Abraham and God’s Promises

I just finished reading Hebrews 11:8-19 and Romans 4:18-21, which detail Abraham's faith in obeying God and offering his own son's life as a sacrifice. I've always known why God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac (he was testing Abraham's faith in Him), but for the first time I understand why it is that Abraham obeyed.

Before Isaac was even conceived, the Lord made a promise to Abraham. He told Abraham to look into the sky and count the stars, if that was even possible (Genesis 15:5). Then He told Abraham that he would have a son and his descendants would be as numerous as the stars. This was God’s promise to Abraham: You ARE going to have at least one child and from that child you ARE going to have more descendants than you can even count.

So when Abraham marched his son up that hill he in a way knew that his son wasn’t going to die. He had so much faith in God’s promise about his future that he literally believed that if God did end up allowing him to kill his son, God—being the almighty and powerful creator of the earth—would turn around and bring that boy back to life. He truly BELIEVED in the promise of God that his son would bring him many descendents. He trusted in God’s promise and he was RIGHT! God stopped Abraham before he could do it and considered him righteous for his faith. (We are, after all, saved by FAITH and not works, right?)

WOW! What an example.

I get it now. God does not go back on his promises and the more that we have faith and trust in Him and His promises the more we are blessed. Look at Abraham. He is now known as the father of a nation, all because he trusted in God’s word to him.

Why then should I—little old Kristina—not trust in the promises God has made to me. There is no reason. I have no excuse. I see that now. I see that God’s promises are real and true. I believe and trust in His promises.


Thank you, Lord, for showing this to me, and forgive me for only JUST getting it. You are amazing. Your love is amazing. Your power is amazing. Your promises are amazing. Hallelujah! Amen!

"And she will be loved..."

When it comes to my love life, it’s always either feast or famine. I go through these cycles where absolutely nobody is interested in me and then all of a sudden I got options. Well, at the risk of sounding conceited, I have to say that, right now, I have options… a few options.

I really don’t know what the difference is between me now and me a few months ago (other than about 11 lbs. lol), but all of a sudden I’m desirable to some people. Maybe it’s the holidays. Maybe they put people in the mood to be around someone special. I don’t know. All I know is that I literally have about 3 guys who are interested in me right now (Francisco and Internet guy being two of them).

I have no idea what to do with 1 guy, let alone 3! Yikes.

Obviously, Francisco is the guy I am hoping for. He is the most ideal as far as his beliefs and who he is as a person (at least, according to my dad). However, I keep thinking, “If Francisco doesn’t turn out to be as special as I think he is, should I keep these other guys on standby?” But then I think, “No. That sucks. I wouldn’t want to be somebody’s standby. I have no right to waste these guys’ time.” So yeah. What to do… what to do…

So, I guess it’s just friends… with all three guys. I think it’s important for whoever it is that I end up with that we be good friends first. I think developing a friendship above romance and all that is the most important.

I kind of want to hang out with each one, as a friend, and see how it goes with each one, but I’m not sure if that’s messed up or what? I’m telling you, I’ve never been in this kind of situation before. You think you want someONE special and then all of a sudden you got a line up. Double-yikes!

Either way, for the first time in a long time, I feel—dare I say it—desirable, and I DO appreciate it. As a former fat/not-so-hot girl, it’s always nice to get an ego boost here and there. =)

Moving back to move forward...

My sister Katie and her best friend Tirsa currently live with my Mom, but once my Mom moves in with my Dad and me in the very near future, they will be left at that house… on their own. Thankfully, the house is paid off, so all they have to worry about are rent and bills. They were thinking of getting a roommate, but Katie had one idea first: She asked me to move back home to 1) help pay rent/bills and 2) to leave my parents alone. Lol

I think I might do it.

I still have to think about it, but I do think it may be a good idea. For one, I do want to help my sister out and it would be nice to finally not live under the same roof as one or both of my parents… since I AM 28 years old! Two, my parents do need their alone time. They need to be given the opportunity to re-build their relationship—unhindered and with no distractions.

It’s just hard.

#1: I LOVE MY CHURCH. I love Pastor David and his wife Marie. I love the people. I love the sense of community. I love the Women’s Ministry. I love the Children’s Ministry. I was baptized there! My church and I have the same exact birthday… that’s gotta mean something! Lol. I don’t want to leave it. Truly.

#2: I love Pomona/the I.E. I’m surrounded by everything I need in all directions. The people seem way less superficial. I’m 20 minutes away from Disneyland. My hairdresser is out here and she is the only person I trust to cut my hair and at that price. My commute is only 30 minutes, whereas it will be 45-60 minutes from my Mom’s. Did I mention I love my church?!

It’s a hard decision for me to make. But then again…

- I miss being close to my sisters, nieces, goddaughter, and friends.
- If things work out with Francisco, it would be nice to be close to him since he practically lives in the same neighborhood as my Mom anyway.
- I DO need to grow up and be out on my own, paying rent and all.
- It’s not like I don’t have a church to go to out there—the one I used to go to: Shepherd of the Hills. I can always get involved with their Children’s Ministry too.
- I kind of like the idea of getting rid of my Mom’s old stuff and totally re-decorating. =)

So there are pros and cons to both sides, but I’m sure at the end of it all I will go ahead and move back—especially if things work out with Francisco. =) I can’t not help my sister out and I do need to grow up. Plus, so many people will be so happy to have me back.

One thing I know for sure right now: I can’t go until a lot more of my debt has been paid off, so I’m looking at around March or April 2010. By then I will only have about 5 or 6 of my 8 debts paid off. That will make it much easier for me to be able to pay rent and bills.

*sigh*

Lord I know you are in control regardless.

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails” -Proverbs 19:21

Ups and downs...

This weekend was interesting. I was very busy--I literally saw three movies over the three days this weekend:

Friday: Saw The Princess and the Frog at Walt Disney Studios. Experience was cool, but the movie itself wasn't up to par for Disney in my opinion. It wasn't horrible, but wasn't their best either.

Saturday: Saw New Moon. I have never read the books and I'm not a teeny bopper who is obsessed with either of the young male actors from the movies, but after seeing this movie (and I never in a million years would have ever thought I was going to say this) I have to say I am on Team Jacob. The girl does him dirty... you can't help but root for the guy. (You have to see the movie to know what I'm talking about.)

Sunday: Saw Precious. Talk about a depressing movie. The acting was excellant, but I can't help wanting a HAPPY ending. The girl is triumphant at the end, but you still walk away feeling like it wasn't a very uplifting story. The even worse part is that you know this type of abuse and horrible circumstances is not unheard of in this world (my own adopted sister went through some of this stuff). So sad.

Aside from all the movie watching, I got to hang out with my friend Mike and I got to see both of my nieces. That was cool, but the weekend wasn't totally great.

I ended up having a conversation with my dad, which involved me telling him that sometimes I feel like he doesn't care all that much about my life and what happens to me, and specifically about helping me to marry well. I felt like he wasn't doing enough to make this thing with Francisco happen. Of course, as he does when he feels upset or guilty, he got mad at ME and acted like I want him to do everything for me. I don't want him to do everything for me at all. I just wanted him to do what was in his power to get this thing started so that God and I could handle the rest.

I don't know. I guess we are just on two different pages on what is biblically correct when it comes to parental involvement and how much there should be.

Anyway..... Yesterday, my dad sends me a text message:

"Francisco wants to see you next Saturday. Today is his father's birthday."

Well, I guess he did feel guilty because he had turned around and went through his friend Anthony to get ahold of Francisco. Anthony was going to have some people over to eat Paella at his house, so my dad asked him to invite Francisco. He couldn't make it because of his father's birthday, but they set up a movie night at Anthony's house the following weekend so that we could see each other. (I'm assuming they told him that I wanted to see him... I'll find out more later.)

So, now it's set up and I'm excited, but of course I feel bad that I practically had to twist my dad's arm to get him to do something. I plan on apologizing to my dad soon. I know he cares about me, but I don't want him to think that I think he doesn't care about me at all, whatsoever. I want him to know that I felt bad about our conversation before he ever sent me that text message.

Well, I guess it's time to start getting more happy about this situation. God has once again shown me that He is looking out for me. So, why do I feel all guilty now like I pushed everyone into something? *sigh*

Stop it, self! I'm sure things will start to look up very soon...

Christmas Cake Wrecks....

First of all, I have to say that I love love LOVE the website Cake Wrecks. It has to be one of the funniest things I've ever come across (it's subtitle literally states, "When professional cakes go horribly, hilariously wrong"). It never fails to make me laugh out loud. Some of these cakes are just mind-bogglingly hysterical and then you add on the clever captions by the blog's authors and you can't help but practically pee your pants every time you visit this page.

Anyway, this particular post had me busting up and I had to share in the spirit of Christmas tomfoolery: "Be good... or Else"

"Don't stop believin'..."

Man, I'm trying to keep the dream alive for my love life, but it's hard. I really do need to learn patience. At least I have hope. But even that seems like it comes and goes. I found this quote this morning:

"When our hopes break, let our patience hold." -Thomas Fuller

So true and so applicable right now.

This morning I asked my dad how his friend and ex-girlfriend (I only recently found that out btw) Carmen is doing? He said that she hasn't come back to work and will most likely be out until the new year. Great. So how am I supposed to get into contact with Francisco? *sigh*

I've been praying for Carmen because I know how much it hurts to think you have someone and then suddenly lose them. My dad broke up with Carmen to try to work things out with my mom. Ouch.

After finding out that my dad had been dating Carmen, I jokingly told him to ask her to get in touch with Francisco before he told her that he and my mom were going to move back in with each other so that she wouldn't change her mind about trying to help me get to know him better. That was a JOKE, but he told her I said it and now I feel bad. I didn't want to hurt her feelings and I definitely didn't want to put the idea into her head. She doesn't strike me as the vengeful type, but women are women.... especially when they don't know the Lord. *sigh*

Maybe the Lord is trying to tell me that this is not going to happen. *sigh* The thought makes me want to cry. To quote another wise man, Al Green (lol), "I'm so tired of being alone..."


Lord, pleeeeeeease. Please help me to put my full trust, faith, and HOPE in You. I KNOW You have my best interests at heart and I KNOW that You have made a promise to me. Help me to BELIEVE it and to feel it in my core. I'm tired of worrying about it. I want to enjoy life and live in peace. Thank You for loving me, even when I'm crazy and impatient. Amen!

Because you deserve it...

So I've been trying to think of something special to do for my step-niece, Maddie, as her Christmas gift. God put it on my heart to pay her some special attention this year. And she really needs it, I think.

Maddie has Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). She can be hard to handle sometimes. It takes a lot of patience. On top of that, she is a pre-teen girl, stuck in between two families, and I would bet money that she doesn't feel like she completely belongs in either one. Her dad (my brother-in-law) and her mom divorced when she was still a baby. They both almost instantly remarried and both have a child with their new spouses. Maddie has a brother via her mother and a new baby sister via her father.

Needless to say, Maddie is not the center of attention in either of her families. In fact, just by the frequent loss of patience by her parents, I wouldn't blame Maddie for feeling like they don't even want her around sometimes, even if it's NOT the truth. (It literally brings me to tears thinking about it.)

This child is so happy and friendly. She's one of the most encouraging and kind little girls I have ever met. I don't know why she has this disorder--God only knows--but I wish people would stop and remember that 1) she isn't choosing to be this way and 2) she is a good girl despite her disorder.

All this to say, this is why my other sister and I want to do something special for this kid. We want her to shine and to feel important for the first time in a long time. We want her to feel wanted and accepted. We want her to feel like she belongs.

So, I think we are going to take her to see the Broadway musical, Mary Poppins. I'm excited. I've been wanting to see it. I'm more excited for Maddie though. She's going to get to dress up and be important.... because she deserves it!

The older I get...

... the less drama I want in and around my life! I think that comes also from growing closer to the Lord. No drama!

Some of my friends are wrapped up in some mad drama right now and it's starting to get on my nerves. Of course, much of it is being facilitated by Facebook. It's one of those reasons why people say they hate social networking sites. I get that, I really do, but I don't blame Facebook. I blame us for putting our business (ahem... drama) all over the Internet and then acting shocked when some crazy crap kicks off (I am big time guilty of this myself, embarrasingly).

All I know is that I don't want any part of it anymore. I especially don't want to be dragged into other people's issues. I have enough drama of my own to worry about.

Right now I'm making a promise not to passive-aggresively use Facebook to send indirect angry messages to people, not to air my dirty laundry, not to jump in and comment on something that has nothing to do with me, and to only say things that are positive and funny.... well, unless it's political. That's different. Politics is fair game in my book. =)

This week at my church, and churches across California, is the week of prayer and fasting. I considered fasting off of Facebook and I think I should have done it. Actually, I think I should only use Facebook to catch up and not to daily know all the chisme (English translation: gossip, juice, drama, etc.). This is getting to be too much. Even though the drama doesn't directly involve me, it and Facebook are truly taking away from productive time I could be giving to the Lord.


Forgive me, Lord. Help me to be more like You and to use Your time wisely. For that matter, forgive me for any pain and hurt I've ever caused in the past due to not minding my business or keeping my mouth shut. Help me to stay positive and to worry about Your business only. Amen!