Gosselins & Gas Prices

I love the show "Jon & Kate Plus Eight." Partly because the kids look just like me when I was their age (lol), but mostly because they are an awesome, loving family who is making it despite the odds so stacked against them. EVEN with all this tabloid crap, which I did not feed into and still don't really believe, I wanted to believe they could get through hard times.

Well, that was why I loved the show. Now it seems everything is unraveling and they are giving up, and not only is it upsetting for them, but it's upsetting to me and many other loyal fans. Just like I saw in another fan's post, I believed that they were a symbol of hope... hope that families can make it and stay together, no matter what struggles they might have. I believe that families can work, but how do you convince the rest of the world when even the Gosselins are having issues?

After seeing last night's episode though, it seems like hope is lost. It seems like Jon and Kate have fallen prey to this world and the "me, me, me" syndrome. One wants one thing and the other wants another thing. What's their solution? To drift apart, instead of to band together and compromise... instead of to turn to the LORD and their pastor and believing friends. Not to sound judgemental of my fellow believers, but once upon a time they were Christians, right?

Why don't they do whats best for everyone? Walk away from the show and the spotlight now, while you still can.

Now, it appears that Kate has gone Hollywood and Jon wants to hide away and pretend none of this ever happened. Meanwhile these poor kids are about to see their family fall apart in front of the entire world.

Last night, after watching the premiere, I went to bed sick to my stomach and crying. I was literally crying! Why? Because I know what those babies are going through. Because I know that they can do better than this. Because I know that all they have to do is cry out to the Lord, but they are forgetting about that now that they have book tours, money, personal assistants....

Lord, please remind these people that all they have to do is turn to You and You can fix everything. You hate divorce and for good reason! Amen!

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Now onto some even cheerier stuff.

Am I the only one noticing that the gas prices are rapidly going up, yet there is not even a peep about it in the media? That's interesting, since I saw unleaded for $2.72 this morning. That's close to $3.00 again!

What's even more interesting is that when our previous president was in office, we frequently heard about the high gas prices and how it was his fault and blah blah blah. Now we have a new president and you don't hear one word about the gas prices... from ANYONE.

Hmmmmm.....

What's my theory on this? Well, we can't mention anything negative because it might get unjustifiably blamed on our do-no-wrong president. We can't have that happen to the savior of the world.... Ha!

Nice...

I don't need to have sex....

... to know it's a beautiful thing. All things created by God are beautiful.

I was reading this article by Ben Shapiro, who happens to be around my age. It's about traditional values, how they pop up in the movie 17 Again (Matthew Perry & Zac Efron), and how that's a good thing. (Thanks to this article, I totally wanna go see this movie!)

Well, it got me thinking. Even people who don't believe in God, or at least that God wanted us to save sex for marriage and for one partner, can admit that sex is beautiful and wonderful. So then, why would you want to cheapen it and lessen it's value by continually misusing and abusing it? That's what you are doing to it when you have sex with multiple people and/or with people you don't have a committed, marriage relationship with? You cheapen yourself also and each time, a little piece of you is ripped away.

It's like buying a really expensive, beautiful luxary car. First of all, you aren't going to just let anyone drive it. You certainly aren't going to allow every person who does to drive it like a maniac, crashing into things and flying over speed bumps, totally careless to the fact that the car doesn't belong to them. No, you are going to be very selective about who gets in the driver's seat and how they handle it.

To me it's the same with sex. I don't want all kinds of people taking a test drive in my car. I only want one special person who has proven to me that I can trust him. AND I would be naive to not know that if I am careless enough to allow several maniacs to drive my car, each time they are done with me, I will have to drive away with yet another dent or scratch to my car. After a while my once shiny, new, beautiful car will be worthless. Then when I'm ready to sell, who's gonna want to buy it? If I'm lucky, in 20 years, some compassionate person who fixes up vintage cars as a hobby.

Yeah, well I don't plan to be someone's hobby. I plan to be someone's life-long, shiny, beautiful car! Most importantly, I think God is right there with me on that plan.

"It is God’s will (this is part of God’s big plans for you) that you should be sanctified (kept special) that you should avoid sexual immorality.” - 1 Thessalonians 4:3

If you have let multiple maniacs dent up and scar your car, it's not too late to stop it. God loves you and with just one ounce of faith from you in Jesus Christ, He can restore your car to new again. All you gotta do is let Him in. He wants to polish you up and remove every dent, scratch, or worse. He can do it, just let Him.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
- 2 Corinthians 5:17

So many cryers; so few arms...

So, yesterday was my first day with the little ones and it went pretty well. Although I have to say I picked a great time to want to watch the kids: 11:30 - 1:00--also known as cranky, it's-about-time-for-my-nap time. =)

Yes, we had quite a few cryers and one or two clingers. At first, we only had 2 clingers. One was a little guy who was so upset that it took me a good part of the first hour to get him to stop crying, but he would not let me leave him alone. I had to hold him the entire time so that he wouldn't get upset. Most of the others were very happy occupying themselves with toys and each other, but about 12:30, some just started crying for no reason and they all wanted the other girl and me to hold them. Well, the little guy that I had in my lap was not having that. He didn't want me holding anyone else, so I just had kids walking up to me wanting me to hug them as they stood next to me. Little guy seemed to be okay with that--as long as they weren't trying to share my lap with him. lol

I have to say that even despite all the crying and the clinging, AND the little ones who didn't want to share or felt the need to throw things (lol), I really was blessed by the whole thing. I just love the little ones.

The funny thing was that I left there feeling like I was in a daze/dream. Don't even know how to explain it, except that I sort of felt that high when you belong to something special. Then I just got all emotional in the car and felt compelled to thank the Lord for putting me there. It was kind of like this surreal, out-of-body experience. All I know is that I think I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Not only is this a new change to my life, but I also have something else to announce: I've been offered a Senior Secretary II position with the Department of Health Services in Alhambra, and of course, I accepted. This is such a blessing for two reasons:

1) I will finally be getting out of DPSS and an almost zero workload; and
2) I will be making about $500-600 more than I make right now, which is going to help me pay off debt even faster.

Yay! Thank You, Lord. You are way too good to me. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!

I can feel a change coming in the wind....

Day one with the kiddies...

Today is my first Sunday serving with the kids. I'm excited, but nervous. Don't really know why I'm nervous; it's not that big of a deal. Well, I guess it is. I'm going to be responsible for the children of strangers. Plus, it's like a new job. I have to learn the ropes. I'm sure it will be fine. It's only about 2 hours.

Thankfully, people at my church are generally nice and welcoming, so I'm sure whoever I'm put with will be helpful and more than willing to teach me the whole system.

I'm happy that I'm finally getting off my butt and doing my part. I know that God wants us to serve Him and we all should be bringing Him the glory and praises, but another reason we need to serve is to help our Pastor because he can't do it all alone. He gives us so much and the least we can do is give back a little of our time to make sure the church runs smoothly.

Lord, please be with me as I serve You and serve my brothers and sisters in You. Put me at peace, make me aware, and help me to have patience and understanding with your babies. In Jesus' name, Amen!

Standing on the outside….

I haven’t seen my family in 2 weeks or so. Yet, for the first time, it doesn’t bother me. For the first time, I’m not antsy to see them or feeling like I need to re-connect. I know that sounds mean, but why is it not bothering me more? I don’t have a straight answer to that question, but I have my own theories.

My whole life I’ve felt like the odd man out in my family--well, in all situations truthfully, but your family should be your safe haven, right?

Growing up, I always wanted to be an individual and not to be like everyone else. I HATED it when my sisters wanted the same things I did. If they got a dress in one color, I definitely wanted it in another color. One of my favorite phrases was, “Stop copying me!” lol

Despite that need for individuality, however, on a relational level, I was desperate to fit in with my family and to feel accepted and understood. I’ve never truly felt accepted and understood. Even when taking into account that when you are young things are just difficult and everyone feels awkward, I still feel like I just never meshed well with my family.

Sometimes I feel like I was raised by totally different people too. I am very old-fashioned and old-school about many things. For example, I truly believe that as an adult, I deserve respect and, likewise, I should be showing respect to those who are older than me. That being said, I expect my nieces and people younger than me to show me respect and not to speak to me as if they are on my level. My sisters are more liberal with that type of thing and don’t think that it’s all that necessary. They literally look at me like I’m uptight and just out of control to expect that as an adult I be treated with respect by children. Well, excuse me. I didn’t know I was so backward.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand.

Lately, I just have this overwhelming desire to be on my own. I have no deep desire to see my family members or to spend time with them. I do miss my nieces, but that’s different—they are babies and we all know I love the babies.

I guess I’m just starting to realize that things just never change. These people are not going to change without intervention from the Lord. They have been programmed to see me one way and it’s up to them to make themselves see the new person that I’ve become. The problem is, I really don’t see too many signs that they are willing to do that despite them telling me otherwise. That is hurtful to me.

I’m tired of trying to show them that the old, bad side of me has been washed away by the Holy Spirit. Yes, I still have my faults and am not always the easiest person to be around, but I’m not nearly as close to being the depressed, negative person I used to be. Yet, they continue to treat me the way they treated that person. They continue to relate to me the way they related to THAT person.

I guess that’s why I just have no interest in being around them too much anymore. I’m slowly but surely forming relationships with people out here where I live, and it’s just so much easier to be around these people because they can see me for the person I am NOW—not the person I was then. The depressed, negative, self-loathing, supposed Christian is a stranger to these people.

I guess my family just needs to get up to speed on who I have become. Until then, I think I’m better off being around people who know me without the pre-conceived notions.

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE my family with all my heart, but I don’t know that they are my priority anymore. It’s sad, but it’s true. That’s one thing that hasn’t changed about me: I always try to keep it real…


Lord, for now I feel like I need to do what I need to do to continue my relationship with You and to build relationships with other believers, but please keep this in Your hands. I’ve always wanted my family in my life and I don’t want it to be like this. I know that you are powerful and can change people’s hearts. Please work with us on this. Show me the areas where I am wrong and need improvement, Lord, so that I am not a stumbling block to Yours and my relationship and my relationship with my family. In Jesus’ name, Amen!

Falling off the proverbial wagon...

I did something yesterday that I haven't done in a long time because I know it's offensive to God and I'm not proud of it. I won't say what because I don't want others to stumble either, and it's really not necessary for me to go into specifics anyway. I already confessed it to the Lord and I am trying to remember that I'm forgiven.

I'm just really disappointed in myself for even allowing myself to be put in a situation that would lead me to fall back (if not walk back) into something that I know is displeasing to the Lord. I am really sad about it and ashamed of myself. Again, I have to remember that I'm forgiven, but it's not that easy.

It's human nature to not want to forgive people when they do something to us and as a result it's human nature not to expect others to want to forgive us when we do something to them. I guess that's why it's hard to understand why God forgives us when we do things to Him. We are "doing something to Him" when we sin, afterall. Yet, He does forgive us. He loves us. We don't always understand it, but He does...

Sorry, Jesus. I don't plan to do it again and with the help of the Holy Spirit, I hope I never do....

Let the children come....

So, I finally was approved for the Children's Ministry at my church, Calvary Chapel Chino Valley, and had my one-on-one with one of the leaders, Linda. I will be officially starting next weekend. That's if I don't come in this weekend (Mother's day) to help out... that all depends on whether we do anything for my mom, which I doubt since she's working, as usual.

I'm really excited.

Okay, well, when I was on my one-on-one, I did become a little apprehensive for a second when she started going over the potential issues you have to deal with (e.g., kids biting each other and parents not being too happy about it). I also really had to face the fact that I'm not going to have as much free time anymore on the weekends because this is a total committment--as in if you aren't going to make it, you have to get someone to cover... yikes! That scared me at first, but then I snapped myself out of it. Or maybe the Holy Spirit snapped me out of it, huh?

More time serving the Lord is NOT A WASTE OF TIME! The Devil just doesn't want me giving any more of my time to the Lord, so he was trying to scare me. Well, it's not working! I'm so in and ready to commit myself to the best of my abilities.

I really am excited to do this. I'll be working with the 1-year-olds, which is totally my favorite age group. My niece, Kaylin, is in that group right now and she is so awesome... even when she's being bad. =) So, I'm looking forward to all the little ones. Plus, I didn't mention this to Linda, but I am so good with this age group and they generally love me and are comfortable with me, so hopefully me being there will really help them out. We'll see.

So yeah...

Lord, keep your hands on me as I serve You by serving Your little ones. Give me patience, gentleness, and loving kindness so that I can serve them as unto You. Thank You for this opportunity and for the opportunity to bless others. In Jesus' name, Amen!

Next up: Getting Baptized at my church. Can't wait for the next round of baptisms because I'm very ready!

My love affair...

Anyone who knows me well knows that I’ve never been in a long-term relationship… I don’t think I’ve even really been in a short-term relationship actually. Things just haven’t work out for me in the love department. Most of the time, with God’s help, it’s because I’m able to gather that the person is just not right for me. Or sometimes it just not who God has in mind for either of us. That's okay though.

Well, I have something to confess. Some may notice that I don’t’ have a lot of spare time lately. That’s because I have someone in my life. And I don't think I've ever been this happy before!

*shock**gasp* lol

He is great. He respects me and loves me for who I am. He has given me back my self-esteem and dignity. He holds nothing in my past against me. He forgives me immediately when I do stupid things. He helps me to see the positive things about myself and about every situation. He gives me hope about the future. He makes me feel secure and safe. He protects me. He supports me. He is the eyes behind my head, making sure I don’t get myself into a bad or stupid situation. He holds me and wipes my tears away when I’m sad or hurt. He gives me great advice and listens when I need to get stuff out. He doesn’t hold it against me when I’m having a bad day and take stuff out on Him even though He doesn’t deserve it.

Man, who could ask for a better relationship? No one on earth could do for me what He has. There’s no comparison

Are you jealous yet? Do you have someone in your life who does ALL those things? Well, you don’t have to be jealous. You can have Him too… I’m willing to share. Lol.

Yes, if you haven’t guessed it, I’m in love with Jesus Christ.

He is all those things and more and if you don’t have Him in your life, you are missing out on fulfillment, peace, satisfaction, and joy.

Want to know how to get into contact with this catch? Open up your Bible. It’s his love letter to YOU!

Love you guys. Love you, Jesus. God bless!