Constructive criticism...

I thought I'd share something that's kind of funny, but sad at the same time. It totally shows just how much more healing I need when it comes to my self-image. lol

I haven't mentioned it much, but since I've had my spacers I have lost like 2 pant sizes. It's not so much the spacers themselves that caused me to lose weight, but the fact that they have forced me to eat a lot more slowly and therefore I am developing the long OVERDUE habit of taking my time and stopping before I've gorged myself. Before I could totally scarf down two plates of any meal, but now I can only manage one. So, as you can imagine, my body is adjusting to a lot less food.

Anyway, I was texting my new "friend" and we got to talking about how much weight we are both losing. I joked that I feel like Cantinflas having to use a belt to hold up my ginormous pants at work (Cantinflas was a famous Mexican comedian--on of my dad's and my favorites--you can read about him here). That's when he sent me a text saying something like, "Instead of coffee, how about a run in the morning?" To which I replied, "I really should, but I don't live in the best neighborhood. But I do Pilates at home and I have an eliptical that I DO use. It doesn't just sit there. lol"

This is the funny part. He then replies back something like, "That's not what I meant. I meant we should go running instead of coffee when we meet. lol" Hahaha... We had earlier discussed meeting for coffee for the first time we are to meet, but I didn't even think of that. I thought he was referring to me cutting out the one cup of coffee I have every morning, and running instead. Oops!

My response: "Hahaha! I told you I take constructive criticism pretty well!"

Well, what I haven't mentioned is that the day before I had emailed him a not-so-hot picture of me in my Halloween costume. In my opinion, I don't look like I've lost any weight in that picture at all. I did not want to send it at first, but decided to anyway because if this guy is gonna like me, he's gonna like me even when I'm not looking my best--not that it matters since we are only friends anyway! (You know it matters though, right? lol) So, I sent it, but I was scared that he was gonna be grossed out by it. So when he mentioned running, I thought he was trying to tell me something after seeing me in that picture. Just kidding!

Man, I am a nerd. That just shows you what I think people think of me. I know I need to work on this and really just start to be okay with this body and face that the Lord gave me. I know they aren't that horrible, but it's hard to find any beauty in myself sometimes. It's just so much easier for me to dwell on the faults and we love to take the easier road, don't we?

Ay ay ay!