Happy (late) New Year!

This is only my second post of 2008, but I just realized that I never really rang in the new year with a blog reflecting on 2007 or something corny like that. lol. Well here it is...

My 2007 by all appearances was crap, but I didn't leave it feeling like crap. I lost like 3 friends in 2007, yet I'm not all that beat up about it. Normally, if I was having such bad friend luck I would be all sad and down on myself like something was wrong with me, but no. I think it was because in all three cases, I was the one making the decision to say Adios. All three people turned out to be toxic in their own ways.

I had many car issues (and still do), but for the first time I have hope that my car problems will be over soon. I just have to be patient.

Had issues with my sister on and off for a lot of the year, but by the end, things had resolved themselves and now we are better than we have been in a long while. I think we are both learning to understand each other and respect each other.

Before I sound like the whole year was awful, here are some awesome things that went down:

• My niece Kaylin Oliva Becerra was born! YAY!!!!
• Went "home" to Ireland! Awesome!!!!
• Got promoted to Secretary! Yes!!!

One more: I've really made strides in loving myself and for the first time I really am enjoying being single and not worrying about it to much. I think that's the best thing that happened to me in 2007.... well, next to Kaylin. =)

Coming up for 2008:

1) I plan to stop using credit cards all together in an effort to get myself out of debt. I've already started and I'm doing pretty well.

2) I also plan to get into better shape.

3) Last but not least, I will either get a promotion or leave the County for something better.

Wish me luck!

Old Wounds...

So, last night I had this random dream about Ramon. I don't know if it's because I wasn't feeling well or what, but it was weird...

I was at someone's house in the backyard, when I am approached by Joe, Ramon's brother. He starts almost begging me to take Ramon back as my friend. He tells me that his life is horrible and that he needs me. I kind of don't really want to deal with it, but I can't get away. I sit down on a couch on the side of the house when Ramon walks up almost crying, asking me to be his friend. I don't say anything and I really can't look him in the eye. He gets down and puts his face down on the couch next to me. I start to feel sorry for him and I put my hand on his head.

Next thing you know we are getting out of one of those 1820's-style, almost buggy-like cars with the top down right in front of a really nice hotel. Someone comes to collect our baggage as we check in at the very luxious lobby. Ramon tells them that he needs a room for two, plus a baby on the way. What!!!!!? I know I'm not pregnant, but all of a sudden I realize that he wants to make me pregnant. Are we married? I don't ask, but I'm kind of in shock. We go upstairs and some people are fighting in the hallway, which is nothing like the lobby--dirty with roaches and scum everywhere. We finally find our room when I start feeling uncomfortable, but strangely nice like I am in love or something. Then I wake up from thirst.

Now, all I have been able to think about this whole day was that dream. It was just weird. I don't know that it was anything based on what I would wish for, plus I can honestly say that I have hardly, if at all, thought of Ramon for months now. I have moved on. I haven't heard from him since my birthday and everything has been cool. Now all of a sudden I just have this random dream? It's making me have this incredibly strong longing to just call him and see if he's okay, but I can't. There is no need to open up old wounds...

In my absence...

Much has happened. I guess. =) I haven't written in almost a month. I've been bad lately. It's because I am so busy at work (which is where I usually blog from) because the other secretary has been out due to surgery for the last month and will be out until mid-January... at the very least. So, I get home and I just want to lay on the couch until bedtime.

Dad was in a bunch of pain a few weeks after we returned from England/Ireland. Turns out he has a blood clot in his leg. He and I hung out the entire day at Kaiser to find this out and then spent another few hours in the ER getting it "taken care of" (that's in quotes because in reality they are so incompetent that I really question whether it was taken care of). He is now on blood thinners and will have to be for at least another 6 months. Fun. Dad was out of work for about 3 weeks, which he totally hated, but he got all kinds of attention because of it, which I think he totally loved. =) All in all, looks like all will be okay. I love my dad and I am glad that he will be around for a while longer. lol.

We ended up getting new leather couches and Gatito seems to be doing well with them. He has not peed once. He did vomit one time on the loveseat, but it was easily cleaned. We figured out that he was sick and was overeating. I took him to the vet and poor guy had a TERRIBLE ear infection. The stuff the doctor took out of his ear was indescribably nasty. So, I had to leave him there for a few hours while they sedated him and flushed his ear out. That was about a week ago and there has been much improvement, although I do need to bring him back again next week for more cleaning, which isn't cheap (ay ay ay!). He does seem much better though. =)

Christmas was nice. We did the Christmas morning/opening presents thing at Kim and Mike's. It was cool because it made it easy for Sandy, Juan, and Kaylin to make it and spend that special time with us. It was very nice and I really enjoyed myself. Plus I hit it big with gift cards like In&Out, Visa, and Target, which is nice because I am so broke because of Christmas and I can use these cards to survive until next payday. =)

I've been meeting all these new babies belonging to friends lately and it's been nice. They are all so cute. They are blessed. I'm jealous, but more than anything, I am happy for these people. The really are blessed.

Mandy and I really have a good friendship. It really has developed into a mutual respect and love for eachother. I really do know that I can count on her and I know she knows that she can count on me. I'm thankful for that. She is crazy though. She got me Coach sunglasses for Christmas. She is too much. Now I have to try to top her. =) I will be doing New Year's eve with her and I know we will have a great time.

I'm not too sure if anyone at all reads this thing, but if you do, I hope you have a great 2008. I plan to. I can feel a change coming in the wind and I know it will be a good thing.

God Bless!

An Apology to Young America

I just read this blog entry at TownHall.com entitled, "Baby Boomers Owe America's Young People an Apology." It is probably the most accurate thing I have EVER read and I agree with it 110%. This excerpt has to be one of my favorite of it's points:

And, young women, we apologize especially to you. Many of us baby boomers bought into the feminist idea that getting married and making a family with a man were
far less fulfilling than career success and that marriage itself is "sexist" and
"patriarchal." So, to those of you women who have career success and didn't get
married, we sincerely apologize. Turns out that most careers aren't as
fulfilling as we promised.

AMEN!

Mercy...

Seriously, I don't know what to do with Gatito anymore. I discovered that he has Separation Anxiety. Apparently, it's something that normally happens to dogs, but that they are seeing in cats now too. Basically, he does inappropriate things (like peeing on the couches) because he has grown attached to us so much so that it causes him extreme anxiety when we are not home. Our couches are completely ruined, to the point where we went out on Friday to Easy Life Furniture and purchased a whole set of brand new leather couches. I insisted upon leather, hoping that it will deter him from peeing where we sit, but I'm not even positive that it will work.

Well, this morning I wake up and my dad tells me that once again, Gatito has peed on the couch and that he "kicked his a$$." He really must have because Gatito was nowhere in sight. It took me about 10 minutes to finally find him huddled in fear under my dad's bed. It broke my heart. It's really hard because on the one hand, I understand how my dad felt and it's been hard for me not to do the same to Gatito when I have sat down on the coach only to feel a wet spot of piss under me. You want to ring his little neck. At the same time though, I know that it's not his fault that he is this way and that he doesn't truly understand.

I blame this on Mike Monroy and all of his stupid, idiotic friends. They did this to him. The poor cat was totally abused and passed around, to the extent that when Gatito finally came to me, it took months for him to even let us pet him with our hands. He was so traumatized. Now, because we don't abuse him (well, at least we didn't... lol) and we show him real love, he has gone to the other extreme to where he is so utterly attached to us that he can't even stand it when we are not with him, which causes him to flip out and start peeing on the couches. In a way it's touching, but that doesn't mean it's okay and that it should go on uncorrected.

How do you fix this? I am seriously at the end of my rope. I have even gone so far as to put my hands on the cat and pray to God that He heal him emotionally. The articles that I have read suggest behavioral modifications and even antidepressants, but how much is that going to cost me and do I have a guarantee that it will work? I really don't know. My only other option is to give him away or put him down. I can't give him away because it is cruel to make him re-adjust to a new place yet again, after all that he's been through, but I cannot fathom the thought of putting him down either, even though it would save him from all this anxiety and heartbreak. He is not even 3 years old! I seriously don't know what to do and it's tearing me apart!

In the meantime, I'm going to take him to the vet and see what they say. I'm praying with my heart of hearts that they can help me. Please, for our sakes and Gatito's, I pray that we can fix this somehow because he doesn'tdeserve to be beaten or yelled at or sent away or put to death. If anything, I don't deserve it either. I do love the little stinker. I just wish I could somehow make Mike and all his stupid friends pay for this. In the end, this is their fault. They seriously should never be allowed near animals or anything innocent really...

The Best Years of Our Lives...

I saw an old movie (1946) this weekend of the same name. It was sooo good.It's about three different men from the same town coming back from service in WWII, how they meet, and how they deal with coming home. One of the men comes home and meets one of the other men's daughter. They end up falling for each other, but it can't happen because he's married. Unfortunately, he comes back from the war to a wife who is money hungry and unhappy with him because his glory days are over. He hates her, but theyare married--back then you didn't just leave one another because you weren't getting along. He tries to make things work, despite the fact that he knows he is in love with his friend's daughter. It gets to the point where she vows that she is going to break up his marriage because she knows that he loves her and not his wife and she knows how horrible his wife is. Fortunately for her, at the end, his wife ends up leaving him because he's not good enough and doesn't make enough money, which totally leaves the door open for him and his friend's daughter to be together.

Man, this movie really hit home for me. It made me think of a very similar situation between myself and a former boss at the old office I was in before this one. I totally fell for this guy, despite my best efforts, and I think despite his own best efforts, he did the same. He also is married to a wench who doesn't deserve him. His problem is that they have children. He is a good guy, and I don't see him leaving her or causing any harm to his children by breaking up their family. The only way he is ever getting out of that one is if, like the movie, she leaves him. Unlike the movie, however, I don't see that happening. This woman is crazy, possessive, and jealous... she's not letting go of him. I'm sure that God did not intend this man for me, and I certainly wouldn't go so far as to try to break anyone's marriage up, but it's hard. I see this movie and it makes me cry because I wish I could have had the happy ending that they had in the movie, but I know that could never be and I think that's probably what makes me love this man even more... he is an honorable man. =(

Oh well. Everything happens for a reason. I know God has a plan for me and is getting me ready for the man that I'm supposed to be with. Thank you, Lord. Your will be done...

Love. Sick.

I know I promised to write about my trip, but I'm just not up to it yet... It's a lot to go over. I will get to it though. I promise.

Anyway, so I have been sick literally from when I was in Ireland up until now. I have been only doing half-days at work and then coming home. I have a constant headache. I swear. I can barely concentrate (but enough to write a blog, huh... =P). Well, while I've been home I've just been planted on the couch, watching chick flicks. lol. I found this movie, Love + Hate, on On Demand (Time Warner) under Sundance in the Free Movies section. I swear to Bob that this has to be one of the most romantic stories I've ever come across. It literally made me sob. Not from the story, but from a sheer longing to have love in my life. I literally sat there and cried, begging God to put someone in my life. Stupid story.

I don't think I've EVER felt this much of a longing to have love in my life. I have hit my limit. I don't know how much longer I can wait. I don't want to feel down on myself or get depressed over it. I'm not depressed at all. Maybe it's the fact that I am sick right now and not in my right mind, but I just want to cry at the thought of not having someone. I don't feel lonely in any way except in the love department. In that way, I feel like I am on a desert island with no hope of rescue.

I'm trying to snap myself out of it. It's not good for me to think this way or dwell on these types of things. I also feel guilty because I am only sending God the message that 1) I don't trust in Him (in that He will provide me someone) and 2) that just He alone is not good enough... meaning, I won't be happy on this planet with just His love, but that I need the love of another human being in order to feel like I am fulfilled. As a Christian, that is wrong and if I were God I would be insulted and wouln't want to give me a thing. Fortunately for me, He is a loving God and I'm sure His heart hurts for my pain. I know He want to give me everything I want, but He needs more from me.

I'm sorry, God. Help me to be content no matter what my situation. In the same breath, though, I will say that You told us, "ask and you shall receive." I am asking right now with full faith and love that You put someone in my life who loves You and through that will love, cherish, and honor me, and to whom I can do all the same. Thank You. All good comes from You.

See, now I feel better. =)

A quick hello from Ireland...

Bad me! I haven't blogged at all while in the U.K. I meant to, really, but we've been so busy. Now, our last night here, I have a wee chance to sit down and write a bit. =)

We have done so much in the last 9 days. I won't go into it yet... I'll do that when I'm back at home and can sit in front of the computer for a long while without being bothered. Of course, there is so much, so it will probably have to be in chapters. lol.

I have to say of both London and Northorn Ireland, I've had the best time in Ireland. It's my ancestry and my family. London has the history and the feel of a metropolitan city, but it doesn't have the ancestry and the family. The family we have met here have been wonderful and I really will honestly miss them... really. They have made us feel so at home. I definitely want to come back soon and definitely with my sisters. They have to experience this beautiful place.

I balanced my checkbook today and I have nearly spent all of the $800 I saved up, but that's easy here since the dollar is so weak and is only worth half of the pound. We literally spent twice the amount in dollars on everything. For example: If I spend £15 on souvenirs, I was spending a little over 30 U.S. dollars. Horrible. Oh well, it was all worth it. I am bringing back some cool stuff too... stuff I can pass down to my children.

Thanks to this trip, I am even more proud of who I am. It really makes me emotional. My people (both Irish and Mexican) are good people. They have their bad points, but they are good and I am proud to be both. This is a trip I will NEVER forget...