anyway. I'm over it. I'm staying in tonight...

Since I'm writing, in other news...

I met with the two potential roommates yesterday. It went very well. I can now pretty much replace the "potential" with "future." They were great and we seemed to be on the same page about almost everything. I should be moving in the first of December. I feel like God really has his hand in this and I'm UBER excited about coming back.

Plus, not to sound like a broken record, but I miss my church so much!!!

Oh, last night we celebrated my aunt Jean's 50th birthday in an amazing Old-Hollywood house in the Hollywood Hills. It was pretty fun. My favorite cousin Justin was there, so that was even better. Plus, his semi-reclusive mom, my aunt Patty, came from Pennsylvania, so that got the waterworks flowing.

It really was an enjoyable time with the family. I wish my sisters would have come (they had a Halloween party... tsk tsk. lol), but then again I'm glad they didn't. Because they weren't there I was forced to really be social with everyone, including non-family members whom I did not know. It was overall a great time...

Despite not being part of the "festivities" that come with this "holiday" (emphasis way added), I totally had a productive, full, and enjoyable weekend. Good times!

Oh and one good thing about today: Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner. Yay! =)

Feline, Film, Fireworks, and Flattery

Quite a weekend. Quite a weekend.

FELINE

I left work early on Thursday and headed straight to my dad's because I had a dentist appt. in Diamond Bar the next day. I get there and find Gatito on the floor in a very sad state. That's when Mom tells me that he got out the night before and when he came back that morning, he was visibly shaken and injured from fighting with the stray neighborhood cats. I lean down to check him out and he's completely rigid and not very happy about me inspecting his injuries... his numerous injuries.

He's obviously beat up, but something isn't right. I finally decide to take him to the vet. We get there and the first thing they do is take his temperature.

104 degrees!!! Yikes.

Then the doc comes in and starts pulling out chunks of hair where Gatito's been injured. Underneath that hair are deep puncture wounds already filled with puss. I got him there right on time. The doc tells me that if I had waited each one of those puncture wounds would have turned into a giant absess. Yay!

So Gatito got left at the vet to be sedated and have his wounds cleaned to avoid infection, and then he came home the next day totally high and wearing a cone. Way to go, Gatito. Hope you learned your lesson, although I sort of doubt it....

FILM

Saw Twilight: Eclipse on Saturday. Not bad. I'm not a Twilight fanatic or anything, but I do enjoy the movies. What can I say? I love a cheesy romance story.... even if it involves the undead. lol.

The thing I really like about this one was a small message it conveyed on how special it is to wait until marriage before doing "the deed." Bella wants to get it on with Edward, but he tells her that he's "old fashioned" and would rather marry her first. All the girls in the audience were like, "Awwwww." I was like, "Amen!" =)

FIREWORKS

Fourth of July was boring for me this year. Didn't go to any BBQs or other events. Katie and I just climbed up to the roof, talked about our lacking love lives, and watched the fireworks show from Hanson Dam. Meh. Nothing exciting.

FLATTERY

Speaking of my love life, while up on the roof I expressed a few frustrations to my sister about it. I just feel so lonely lately (it doesn't help that I had a dream about someone from my past that I wish would have been real). I feel like I learned so much from the last failed attempt, but haven't been given any kind of opportunity to put into action what I've learned. Plus, I can't help but feel completely horrible about myself when no one worth my time is remotely interested. I was just venting about my slight frustration toward God. (Yes, I admit it, okay! lol)

Anyway, yesterday we head to WalMart for some household items. As I'm standing in an aisle telling Tirsa a funny story, this guy, who clearly has mild cerebral palsy, but was actually pretty high functioning and not horrible looking, approaches me. He was like, "Excuse me. Excuse me."

At first I thought he was trying to get to something behind me on the shelf, so I move out of the way. Then he says, "I don't mean to be rude or anything."

I'm thinking, "what is this guy about to tell me."

He then says, "You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

Oh my. All I could do was smile and say Thank You. He then asked if he could give me his business card so we could hang out. I didn't want him to feel bad, so I sort of lied and said I had a boy friend, to which he replied that "he" was a lucky guy, and then he threw in a "God bless you." Cute.

I have to say that was the most flattering attempted pick-up I've ever been subjected to. I was not interested in the guy (and not because of his disability... I have a cousin with the same disability and I've never treated him any different from anyone else), but I give him a lot of props for being so bold, but not sleazy about it. It really was cute.

I really think that God used this guy to remind me that He is listening and paying attention. There are decent people out there who find me attractive and who are willing to be bold enough to let me know. There is hope for me. =)

Thanks, Lord, and please bless that guy. There is someone special out there for him too...

In honor of Father's Day (this is just funny!)

Funniest blog post today:

How I learned (the hard way) not to give your father the finger...

Empowered by my lofty seat, I was inspired to try new things. At that young age I itched to put the day’s lessons to use as soon as possible. That day the lesson was in sign language, delivered by an older neighbor boy. His words echoed in my round head, “Do…THIS… to your dad.”

So I did.

In a lull in conversation, as the rest of my family chewed, I looked Dad in the eye from my throne. I held out my skinny arm with an upturned fist and let fly the longest of my tiny little fingers, the King of all fingers, the Bird...

HAHAHA!!! Sounds like something stupid my sisters and I would have done too....

Kids....

Mother's Day Disaster

So our mother's day was a disaster. I won't get into the details, but let's just say about half of us got up and left my sister Kim's house early. Dad left so early, his plate still had food on it. It was that bad.

Family fighting. No bueno.

Unfortunately, this one was one straw on the way to the straw that breaks the camel's back. Some of us are getting a little tired of the antics of others. Some of us are seriously considering backing out of the others' lives. Some of us feel like we don't know our own family members anymore. Some of us are pretty sad about it, but are just as mad too....

Lord, help us.

Hope the other Mothers out there had a WAY better Mother's day than we did...

PC (Political Correctness) = OTL (Offends the Left)

This column by Dennis Prager, a devoutly JEWISH (not Christian) writer/columnist/radio show host discusses how one Iowa town decided it wanted to re-name Good Friday as "Spring Holiday" and how ridiculous and offensive that is and should be to Americans.

In my opinion, the most amazing truth that Mr. Prager, a non-Christian, makes in this article is that there is a very real attack by the Left on Christianity right now. When a Jew is pointing out that Christianity is being attacked and defending it, you know it's not just some crazy consipiracy or bout of paranoia:

...What is significant is that the civil rights commission and the city administrator of an American city -- a heartland city -- would recommend that Good Friday be replaced by the meaningless "Spring Holiday."

It is significant for these reasons:

1. There really is a war against Christianity.

Leftism functions as a secular religion, and its adherents understand that the major obstacle to the dominance of Leftist policies and values is traditional religion, specifically Christianity. With the demise of Christianity in Western Europe, Leftist ideas and values came to dominate that continent. America, the most religious industrialized democracy, remains the great exception.

(...)

5. Non-Christians offended by Good Friday as an American holiday are narcissists.

The Left tells us that non-Christians are offended by the government celebrating Good Friday. As a Jew, permit me to say that any non-Christian offended by Good Friday or Christmas gives new meaning to the word "narcissist." To seek to erase the name Good Friday is an exercise in self-centeredness and ingratitude that is jaw-dropping. We non-Christian Americans live in the freest society in human history; it was produced by people nearly every one of who celebrated Good Friday, and we have the gall to want to rename it?

Read the whole column here.

Well put, Mr. Prager. For as long as Christianity has existed, Christians have recognized Jews as the chosen people of God and we've supported the Jewish nation of Israel. It's nice to see some support being reciprocated.

My 2-Day-Late Easter Post

I never got around to posting something on Easter in honor of Our Lord's sacrifice, but I thought I would give you some words from others that seem to convey every feeling on and the story of Easter so perfectly:

“You were as I, Tempted and tried, Human. The word became flesh, Bore my sin and death. Now you're risen” Lead Me to the Cross by Hillsong United

“Look at these hands and my side. They swallowed the grave on that night, When I drank the world's sin, So I could carry you in, And give you life. I want to give you life.” By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North

“Love is here. Love is now. Love is pouring from His hands, from his brows. Love is near, it satisfies. Streams of mercy flowing from his side. 'Cause love is here.” Love is Here by Tenth Avenue North

“Worthy is the Lamb who was slain. Holy, Holy is He.” Revelation Song

“He became sin, Who knew no sin, that we might become His righteousness. He humbled Himself and carried the cross. Love so amazing. Love so amazing… His body the bread. His blood the wine. Broken and poured out all for love. The whole earth trembled and the veil was torn. Love so amazing. Love so amazing…” Jesus Messiah by Chris Tomlin.

"My chains are gone. I've been set free. My God, my Saviour, has ransomed me. And like a flood, His mercy rains. Unending love. Amazing grace." Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) by Chris Tomlin

“I feel so alive, for the very first time. I can’t deny you….” Alive by P.O.D.

“Now that I know you I could never turn my back away. Now that I see you, I believe no matter what they say.” Alive by P.O.D.

Praise Your name, Jesus. Thank You for the work on the cross on behalf of this lowly sinner. I love You!

On the cusp of a New Year...

"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man." Benjamin Franklin

I'm not a New Year's Resolution-making type of person. Never have been. Let's be real, no one really keeps them. Well, most don't. My sister once made a resolution not to drink the whole year (back when we weren't exactly walking with the Lord) and she kept it. I was pretty proud of her for it... I think those times were the beginnings of us starting to little by little hear the Lord's calling for us to come back to Him.

Anyway, this year, I have changed things up a little and made a resolution for myself: Put God first, then others, then myself.

I was doing okay this year with my relationship with the Lord and being positive--I was really growing. Then, all of a sudden, I fell right back into self-pity, lack of trust in the Lord, loss of joy, etc. Not cool. All of that has it's roots in SELFISHNESS. I know this. Hence, my resolution.

So, Lord, help me to remember You above all things and then to put others before myself... not for show, not for praise, but because it's right and good in Your sight. Help me to re-discover my need and want for YOUR will and not my own. Light a bright, burning flame in my heart for You and Your ways. May this new year be filled with hope, joy, and blessings that come from a deeper relationship with You. In Jesus' mighty name, Amen!

Baby K's never gonna live this down...

I forgot to mention, in my Christmas Wrap-up post, something funny that happened while the kids were opening presents Christmas morning. Kaylin was going at it and got to a present that had a card. She lifted it up and we were like, "What does it say, Kaylin?"

She lifts up the card and proudly yells, "Happy Chappy Birthday!"

We all immediately burst into laughter. It was hilarious. Baby K of course stopped and looked at us like, "How dare you laugh at me."

We all started to cheer and repeat what she said. It was hysterical. She's so never gonna live that one down.

Happy Chappy Birthday, Jesus! =)

Christmas Wrap-up (pun intended)

LOL. I make myself laugh.

Anyway..... MERRY (belated) Christmas!

It was very nice this year (after all that whining and crying about stuff, right?). I really enjoyed the time spent with family.

Christmas Eve was spent with Kim's in-laws. That was nice, but I left a little early because I was beat. I just wanted to hit the hay.

Christmas morning was amazing. We met up at Sandy's this year and her future in-laws and her blood sister, Vicki, were there. Dad and I made breakfast and Juan's mom made pozole. Everyone pigged out. We even had mimosas (sorry, Jesus. lol). The kids opened their presents first. Then Katie read from the Word, we all prayed together, and then we opened our Secret Santa gifts. Everyone seemed to be pleased with what they got.

I was very happy with what I got because it was all stuff I asked for:

-Sarah Palin's book Going Rogue. Yes!!! She really is one of my heroes. We are very much alike--we both believe in standing up for what you believe, no matter how much people might hate you for it. Ahem... media. lol

-A large-barrel curling iron. Yeeeeesssss! I have been wanting one so badly so that I can flip my hair out and so that I can be lazy on those days were I don't feel like blow-drying my hair. I'm a woman and I like my hair to be pretty... what can I say...

-An iPod adapter for the car stereo. The car's older (2001) and doesn't have MP3 player capabilities, so I needed a cassette tape adapter so I can finally hear my music in the car when I want to. Yay!

In addition to what my Secret Santa got me, my mom gave me a Victoria Secret body spray, lotion, and body wash combo that someone gave her and didn't want. Thanks! She also gave me a $75 Nordstrom's gift card that someone gave her that she knows she's not going to use. I'm going to use it to buy a purse and to surprise her with a little something, since it WAS supposed to go to her anyway. She deserves something special also.

Back to Christmas day: After Sandy's, I spent the remainder of the day with Mandy and the family. I gave her her gift (a mug I had made with all the pictures of her kids and grandkids on it), which made her cry. Victory! lol. Then we ate Christmas dinner and went to see the Chipmunks: The Squeaquel. It wasn't the greatest, but Baby loved it, so that's all that matters.

So yeah, like I said, Christmas was amazing this year. It really ended up being a very joyful occasion.

Thank you, Lord. Help me to remember Your most special gift the whole year round! It's all about YOU, Jesus.

Just an itty bitty reminder about Christmas...

Come to Bethlehem and see
Him whose birth the angels sing;
Come, adore on bended knee
Christ, the Lord,
The new-born King.

Gloria in excelsis Deo,
Gloria in excelsis Deo.

With all my whining and complaining, I have hardly stopped to remember what this time is about: JESUS! Not me. Not my problems.

It’s about a loving and just God, who made a way for us to be saved. He left the most amazing place ever to exist, where He was surrounded by glory and being worshiped, and became a lowly man who would give His life so that we wouldn’t lose ours. He walked this earth and felt the pains that we’ve felt, including loneliness, hurt, and rejection. He knew what He was in for and did it anyway He was born and voluntarily died because He loves us beyond description and words. All He wants in return is our full dedication to Him, which is not too much to ask.

Christmas is about CHRIST! Bottom line. Period.

Thank you, Lord… for what You did, for loving us, for Your forgiveness and patience with me. You are all that matters. Amen!

Gloria in exelsis Deo – Glory to God in the Highest

My new Holiday tradition: Christmas Pretzels

This year, since I'm broke with a capital "B," I decided to make a yummy treat as a gift for my co-workers--thoughtful AND cheap. lol. I immediately thought of chocolate-covered pretzels. They are great because they are both sweet and salty in one scrumptious little package.

Well, I hit up Michael's and got almost everything I needed: Melting chocolates (in Blue [for my Jewish boss], White, and Red), wax paper, and Christmas sprinkles. The pretzels I got at Big Lots of all places. I was able to find a large 36 oz. container of pretzel sticks for 5 bucks. With all those supplies I made around 60+ pretzels. Not bad at all. All for around $30. NOT BAD AT ALL!

Well, everyone enjoyed them.... A LOT. So much so that I was getting requests for more. So last weekend, I got all the fixins (including regular-style pretzels--see picture) and made another batch for my co-workers and for my mom's family, since we were having my Mom's family's Christmas dinner. Again, they were a hit.

I have a feeling these will end up being my yearly gift. Fine with me. I got way more for my money with this gift. Plus, I have a feeling I'll be getting requests. =)

Trying to see hope through Christmas blues...

Just read this Boundless article by Suzanne. She's my favorite Boundless writer. Although she was just married recently, she has gone through practically the same exact struggles with singleness and trusting in God that I have. She is the proof that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Anyway, she writes about lonliness in Christmas:

It's so much worse being single at Christmas. For the past decade I've wistfully listened to the Mariah Carey song "All I Want For Christmas is You," longing for someone to want. At times I've even manufactured someone, just to dull the nagging impression that no one wants me.

When we're bereft of romantic possibilities, we believe things like that — that nobody wants us. And it's easy to take it a step farther to nobody ever will. Sure, I would never have said that out loud or even believed it on a conscious level. But when you're lonely, there's something sinister underneath that whispers, "Nobody wants you. You are not the kind to be desired."

Though friends and moms and friends' moms assure you that you are "a catch," the proof is in the Christmas pudding, as they say, and you wonder why — if it's true that you're so loveable — no viable suitors seem to have gotten the memo.

SERIOUSLY! I couldn't have put it better myself. You can't help but feel like you must be so undesireable simply for the seemingly obvious fact that you can't seem to find someone. It's hard not to feel like it's never going to happen:

You can convince yourself for short, sparkly moments that you are indeed fabulous and confidence is bolstered. Dress-up Christmas parties and holiday events provide those hope-moments of meeting someone Hollywood-style. But when nothing ultimately materializes you crash down to reality: "So it's really true. I knew it. I'm alone."

But alas, she gets to a fact that only puts a wrench in your pity party, and which forces you to stop thinking about YOURSELF:

The thing is, that ugly feeling that I am unwanted and unloved couldn't be farther from the truth. Christmas is a reminder of that. God loved me so incredibly that He became a man so that He could experience what it's like to be human. He experienced rejection and loneliness. And ultimately, He gave His life so that I could have a relationship with Him. He chose me to be his daughter, so I never have to be alone.

*sigh*

Like Suzanne says, though, "having faith for what you cannot see feels unbearable at times." I guess it's up to me to choose not to let it get me down. There is a reason to hope and have faith. Suzanne herself ended up being given the gift she wanted so badly soon thereafter, so I know there is hope for me:

As I snuggled up on the couch with a blanket and watched my nephews tear into their gifts, I had no idea that my future husband was experiencing his own melancholy Christmas back in Colorado. That we would meet for coffee three short weeks later.

Though my attempts at holiday happiness had been futile, God knew what I needed. Though I was weary of spending Christmases alone, God knew that it was the last one. And though I glimpsed the promise dimly, He was already fulfilling it.

Lord, please don't give up on me and help me not to give up on You.

Bah Humbug!

I can’t wait until Christmas is over. I’m way too stressed and I’ve been eating way too much crap (thanks a lot co-workers and your “Eight Days of Treats)! I wouldn’t be surprised if I have put back on 5 lbs. Gah!

I also, despite all my efforts to the contrary, cannot stop feeling like a lonely loser. I hate it. Christmas is not for 28-year-old, single chicks. It’s for kids and families and husbands and wives and girlfriends and boyfriends. Get the picture? Just like Valentine’s, I can’t help but feel like all the hype is designed to make the single person feel like crap. It should be about Jesus, just like Valentine’s should be about love for all, not just romantic love. Gah!

On top of that stupid crap, I am also stressed about money. I did VERY well with my shopping, but I still dropped almost $300, which is A LOT of money for me right now. That could have paid off the rest of a credit card. I think next year I’m just going to say, “Sorry, everyone. The only ones who are getting gifts from me are the kids.” But even that costs me a fortune because I have to renew my goddaughter’s Disneyland Season Pass every Christmas. I may have to stop doing that too. I love Baby and I want her to be able to do Disneyland regularly, but I also would like to get married WITHOUT debt.

I’m just not doing well right now and the sooner this is all over the better.

At least I have one thing to look forward to: Moving back to my Mom’s after the New Year. With that comes a new routine, decorating (cause that house needs it and with my Mom out I’ll have control… muahaha!), and getting involved at my new church, which will hopefully lead to meeting new people of the male persuasion.

The bad thing I have to look forward to after this is all over: losing the weight that I am sure to gain after all these stinking "holiday treats" I’ve been eating… Gah!

Christmas Cake Wrecks....

First of all, I have to say that I love love LOVE the website Cake Wrecks. It has to be one of the funniest things I've ever come across (it's subtitle literally states, "When professional cakes go horribly, hilariously wrong"). It never fails to make me laugh out loud. Some of these cakes are just mind-bogglingly hysterical and then you add on the clever captions by the blog's authors and you can't help but practically pee your pants every time you visit this page.

Anyway, this particular post had me busting up and I had to share in the spirit of Christmas tomfoolery: "Be good... or Else"

Because you deserve it...

So I've been trying to think of something special to do for my step-niece, Maddie, as her Christmas gift. God put it on my heart to pay her some special attention this year. And she really needs it, I think.

Maddie has Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). She can be hard to handle sometimes. It takes a lot of patience. On top of that, she is a pre-teen girl, stuck in between two families, and I would bet money that she doesn't feel like she completely belongs in either one. Her dad (my brother-in-law) and her mom divorced when she was still a baby. They both almost instantly remarried and both have a child with their new spouses. Maddie has a brother via her mother and a new baby sister via her father.

Needless to say, Maddie is not the center of attention in either of her families. In fact, just by the frequent loss of patience by her parents, I wouldn't blame Maddie for feeling like they don't even want her around sometimes, even if it's NOT the truth. (It literally brings me to tears thinking about it.)

This child is so happy and friendly. She's one of the most encouraging and kind little girls I have ever met. I don't know why she has this disorder--God only knows--but I wish people would stop and remember that 1) she isn't choosing to be this way and 2) she is a good girl despite her disorder.

All this to say, this is why my other sister and I want to do something special for this kid. We want her to shine and to feel important for the first time in a long time. We want her to feel wanted and accepted. We want her to feel like she belongs.

So, I think we are going to take her to see the Broadway musical, Mary Poppins. I'm excited. I've been wanting to see it. I'm more excited for Maddie though. She's going to get to dress up and be important.... because she deserves it!