Called to love...

I've never wanted to be married more than I do right now in this very instant, because if I were married I would be able to adopt a child in need.  =*(

I'm reading my cousin Kristi's blog about the Peruvian orphanage in which she is serving at this very moment.  She has links to some of her "co-workers'" blogs in the column to the right.  In their blogs they get into more detail about the children, some even providing a lot of photographs. 

The more and more I read the stories and look at the photos of these amazing children, the more and more I ask myself, "Why are you not doing this also?" 

Then that question turns into a thought:  "Better yet, I wish I could snatch one of these kids up right now and give him or her a home." 

I can't though.  Not right now, at least.  I don't believe in being a single parent on purpose.  I don't think that's what the Lord has in mind for me. 

But then again... a home is a home, right?   These kids need a home RIGHT NOW!

Lord, make a way.  Maybe You just need me to go serve as a temporary parent.  If it's Your will, make a way...

FINALLY sister!

So my sister Sandy has been counting down on Facebook, but nobody knew for what. She literally was posting up just a single number everyday. We knew it was probably for some big announcement. Yesterday, she posted up 1, which meant "one more day."

Well, this morning, I open up the hall closet to get the iron out and notice something's off. For months a giant garment bag, containing a wedding dress that never got used, has been hanging in that very closet. The bag and dress were gone.

Something's fishy!

So I texted her this morning:

"So sucka. Does your surprise have something to do with the dress missing from the closet?"

(Yes, we call each other "sucka..." Don't get off-track here. lol)

Her: "Darn! I knew you were gonna notice!!!! Lol"

Me: "So.... ????"

Her: "Yes we are finally getting married!!! :)))) Woop, woop!!"

Me: "Lol. I'll believe it when I see it... Haha. So just by yourselves or what?"

Her: "Today at 2:30 just me and Juan. No one else. So please don't feel bad or be mad..."

(This has waited long enough for my feelings to get in the way... Haha!)

Me: "I'm not. Trust me. I'm just glad you are doing it. Lol."

YAY!!! Finally!!!!

Dear Lord in Heaven. Please bless this marriage. Please use it to reveal Yourself to Juan and Sandy. They are going to need you now more than ever because the enemy's new mission will be to destroy this union. Put your hands of protection all around the NEW Becerra family. I love You Lord. I hope one day they will love You the same way!

Amen!

Can't wait to see the pictures... There better be pictures!

=)

Turning back from turning back...

This post from Stuff Christians Like really hit home for me. (Darn you, Serious Wednesdays!)

Here's an excerpt to wet your appetite:

Jesus tells Simon:

“And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

That’s it, those are 9 really simple words, but they demand a second look.

Do you see what Jesus is saying in that first half of the sentence, “And when you have turned back?” He’s saying:

And when you fail.

And when you sin.

And when you blow it and sell me out like a common thief.

And when you literally and physically turn your back on me.

And when you ruin it all.

When you turn back.

That concept is part of why our God is so different than everything we expect. We can turn back. There’s a return. There’s a comeback. There’s a loss and a brokenness and a state of falling, but you can turn back. That door is open. When I read the phrase “And when you have turned back,” I read a loud, wild picture of what grace really looks like.

Then you get to the part that is so easy to miss, the comma.

Thank God for the comma, because that’s not how I would have written that sentence.

Read the full post here.

Becoming a chicken...

I am not the most spontaneous, risk-taking person you'll ever meet, but I've never been much of a "'fraidy cat" when it comes to roller coasters. I'll get on (almost) anything.

Well..... Not so much anymore apparently.

I still have the hook-ups on free tickets at Magic Mountain, so my friend Jen and I decided to go this last Saturday. I hadn't been since I stopped working there 5 years ago. I hadn't been on the big rides in I don't know how long. I didn't think that my long absence from "Extreme" roller coasters would phase me, but I was wrong. So very wrong...

The first ride we went on was Tatsu. It's a newer ride that I had not been on. It's a flying roller coaster, which means that you get strapped in and then they flip you forward so that your tummy is facing the floor and you are in the flying position. Kinda cool. Yeah. Until you hit the pretzel loop (which involves "extreme postive G forces") that drops your stomach to your feet, feels like it's never going to end, and makes you think you might really die for a second there (I swear, I was this close to actually crying).

OMG.

I can't hang anymore.

I literally got off that ride feeling relieved to be alive and resolved to never do that again.

I used to make fun of my dad because when we were little he used to get on everything and he forced us to get on everything, but then a few years ago we got on the Tower of Terror at Disney's California Adventure and for the first time in my life I saw fear in my father's eyes. I thought it was hilarious. It's not.

I now know that with age comes fear. When you are young you have nothing to lose. Adrenaline is fun. Not anymore.

I'm officially old.

Quinn's gift and a little Easter reflection...

Quinn's letters are finished and they are A-MAZING!!! I am beyond happy with them. I literally told my friend Cindy that she disgusts me... in a good way. lol.

Wow. Talk about talent. If you want to order your own customized letters, please feel free to contact her at CCOLLIS81@YAHOO.COM or you can find her on Facebook by doing a search for "Sweet Peas and Butter Beans." You won't be sorry, as you can see from the picture above. =)

The baby shower is this weekend. It's sad that we won't be there, but I hope our gift is received with love. I do love my sister and I love my niece and nephew and I want all of God's blessings poured out on them.

I may not always feel my sister deserves any blessings because of the way she behaves, but do any of us? We all act ridiculous... whether publicly or privately. We ALL need forgiveness and redemption, which is why we celebrate Easter...

Yesterday was Easter and I didn't do much celebrating in the way of dinner or egg hunts or anything like that, but I did help my sister Katie out with donut service at her church. It was quite a job! Shepherd of the Hills is basically classified as a Megachurch and there was definitely a mega-crowd. Donut duty for a crowd that size requires a large team of people. We sure had our work cut out for us, but it was all in service of the Lord and I'm glad I did it.

After church, I was beat and so I went back to the house. Just as I predicted, Passion of the Christ was on TV (no, seriously, I just KNEW it would be on... lol). So I sat down to watch. In the middle of watching the scene where Jesus is being flogged, I began to really reflect on what the Lord went through on my behalf. I was so moved by the Holy Spirit that I broke down in violent sobs. The seriousness of what happened hit me like a semi truck. I won't get into the details of what happened, because that's between God and me, but I will say something changed.

Something has changed.

Lord, thank You for what You did. It should have been my flesh that was ripped apart. It should have been my scalp that bled. It should have been my body that was spit upon. It should have been my hands and feet that were pierced. I deserved it, not You. I put You on that cross. Forgive me Lord!! Forgive my foolishness....

Psalm 51

1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge. 5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. 6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 9 hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you. 14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, you who are God my Savior, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. 15 Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. 17 My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

18 May it please you to prosper Zion, to build up the walls of Jerusalem. 19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous, in burnt offerings offered whole; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

The benefits of crafty friends...

So an old friend of mine from my Six Flags days, Cindy, is an amazing artist and she has started a small business that involves custom painting various amazing things, mostly for kids. Right now she's doing a lot of customized lettering for hanging on walls.

She was even blogged about! (Read more here.)

So I've decided to commission some letters for my soon-to-be-born nephew, Quinn.

(Yes, even though my sister and I aren't speaking.)

I'm really excited. Since I know my sister got him Classic Pooh (as in Winnie the Pooh) bedding, I told Cindy to go with that theme--without plagerizing of course. She is so creative, so I know it will come out brilliantly. I can't wait to see them!!

I just hope that my sister can swallow her pride and accept them because it's not like they are something I can return.... lol

Harsh (but necessary) consequences for dumb decisions...

My old High School is in the news. Apparently, the whole coaching staff for the John Burroughs High School (Burbank, CA) Baseball Progam have been fired, all because of one assistant coach who thought it would be okay to serve alcohol to his players. Way to go genius.

You can read the story here.

I'm proud of my former Spanish teacher and now-Principal, Mr. Urioste, for making the I'm sure very hard decision to fire these coaches and punish the students involved--both those who drank and those who didn't. This is serious and the best way to prevent things like this from happening again is to have serious consequences for all people involved (although, I would personally have excluded the head coach since he was not on the trip with the team when this happened).

This world takes away consequences for everything and then is shocked when people do inappropriate things. Consequences to actions are what keep us from doing them, or at least make us seriously consider whether we should, and when innocent people go down with the bad ones, it teaches people that not standing up and trying to intervene is also not right.

It's sad that they lost their whole season, but see if they do this again...

One more thing, Blog...

I'm down 20 lbs since starting Weight Watchers 3 months ago. Ten more lbs to go.

Best part, I'm wearing a medium top (Fashion Store medium, which is like a normal person's small/medium) AND I'm in a size 9 jean. I've been in a size 9 before (for about 2 seconds), but it was a tight size 9. For the first time EVER (well, in my adult life), I'm in a loose 9 and probably even a tight 7. That is like miraculous for me. I can't believe it, but I'm SUPER HAPPY about it. Soon I'll be in a normal to loose 7 and that will be a dream literally come true.

=)

Lost Cause... the Update

Forgot to tell you, blog, that my sister and brother-in-law--adding insult to injury--uninvited my other sister and me to the baby shower that WE were throwing for her, but proceeded to still make sure all of MY friends are coming. Nice.

We are Christians at the end of the day, so I won't be spiteful. I have not asked any of MY friends not to go. Despite how angry my sister makes me, I won't sabatoge her baby shower. I do want good things for my niece and nephew.

This whole baby shower thing does reinforce to me, though, that we need to stay away from my sister and her husband for awhile. Basically, she needs to see that "you don't know what you have til it's gone." I'm just sad that she's the one who will have to look back on this and remember how she didn't have her sisters with her while she was celebrating such an important moment in life...

Gotta keep praying for her....

Dear Blog: I've been busy. My bad...

I'm so sorry, my little blog. I have neglected you so much. You probably think I'm self-centered and selfish.... and you would be right. lol. I've been busy too, but mostly it's because I've been living life instead of hypothesizing about living life or pretending to live life. Well, now I'm here to tell you about that....

=)

(I make myself laugh sometimes. Does that make me a loser? It sure does make me a dork. lol)

Anyway, I have been dating a lot. Nothing major has come of it, but I am definitely enjoying having attention and feeling desirable for truly the first time in my life. The only downside is that now I have all these options and I'm beginning to realize that I really don't know what I want anymore. I thought I did, but now I'm not so sure.

I do know that whomever I end up will need to be my friend first. I've been encountering a lot of guys that want to immediately jump into a relationship and (as they say) "wife me up." It kinda freaks me out. I need to get to know you past three or four days, or even a couple of weeks, before I start CONSIDERING getting serious with you. Is that crazy? I don't think so...

Again, though, it is SO awesome having options and choices. It sure boosts the ego and puts a kick in your step, which seems to then attract more people to you. It's like a snowball effect.... a snowball effect of awesomeness! =)

I'm finally adjusted at work. I've made some boo-boos here and there, but I think I have the hang of it. The only thing I'm constantly confused about is whether or not these people even like me. The other secretary is touch and go. Some days she's nice to me and encouraging and other days I feel like I'm getting on her nerves or she thinks I'm just stupid. Who knows! I definitely miss my old team of Christian ladies. I never had to wonder if they secretly didn't like me. Oh well... It couldn't last forever.

I'm really trying to get out more and expand my horizons. I'm trying to make new friends and hang out with people I can relate to: Single People. I have so many friends (including my closest friend) who are married, about to be married, and/or have kids. I love these people and appreciate being a part of their families and having their children in my life, but I really can't relate to them. I have an idea of what they are going through and they have an idea of what I'm going through, but at the end of the day we are not going through the same things and don't completely understand each other. I need people who understand.

I keep jumping back and forth between ideas for what I want to do in the next year when my debt is paid off. Buy a car? Move back to Pomona/the I.E.? Buy a car???? Move back???? Some days it's one and other days its the other. If I move, I can go back to my church where I feel I belong. If I stay I'll be able to more easily save money AND get a new car with better gas mileage. Both seem like good options to me, but I don't know which to go with. I guess church and moving back do sort of edge out the new car thing, but it all depends on if/when my cousin can move out with me, because I really don't want to pay rent alone. We'll see what happens....

Well, there is more, but that's all I have time for now, little blog. I'll really try to be back again soon. Take care of yourself....

Lost cause?

So my family is divided right now. I probably shouldn't even be writing about this, but I need to vent somewhere and I'm pretty sure no one I know will see this so whatever.... The Devil is doing his worst at this moment and he's sure good at it, but we won't be defeated. Anyway, we pretty much aren't speaking to my sister and brother-in-law and this time it may be for a long period of time (or maybe until she gives birth... we'll see). We love them and want the best for them, but we are TIRED of their self-inflicted drama and the way it constantly spills over into our lives. There is only so much you can take. My sister and brother-in-law have one of the most toxic relationships I've ever seen. They are like bleach and ammonia. You don't mix them without creating poison. I'm sorry to even admit this, but I have literally told people that they are a match made in Hell. If they are not at each other' s throats (to the point of physical abuse at times) they are banding together against someone else with a taste for blood. They feed off each other's negativity. They enable each other. They blame EVERYONE but themselves... A couple of days ago was the last straw. Some drama went down with my niece witnessing everything, and my brother-in-law called us and dragged us into it. I had already warned my sister that if something else abusive happened that I was going to let his family know about it and in the heat of their fight she told me to go ahead and "put him on blast," meaning tell his family. His family has been living in la-la land for their ENTIRE relationship, never knowing about any of the crap they have put us and themselves through. We have had enough with having to deal with this alone and being completely disrespected as a family. It was their turn. So put both of them "on blast" (since they are BOTH at fault here) and we let his family know what was happening--so they would be aware and also so that his parents could go get the baby out of harms way. What happened? They didn't want to get involved and basically accused us of meddling. (Side note: I won't get into what was said, but they are officially on our bad sides as well. Maybe if they LISTENED to what we were telling them, they would have heard that WE are the ones getting DRAGGED into messes we want nothing to do with--aside from wanting to protect the child and the child that is about to arrive.) Then my sister and her brother-in-law informed us that they were going to get help the following day. We were forced to tell them that his parents are aware of the situation at that point. That's when my other sister gets this message: "Thanks for f***ing up my life." Um........................ Wow. So WE are screwing up YOUR life? No you? Not your husband? Us. The people you have dragged into this for the last 10 years. We are doing it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And that was our breaking point. I love my sister. Truly I do, but I'm not surprised that everything is everyone else's fault and that she is the victim here. She's always been this way. Ever since we were little, but now she has married another victim for reinforcement. Yeah. You're the victims. The victims of yourself. So, we're to the point where we are ready to step to the side so that they have no one to blame but themselves when these problems persist even when we are not in the picture. I PRAY that the Lord does something with them already. There is no where else to turn. Only HE can fix this. Only HE can break them down to nothing. For now, we are going to protect ourselves from the toxic fumes of their relationship and hopefully they will see when they don't have us to pick up the pieces just how much it is NOT our fault. God, in the meantime, please protect my niece and the nephew that will be here soon. They don't deserve this...