Becoming a chicken...

I am not the most spontaneous, risk-taking person you'll ever meet, but I've never been much of a "'fraidy cat" when it comes to roller coasters. I'll get on (almost) anything.

Well..... Not so much anymore apparently.

I still have the hook-ups on free tickets at Magic Mountain, so my friend Jen and I decided to go this last Saturday. I hadn't been since I stopped working there 5 years ago. I hadn't been on the big rides in I don't know how long. I didn't think that my long absence from "Extreme" roller coasters would phase me, but I was wrong. So very wrong...

The first ride we went on was Tatsu. It's a newer ride that I had not been on. It's a flying roller coaster, which means that you get strapped in and then they flip you forward so that your tummy is facing the floor and you are in the flying position. Kinda cool. Yeah. Until you hit the pretzel loop (which involves "extreme postive G forces") that drops your stomach to your feet, feels like it's never going to end, and makes you think you might really die for a second there (I swear, I was this close to actually crying).

OMG.

I can't hang anymore.

I literally got off that ride feeling relieved to be alive and resolved to never do that again.

I used to make fun of my dad because when we were little he used to get on everything and he forced us to get on everything, but then a few years ago we got on the Tower of Terror at Disney's California Adventure and for the first time in my life I saw fear in my father's eyes. I thought it was hilarious. It's not.

I now know that with age comes fear. When you are young you have nothing to lose. Adrenaline is fun. Not anymore.

I'm officially old.

Quinn's gift and a little Easter reflection...

Quinn's letters are finished and they are A-MAZING!!! I am beyond happy with them. I literally told my friend Cindy that she disgusts me... in a good way. lol.

Wow. Talk about talent. If you want to order your own customized letters, please feel free to contact her at CCOLLIS81@YAHOO.COM or you can find her on Facebook by doing a search for "Sweet Peas and Butter Beans." You won't be sorry, as you can see from the picture above. =)

The baby shower is this weekend. It's sad that we won't be there, but I hope our gift is received with love. I do love my sister and I love my niece and nephew and I want all of God's blessings poured out on them.

I may not always feel my sister deserves any blessings because of the way she behaves, but do any of us? We all act ridiculous... whether publicly or privately. We ALL need forgiveness and redemption, which is why we celebrate Easter...

Yesterday was Easter and I didn't do much celebrating in the way of dinner or egg hunts or anything like that, but I did help my sister Katie out with donut service at her church. It was quite a job! Shepherd of the Hills is basically classified as a Megachurch and there was definitely a mega-crowd. Donut duty for a crowd that size requires a large team of people. We sure had our work cut out for us, but it was all in service of the Lord and I'm glad I did it.

After church, I was beat and so I went back to the house. Just as I predicted, Passion of the Christ was on TV (no, seriously, I just KNEW it would be on... lol). So I sat down to watch. In the middle of watching the scene where Jesus is being flogged, I began to really reflect on what the Lord went through on my behalf. I was so moved by the Holy Spirit that I broke down in violent sobs. The seriousness of what happened hit me like a semi truck. I won't get into the details of what happened, because that's between God and me, but I will say something changed.

Something has changed.

Lord, thank You for what You did. It should have been my flesh that was ripped apart. It should have been my scalp that bled. It should have been my body that was spit upon. It should have been my hands and feet that were pierced. I deserved it, not You. I put You on that cross. Forgive me Lord!! Forgive my foolishness....

Psalm 51

1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge. 5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. 6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 9 hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you. 14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, you who are God my Savior, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. 15 Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. 17 My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

18 May it please you to prosper Zion, to build up the walls of Jerusalem. 19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous, in burnt offerings offered whole; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Instincts... You have them for a reason!

So I started taking morning walks at Hansen Dam, which is near my house. I usually park in a parking lot a little further from the dam because the one at the entrance to the dam is always full. Yeah, I won't be doing that anymore.

Saturday, I parked my car and took my walk, as usual. As I was heading back to my car, I spotted a man about 50 yards ahead of me sitting on some rocks near the parking lot. Immediatley my instincts told me to be leary of this man. As I got nearer to that area, I started going around to the side of where he was to get to my car. That was when he stood up and swiftly walked toward me.

My heart started racing.

I then abruptly stopped when he was only about 4 feet from me. I was not even going to try passing him because all I could imagine was him coming up behind me and grabbing me. When I stopped he stopped and I could tell that he could sense my defensiveness. It was pretty obvious because I stood cold in my tracks and looked (not-so-nicely) right at him. That's when he said, "Did you finish your walk?"

Um, who the heck are you, talking to me like you know me? Ew.

I said, kind of curtly, "Yeah, can I help you?"

My heart was pounding at this point, but I was not going to let this guy think I was vulnerable--this man who sure had some b***s trying to pull something in broad daylight!

He got the picture and kept walking. As soon as I knew I was out of his reach, I walked quickly to my car. That was when I noticed two men in a parked car looking at us. I'm glad to know that even if that guy did try something, there were witnesses and they would hopefully have come to my rescue.

(Thank you, Lord, for always protecting me!)

If you are a girl, or you have girls, there is an important message here: ALWAYS GO WITH YOUR INSTINCTS. Don't worry about being rude or hurting anyone's feelings. Your gut doesn't lie. Maybe that guy didn't intend to do anything but strike up a conversation with me (I highly doubt it). I don't really care. It didn't FEEL like those were his intentions and my gut told me that from 50 yards away.

Girls, you are BETTER OFF SAFE THAN SORRY! As for me, I am now carrying a small can of pepper spray on my keychain because, apparently, the freaks don't just come out at night...

Shnazzing things up...

So, since we've taken over my Mom's house and made it our very own bachelorette pad, we've really spruced the place up. We got all new (matching!) furniture. There was just one problem: the kitchen. It was the only thing that needed major help.

What was wrong with it? It was pink. Yeah, PINK! I'm talking pink walls and pink linoleum. *shudder* Who has a pink kitchen? Well, that's not retro at least. Apparently, my crazy parents did.

Well, not anymore. This weekend we painted the kitchen with much more "modern" colors:

You don't even want to know what kind of heinously ugly curtains used to hang here... lol


I really like it. I did most of it (my sister "helped," but I mostly had to come behind her and fix a lot of mistakes. God love her, but painting is definitely not her expertise. lol). It came out--as my mother would say--very sharp looking.

Now all that's left is for my friend Mike to finish the tiling job he's already started:

Deleted last post...

I know for a fact that no one I know reads my blog, but I decided on the off chance someone does that it's probably best to delete my last post about the bad ending to my Disneyland trip yesterday, which was entitled, "Money doesn't grow on trees..." As upset about the situation and the state of our spoiled kids these days as I was, I still don't want to put people I care about on blast like that.

I will reiterate what I said at the end, though: I am so grateful for the parents I had and for the values and appreciation they instilled in me. I realize more than ever that they loved me by saying "No" to me instead of setting me up with a false sense that I will always get what I want, when I want it, and in exactly the way in which I want it. They set me up for reality.

Happy Chappy...

So we celebrated my niece Kaylin's 3rd birthday over the weekend. Our planning paid off once again and the kids had a great time as princesses and knights.... more knights than anything. lol.

Kaylin had a great time and she got a very very special gift: A brand new puppy! It was very exciting. Check out her reaction face below (3rd pic).

Overall it was a great success. We decorated cupcakes, did crafts, played games, broke a pinata, and pigged out. Good times!

Happy birthday, my little Kaylita. Tia loves you with all her heart!

I can't believe this kid came into our lives only 3 years ago. Feels like she's always been here.... =)

Kaylin's Birthday Banner... made by her Tia Kristina =)

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall..." Don't you just love the gloves? =)

"Wait a minute...."


It's a puppy! I don't think she realized just yet that it was all hers. lol

Down for the count...

I'm starting to feel like my body is turning against me. Or maybe it just feels like it wants to go to the ER. On Thursday I was having the anxiety-induced chest pain that had been lingering for three days. I gave that to the Lord and it went away, but now something even worse has happened.

Thursday night I came to my sister Kim's house so that I could watch my niece yesterday, Friday. I spent the night in my step-niece Maddy's bed. No bueno. That mattress is way old and has no support. So, Friday, I somehow managed to throw out my lower back and it was made worse when I tried to pick Alexis up.

Now I've been in excruciating pain since yesterday. I can't leave because I'm afraid to drive. Thankfully, my brother-in-law hooked me up with a heating pad that I slept with all night and which I am using as I type this. It's alleviated alot of the pain, but unfortunately I can't take it with me when I get up... so yeah.

Well, my dad is now on his way over because I can't take it anymore. Hopefully, he can crack it or at least massage it, but honestly I don't know there is much he can do. I think it's a deep tissue issue (haha... that rhymes... lol). I had the same problem nearly 15 years ago when I was in H.S. It literally put me out of P.E. for a month. Back then I was WAY more out of shape, so I'm surprised this would happen again, but here we are.

Now not only am I not happy about being in pain (of course), but I'm also irritated that this going to foil my plans for signing up for the gym. I get paid Monday and I was planning to go sign up right after work. Yeah. That's so not happening now for a while. What I will need to do is get back to doing Pilates because, just like when this happened 15 years ago, I'm going to have to strengthen both my ab and back muscles.

Gah!!!

This is my trade-off for having such a young-looking face--the rest of my body is old and falling apart..... lol

*sigh*

Being Good and Garlic!

10 years ago I was very overweight. I was over 200 lbs and not at all living even a hint of a healthy lifestyle. We were driving up to Oregon for a family reunion and I was wearing shorts. I got out of the car and my sisters ever so kindly said, "Mmm... I feel like eating some cottage cheese." They were referring to my legs. Everything changed after that.

My mom had been mentioning the Atkins Diet and I thought it sounded crazy, restrictive, and not healthy (as do most people when they hear about what it entails). I kind of brushed it off initially, but after my sisters so gently made clear just how fat I had gotten, something clicked and I was willing to try anything. So we started the Atkins Diet and the weight literally began to melt off... 50 lbs of it to be exact. It changed my life.

Ever since then I have been living a lower-carb lifestyle and try to exercise regularly, which has allowed me to maintain the same size for the last 10 years. I have my ups and then my downs, but I generally stay at around a size 10. Well, I want to be smaller! So I've decided to step it up and go back to the very low-carb lifestyle.

I figure my body has now been accustomed to this size for so long that I could get away with losing lot of weight before plateauing. I'm hoping for 20 to 30 lbs and hopefully down to a size 7 if not smaller. I also am starting a new exercise routine with a friend to help the process out. Hopefully in a few months I'll be a whole new person. I'm already seeing results in only a week and a half. That's what I love about low-carb. The fat literally melts off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday was my good friend Mandy's birthday. I surprised her with dinner at The Stinking Rose. I've been wanting to go there forever and let me tell you it was WORTH the wait. Big time. The food was absolutely amazing. Everything is infused with garlic and Mandy and I are both garlic lovers. It was perfect.

The only downsize: I'm still burping up garlic as I type this. LOL.

Whatever. Like I said, totally worth it. If you're in the Beverly Hills or San Francisco area, please check this place out. It's pricey (I literally dropped $100 on food for both of us and valet), but you won't regret it...

And yes, if you are wondering, I did cheat and have some of their ciabatta bread with Bagna Calda. lol

Feline, Film, Fireworks, and Flattery

Quite a weekend. Quite a weekend.

FELINE

I left work early on Thursday and headed straight to my dad's because I had a dentist appt. in Diamond Bar the next day. I get there and find Gatito on the floor in a very sad state. That's when Mom tells me that he got out the night before and when he came back that morning, he was visibly shaken and injured from fighting with the stray neighborhood cats. I lean down to check him out and he's completely rigid and not very happy about me inspecting his injuries... his numerous injuries.

He's obviously beat up, but something isn't right. I finally decide to take him to the vet. We get there and the first thing they do is take his temperature.

104 degrees!!! Yikes.

Then the doc comes in and starts pulling out chunks of hair where Gatito's been injured. Underneath that hair are deep puncture wounds already filled with puss. I got him there right on time. The doc tells me that if I had waited each one of those puncture wounds would have turned into a giant absess. Yay!

So Gatito got left at the vet to be sedated and have his wounds cleaned to avoid infection, and then he came home the next day totally high and wearing a cone. Way to go, Gatito. Hope you learned your lesson, although I sort of doubt it....

FILM

Saw Twilight: Eclipse on Saturday. Not bad. I'm not a Twilight fanatic or anything, but I do enjoy the movies. What can I say? I love a cheesy romance story.... even if it involves the undead. lol.

The thing I really like about this one was a small message it conveyed on how special it is to wait until marriage before doing "the deed." Bella wants to get it on with Edward, but he tells her that he's "old fashioned" and would rather marry her first. All the girls in the audience were like, "Awwwww." I was like, "Amen!" =)

FIREWORKS

Fourth of July was boring for me this year. Didn't go to any BBQs or other events. Katie and I just climbed up to the roof, talked about our lacking love lives, and watched the fireworks show from Hanson Dam. Meh. Nothing exciting.

FLATTERY

Speaking of my love life, while up on the roof I expressed a few frustrations to my sister about it. I just feel so lonely lately (it doesn't help that I had a dream about someone from my past that I wish would have been real). I feel like I learned so much from the last failed attempt, but haven't been given any kind of opportunity to put into action what I've learned. Plus, I can't help but feel completely horrible about myself when no one worth my time is remotely interested. I was just venting about my slight frustration toward God. (Yes, I admit it, okay! lol)

Anyway, yesterday we head to WalMart for some household items. As I'm standing in an aisle telling Tirsa a funny story, this guy, who clearly has mild cerebral palsy, but was actually pretty high functioning and not horrible looking, approaches me. He was like, "Excuse me. Excuse me."

At first I thought he was trying to get to something behind me on the shelf, so I move out of the way. Then he says, "I don't mean to be rude or anything."

I'm thinking, "what is this guy about to tell me."

He then says, "You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

Oh my. All I could do was smile and say Thank You. He then asked if he could give me his business card so we could hang out. I didn't want him to feel bad, so I sort of lied and said I had a boy friend, to which he replied that "he" was a lucky guy, and then he threw in a "God bless you." Cute.

I have to say that was the most flattering attempted pick-up I've ever been subjected to. I was not interested in the guy (and not because of his disability... I have a cousin with the same disability and I've never treated him any different from anyone else), but I give him a lot of props for being so bold, but not sleazy about it. It really was cute.

I really think that God used this guy to remind me that He is listening and paying attention. There are decent people out there who find me attractive and who are willing to be bold enough to let me know. There is hope for me. =)

Thanks, Lord, and please bless that guy. There is someone special out there for him too...

Counterfeit Religion

This weekend I went to the Christening of my friends’ son at the Self Realization Fellowship in Pacific Palisades. No disrespect to my friends, but it was the strangest event I’ve EVER attended.

I have to admit, I kind of knew beforehand that this place was not exactly in-line with my beliefs, but I really didn’t expect it to be as extreme as it was. They literally prayed to over a dozen entities, in addition to “the Heavenly Father,” “Jesus Christ,” and “the Saints.” Basically they were trying to cover all their bases by being all-inclusive, even to the point of ending the prayer with not only an “amen,” but also an “om.” Yes. They were one of those “all paths lead to Heaven” kind of places.

From the moment the ceremony started, the Holy Spirit began to stir inside me. It was everything for me not to scream out how wrong the whole thing was… how false their teachings and beliefs are.

Apparently, the creator of this religion, Paramahamsa Yogananda, decided that if he took a little Jesus and sprinkled it in with his Yoga/Eastern Religious beliefs, it would appeal to a broader audience. Unfortunately, there are plenty of people out there ready and willing to eat this stuff up because it “sounds” right. The website says that he studied the four gospels and the life of Jesus, but there is no mention that he discovered that Jesus is God (not just a "spiritual teacher") and that He’s the only way to heaven. According to Yogananda, Christ’s teachings, in combination with Yoga/Eastern Religion, is the path to self-realization and being one with God.

Sorry, folks. That is so wrong. It’s Jesus or it’s Yoga/Eastern Religion. It’s not both:

"Jesus said, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the father but through ME.'” John 14:6

He didn’t say, “I, along with yoga, meditation, etc., am the way to Heaven and enlightenment.”

(I’m wondering if Yogananda missed that part of the Gospels?)

So yeah. Needless to say, I DID NOT join in to their prayer, but had prayers of my own—prayers that my friends and all those under the control of these false beliefs would open up their eyes to the Truth.

"But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them—bringing swift destruction on themselves. Many will follow their shameful ways and will bring the way of truth into disrepute. In their greed these teachers will exploit you with stories they have made up. Their condemnation has long been hanging over them, and their destruction has not been sleeping." 2 Peter 2:1-3

"For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths." 2 Timothy 4:3-4

Another party success.... Julia's 10th Birthday

So we had my goddaughter Julia's Mad Hatter Tea Party 10th birthday party yesterday.

Finally! It's finished! Thank God. (I don't know why I always agree to these things... so much work!) It was a little bumpy at first, but it was a success. We had about 10 kids show up, which was definitely enough to play games and for Julia to enjoy herself.

I got tho the park about 2 hours before the party was to start to find Julia and one of her friends hanging out, guarding our area. I was a little miffed that I was left with two kids as my helpers because there was A LOT of work to do, but I managed. We had a few more bumps with food orders being messed up and as a result Mandy (the birthday girl's mom) showing up kind of late. Thankfully, I had made treats, including PB&J sandwiches, for the kids, so that held them over. We even ended up doing cake/cupcakes before food, but because our theme was Mad Hatter, it worked out that everything was backwards. lol

Overall, despite the little stressors, it all turned out great. The kids had a blast.... Julia had a great time and got some amazing gifts and a lot of money. I guess all the little headaches don't matter afterall.... I know the kids didn't notice. =)

I can't believe my Baby is 10 years old already! So crazy!

This was the Pin the Smile on the Cheshire Cat game I made. Yes... I free-handed and then colored this myself. =)

Baby with the Card Soldiers and Not-quite-fully-painted rose bush. =)

Another shot with the flamingos.


The Mad Hatter's Table

Another angle of the Mad Hatter's Table

Close up shot. Check out my centerpieces. Yes... I made those myself too. =)

"The Queen of Hearts" and the "Catapillar" entertained the kids with card tricks. They loved it.

"The Red Queen" oversees the singing of Happy Birthday to Julia.

Yum!

On top of cake, they got to decorate their own cupcakes. =) Talk about sugar overload.

Kristina in Wonderland

My life revolves around Alice in Wonderland right now. We are throwing a party for my goddaughter's big 10th birthday and it's an Alice in Wonderland theme. This whole weekend I worked on decorations for the party:

• 2 Card Soldiers
• 1 faux Rose bush
• 8-10 "This way," "That way," "Yonder," etc signs

I also picked up some lanterns to string up over the LONG mad hatter party table and a ton of teapots and tea cups, as well as a few plates, from the Goodwill, which we will be stacking and glueing together to make some cool centerpieces. I think I will also use the centerpieces to serve some of the treats on. We'll see. Judging from the reactions to the above picture, I think people will really feel like they are at a one-of-a-kind party. I know I'm not the first to throw this type of party, but I aim to be one of the best. =)

THE Dress...

Note the tissue in her hand... We were all crying. lol

So we FINALLY took Sandy to David's Bridal on Sunday, after so much drama, and we found THE ONE: her wedding dress. As you can see it is lovely. It is Sandy--sweet, unique, different, and elegant.

She had tried this one on first and I knew it was IT; I think we all did. Sandy's face just lit up as soon as she saw it on herself. We all know that you have to try on a few before you decide, so she tried on about three more. For a minute there she was torn between this one and a more princess-y one that every single person in the store thought was beautiful, but I knew that one, although it was gorgeous, was just not Sandy. It was too much dress for her.

Finally, she put her dress back on and the tears started flowing. This was it. This was the one.

I can't wait to see the look on Juan's face when Sandy comes down the aisle looking more beautiful than ever. It's going to be a great and blessed day.

Great! Now I'm tearing up again.... =)

All things...

I almost forgot to mention Women's Retreat, which was the weekend before last. Kim and I had a great and BLESSED time. I was so glad that she came. The Holy Spirit was really moving there, especially on Saturday night.

One of the guest speakers, June Hesterly (I think that was her name), really had the room captivated with her testimony. Then at the end she really got moved by the Holy Spirit and just started praying for random people in the room that the Lord was putting it on her heart to address. It was crazy. All kinds of women just started breaking down and crying loudly because they were the ones she was addressing. At the end of it, Kim had gone forward to re-dedicate her life to the Lord. It really was awesome!

I've been praying that the movement that God made in Kim's heart will last. I know He had many messages for the both of us that weekend, but the main one was in line with the theme of the Retreat: ALL THINGS are possible with God.

For Kim that could mean healing in her marriage.

For me that meant that even when things seem to point no where, He IS working for my good and He does want to bless me with a husband.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you for continuing to remind us that I can do ALL THINGS through You and that with You ALL THINGS are possible. Amen!

This will make you fall asleep...

"I don't want to go through the motions. I don't want to go one more day... Without Your all consuming passion inside of me. I don't want to spend my whole life asking, 'what if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions.'"

Meh.

I feel just like that--like I am just going through the motions. Wake up. Go to work. Go home. Sometimes go to church. Repeat. There is no passion and no fire. There is nothing to look forward to. I come home to a cat and some parents. I don't say much. Eat, watch TV, go to bed. It's dull and lifeless. It's mundane. It's BORING. I need the Lord to bring a revival into my heart. Set my heart ablaze, God. Otherwise, I'm just a robot right now.

The days are slow, yet flyby. I'll be 30 soon. Yikes.

This weekend was strange, but it had it's good points. It started early when I went home early on Thursday because I was practically having a mental breakdown. For some reason, my monthly friend literally made me CRAZY this time around. After some snafus and just general frustration with pre-existing issues, I finally just went home. It was the best thing for me at the moment. I really believe that I may have walked out for good if I didn't make the decision to semi-calmly leave for the day.

On Saturday, Katie and I took Maddie to see Mary Poppins at the Ahmanson Theatre. Then afterward we had to take her home because her mom was upset about something that happened at school. Yay. Thanks for cutting our fun day short, lady. We didn't even get to take her to dinner.

After that drama, Katie and I had some Denny's and then went to Sandy's for a last-minute birthday BBQ for Miguel's birthday.

Miguel is hitting the big time. Opening business after business. Miguel and I are cut from the same cloth. Good, productive people (we both happen to still be virgins too) who just can't seem to catch a break with love. I told Miguel that we should marry each other if we hit 40 and are still alone. =) For now I'll take just being his personal assistant so I can get out of this stinkin job and work for someone I actually respect.

Speaking of love, I sort of admitted out loud to my sister that I don't believe that God will bless me with marriage and kids. I don't believe I have lost faith in God in general. I do believe that He loves me and will continue to bless me, despite not deserving it, but I've pretty much lost all hope in ever being married or having kids. Maybe I am just selfish... I don't know. I will admit that I'm impatient. I can't lie and say that I have hope right now that I will still be blessed in this way. Sometimes I think it was coming, but somewhere along the way, like everything else important to me, I fouled it up.

Sunday, I didn't make it to church because we ended up heading down to LA to buy an almost-new dining set that we found on Craigslist. My friend Mike's pregnant wife, Alycia, came with so we could use her truck to transport our new purchase. We treated her (and baby) to some Shakey's. It was nice to spend some time with her.

Afterwards we went to Big Lots to check out some other potential buys. We left with a really nice dark wood shelf unit (yes, I was surprised that they even had "nice" stuff). I put the thing together at the house pretty much by myself and we all definitely agreed that it fit in with our vision for the house. I have to say that after we've purchased everything we want to get, the place is going to be looking pretty nice. Can't wait.

I can't wait for a change. Can't wait to have my own say in things.

For now, back to the real world and feeling trapped....

Christmas Wrap-up (pun intended)

LOL. I make myself laugh.

Anyway..... MERRY (belated) Christmas!

It was very nice this year (after all that whining and crying about stuff, right?). I really enjoyed the time spent with family.

Christmas Eve was spent with Kim's in-laws. That was nice, but I left a little early because I was beat. I just wanted to hit the hay.

Christmas morning was amazing. We met up at Sandy's this year and her future in-laws and her blood sister, Vicki, were there. Dad and I made breakfast and Juan's mom made pozole. Everyone pigged out. We even had mimosas (sorry, Jesus. lol). The kids opened their presents first. Then Katie read from the Word, we all prayed together, and then we opened our Secret Santa gifts. Everyone seemed to be pleased with what they got.

I was very happy with what I got because it was all stuff I asked for:

-Sarah Palin's book Going Rogue. Yes!!! She really is one of my heroes. We are very much alike--we both believe in standing up for what you believe, no matter how much people might hate you for it. Ahem... media. lol

-A large-barrel curling iron. Yeeeeesssss! I have been wanting one so badly so that I can flip my hair out and so that I can be lazy on those days were I don't feel like blow-drying my hair. I'm a woman and I like my hair to be pretty... what can I say...

-An iPod adapter for the car stereo. The car's older (2001) and doesn't have MP3 player capabilities, so I needed a cassette tape adapter so I can finally hear my music in the car when I want to. Yay!

In addition to what my Secret Santa got me, my mom gave me a Victoria Secret body spray, lotion, and body wash combo that someone gave her and didn't want. Thanks! She also gave me a $75 Nordstrom's gift card that someone gave her that she knows she's not going to use. I'm going to use it to buy a purse and to surprise her with a little something, since it WAS supposed to go to her anyway. She deserves something special also.

Back to Christmas day: After Sandy's, I spent the remainder of the day with Mandy and the family. I gave her her gift (a mug I had made with all the pictures of her kids and grandkids on it), which made her cry. Victory! lol. Then we ate Christmas dinner and went to see the Chipmunks: The Squeaquel. It wasn't the greatest, but Baby loved it, so that's all that matters.

So yeah, like I said, Christmas was amazing this year. It really ended up being a very joyful occasion.

Thank you, Lord. Help me to remember Your most special gift the whole year round! It's all about YOU, Jesus.

Ups and downs...

This weekend was interesting. I was very busy--I literally saw three movies over the three days this weekend:

Friday: Saw The Princess and the Frog at Walt Disney Studios. Experience was cool, but the movie itself wasn't up to par for Disney in my opinion. It wasn't horrible, but wasn't their best either.

Saturday: Saw New Moon. I have never read the books and I'm not a teeny bopper who is obsessed with either of the young male actors from the movies, but after seeing this movie (and I never in a million years would have ever thought I was going to say this) I have to say I am on Team Jacob. The girl does him dirty... you can't help but root for the guy. (You have to see the movie to know what I'm talking about.)

Sunday: Saw Precious. Talk about a depressing movie. The acting was excellant, but I can't help wanting a HAPPY ending. The girl is triumphant at the end, but you still walk away feeling like it wasn't a very uplifting story. The even worse part is that you know this type of abuse and horrible circumstances is not unheard of in this world (my own adopted sister went through some of this stuff). So sad.

Aside from all the movie watching, I got to hang out with my friend Mike and I got to see both of my nieces. That was cool, but the weekend wasn't totally great.

I ended up having a conversation with my dad, which involved me telling him that sometimes I feel like he doesn't care all that much about my life and what happens to me, and specifically about helping me to marry well. I felt like he wasn't doing enough to make this thing with Francisco happen. Of course, as he does when he feels upset or guilty, he got mad at ME and acted like I want him to do everything for me. I don't want him to do everything for me at all. I just wanted him to do what was in his power to get this thing started so that God and I could handle the rest.

I don't know. I guess we are just on two different pages on what is biblically correct when it comes to parental involvement and how much there should be.

Anyway..... Yesterday, my dad sends me a text message:

"Francisco wants to see you next Saturday. Today is his father's birthday."

Well, I guess he did feel guilty because he had turned around and went through his friend Anthony to get ahold of Francisco. Anthony was going to have some people over to eat Paella at his house, so my dad asked him to invite Francisco. He couldn't make it because of his father's birthday, but they set up a movie night at Anthony's house the following weekend so that we could see each other. (I'm assuming they told him that I wanted to see him... I'll find out more later.)

So, now it's set up and I'm excited, but of course I feel bad that I practically had to twist my dad's arm to get him to do something. I plan on apologizing to my dad soon. I know he cares about me, but I don't want him to think that I think he doesn't care about me at all, whatsoever. I want him to know that I felt bad about our conversation before he ever sent me that text message.

Well, I guess it's time to start getting more happy about this situation. God has once again shown me that He is looking out for me. So, why do I feel all guilty now like I pushed everyone into something? *sigh*

Stop it, self! I'm sure things will start to look up very soon...

A First-time Meeting, First Birthday, First Look after 10 Years, and First Religious Rite

Wow! What a weekend I had. Here’s the breakdown:

Friday
I finally met Internet guy in person. We met up at Starbucks in Chino Hills. I think it went very well. I was comfortable and was totally myself. He was cool. He demonstrated a very good balance of talking and listening. I think it went pretty smoothly. I get the impression he left still interested in me, but I have to admit that I didn’t feel a spark, but that was because I intended for that. I think there is a good chance that in the past, before my he-must-be-a-practicing-and-fruit-bearing-Christian rule, there would have been a spark. But alas, I won't allow it because I will do everything possible to avoid being unequally yoked. I see what some of these women who have unbelieving husbands go through and it’s NOT WORTH IT!

Saturday
We had Alexis’ 1st Birthday party and, other than some drama from my sister about not having enough help (now you know how I always feel planning everyone’s events), it turned out very nicely. More people than we expected showed up. Funny thing was, we still had SO much food left over. Alexis had fun, the few kids had fun playing in the playground and running around, and the adults seemed to enjoy the food and chatting. So I definitely can say it was a success.

That evening, after much begging and convincing from my old class president, I went to my 10-year high school reunion. I feel like it was pretty much a bust. I only saw like 3 people that I knew fairly well--1 person who I think hates me and is under the mistaken impression that I slept with her now-husband (hello! I'm still a virgin... pretty much impossible). The rest were people I absolutely didn’t know or recognize or who were just people that I sort of knew, but who I knew wouldn’t remember me (I look WAY different now—I’ve improved by leaps and bounds in my appearance LOL). My friend, Mike, and my sister, Katie, came with, so at least I wasn’t by myself, but I do feel like I could have done something a little more worthwhile with my money.

If I could make any suggestions to my friend who coordinated the thing: Don’t have the next one at a club. You really don’t know if that somewhat familiar-looking person in the corner over there is someone you went to High School with or just some club patron. Plus, some of us don’t find going to a club conducive with our lifestyles anymore.

Sunday
Kaylin was baptized Catholic. Our friend, Miguel, and I were two of the 4 godparents. Despite the fact that we are not, nor really is Sandy, a Catholic, it was a beautiful event and I was glad to be a part of it. The only time I really felt awkward was when they were asking the saints to pray for us. I think the saints are a little busy worshipping God and being in His presence, and not at all worried about us down here. But whatever; I guess if it makes you feel better. Lol

Afterward, we went to Juan’s parents’ place and pigged out on some yummy food that his mom had made, including everyone’s favorite: her chicken salad. Mm mm mm! We had a Costco cake too and you know you can’t go wrong with a Costo cake. It was just a nice time together too—the two families hanging out. I really enjoyed myself.


What a blessed and fun weekend I had. Overall, I can’t complain one bit. I haven’t felt this much of God’s love and family love in a long time. Hope it continues just like this…

What’s said on the road to Phoenix, stays on the road to Phoenix…

Okay, so I said that I would write about my interesting trip to Phoenix last weekend. Well, actually I don’t want to infer that it was a negative experience by saying that it was “interesting.” I actually had quite a good time, I have to say, but it sure started out a little awkward.

The girl I went with is a friend that I know through another close friend (whom we will call “Ms. M”). Lately these two friends have not been speaking to each other for what I thought were very minor and trivial (in my opinion) reasons. So, I was actually contemplating bringing it up and suggesting that it be squashed. Before I could say anything—before I could get on the freeway to head out of town, actually—my traveling friend (we’ll call her “Ms. J”) brought it up.

Ms. J’s story behind why they are not speaking was quite different from what I thought was the reason behind their spat. I won’t get into the details, but I will say that they included the person we were visiting in Arizona (who’s in jail by the way) and me… and in a very awkward (mostly for me) way. She clarified that the person she was mad at was Ms. M and not me by any means, but still. I was scared this was going to set the tone for the whole trip.

Thankfully, it did not. Phew! Because all I could think was, “Great, I’ve been sucked into the middle of some drama and now I have to spend the weekend with someone who is going to be brooding and who may secretly harbor some sort of resentment towards me.” Thankfully, again, it did not go down like that. We talked about it and then it was over and out of our minds (well, I know it was out of mine at least).

We ended up having a great time. We went out to eat, chilled out in out hotel room, watched The Proposal (I admit, I laughed), and had a nice visit with the jailbird (lol). We totally bonded and came back even closer friends.

So… it actually was a pretty successful trip, all drama aside. Except now Ms. M is sending me message after message asking how the trip went and telling me to call her. Why do I think Ms. M is going to grill me on what Ms. J might have said about her during out trip to Phoenix?

Well, I’ve decided that I’m just going to keep my mouth shut and play the dummy, like I have no idea why they are not friends other than for the reasons given to me by Ms. M originally. I DO NOT want to be stuck in the middle of these two friends or be sucked into the drama. I’m too grown for all this…

A regretable Halloween...

So, I've been meaning to write about how my Halloween went, but frankly it's not something I'm even happy to write about. That fact that I'm saying, "my Halloween," bothers me in and of itself.

In the weeks leading up to Halloween I didn't really think twice about whether I was going to participate--as in Trick-or-Treat and go to a party or two. At first the idea didn't bother me at all, but the closer it got to Halloween the more I felt like the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me to stay away.

Last Thursday, my co-worker, who is a Christian, asked me what I was doing for the weekend and I told her that I had multiple invitations to different parties, but that I had decided to go to one with my sister, since she too is a Christian and would not be doing anything crazy (I was wrong about that by the way... read on). The Holy Spirit must have been doing His thing because I immediately said, "Not that I should really be going to any parties anyway." To which she replied, "You'll learn." Meaning, I'm assuming, that I still have a little ways to go before I'm free from the grips fo the world and its influence.

Boy, was that convicting! After that all I had was an useasy feeling about whether I should do anything at all for Halloween. I kept debating with myself over whether I should even go near anything Halloween-related at all, but I also knew that I had promised to go trick-or-treating with my goddaughter and I almost NEVER break my promises to her. So to me, there was no way out of that part.

Eventually, I decided to just go ahead and do trick-or-treating and go to the party with my sister. I figured as long as I didn't dress up in anything evil or dark, I should be okay. Yeah, well, I forgot that you can control what you do, but you can't control what others do. So I was heading for disaster.

Here are the not-so-great highlights:

• While trick-or-treating, I was disgusted left and right by how many 10- to 12-year-old girls were dressed like whores and who's parents didn't seem to have a problem with it.
• My friend decided (in the spirit of Halloween, I guess) to start talking about suicide and the different ways to achieve it right in front of her dauther, my goddaughter, on our way back from trick-or-treating. I then asked why we were even talking about it. My goddaughter agreed that she didn't want to talk about it because it would give her nightmares. Man, I don't care what day it is, that crap is not appropriate. It made me very uncomfortable and I almost told her that when I have kids I'm not leaving them alone with her. lol
• My sister went to the party as a witch AND made it clear that she was going to be drinking.
• Speaking of drinking, this party was a hot, drunken mess and pretty much all the girls (with the exception of my sisters, Tirsa, and me) were some form of slutty.
• There were people there who obviously live "alternative" lifestyles and were not afraid to show it. Everyone thought it was hilarious. I didn't.
• This is the worst: The host was dressed as some Blue Man Group-looking character. That's not so bad, but then he pulls down his pants to uncover a giant blue... well, I guess I'll say "member." Who, of all people, decides he's going to go grab the "member" and proceed to take a picture with it? My very own brother-in-law. Nooooo!!!! All I could do was say, "We are supposed to be Christians! What are you doing?" The even sadder part was that my sister found it funny and was the one taking the picture. How is she supposed to now go back to work and be a witness for Christ? Ay ay ay... That really saddened me, I have to say (I literally want to cry right now).

Well, we left the party early and I was happy about it, but all I could feel the entire rest of the night and rest of the following day was extreme guilt and shame. Why did I take part in this so-called holiday? I knew it was a mistake, but I did it anyway, and I'm so disgusted with myself and with this world in general. In the past, I wouldn't have taken part in anything too crazy, but I wouldn't have sat there and felt wrong about it either. Well, now things have changed. The Lord has opened up my eyes to the nastiness and unholiness that is Halloween.

I'm never having anything to do with Halloween ever again! It wasn't worth it....