Before this month is over....

I wanted to check in and let my one follower (lol) know that I am alive. This has been quite a month. I have been SWAMPED in my new position since day one, but I'm really liking it. I love that I'm super busy and my days fly by. I el-oh-vee-ee LOVE IT!!! I'm learning a lot and it's great to have my mind stimulated again and used to it's fullest. Thank you, Lord! As of last Friday, I have lost a total of 15 lbs through my Weight Watchers plan and I'm feeling GREAT. Everyone is complimenting me left and right. My clothes are huge. For the first time in my adult life, I fight comfortably (if not loosely) in a size 9 and looking forward to fitting in a size 7 next, and maybe even a size smaller than that.... we'll see. It feels great and I think it shows in my demeanor and confidence. Which leads to my next paragraph.... I've been dating up a wazoo thanks to eHarmony and am even being approached outside of eHarmony. None of the guys were takers, but I am having the best time getting out and meeting people. So much so that it hasn't bothered me too much that none of these guys was the right one. I'm just trying to live life and let the Lord worry about the rest. The awesome thing about this confidence is its becoming the push I need to find a good church and jump right in instead of being cautious for the longest before I even get into a Bible Study, like before. I'm busy planning my sister's baby shower. It's going to be a beach/nautical theme. It's coming together nicely and we are super excited for our first nephew!! Can't wait. I just wish circumstances in my sister's home were a little (or A LOT!) better right now, but I won't go into that here. If you pray, keep them in your prayers please. They NEED it. I am FINALLY done with my Invisalign process. I'm now onto the retainers. They should be ready by next week. After that I get my two front teeth shaved down a little because they are not even. Then I'm going to look into teeth whitening. All I can say is that it's surreal, after 29 years of life, to have a beautiful smile that I want to share with the world.... I got a new smile and a new body. It's a new me! Overall, everything is going great. I believe this is really going to be my year and I can't wait to see what's in store.... foreseen and unforeseen. God is SO good to me!!!

God is my lifeline...

A couple days ago we found out that the step father of a long-time friend of my sisters and I committed suicide. I don't know the details yet, but I do know this: He has two young daughters under the age of 14 who he abandoned and gave up on.

For that I am angry and resentful, and I'm not those two girls.

When my friend was young her dad abandoned her and her little brother (not by suicide, but by walking out on them and being almost completely absent). Their mother is already a little unstable, so when their dad left, she sort of lost it. They grew up to have some issues as a result, but luckily have turned out ok.

Well, now, in a way, history has repeated itself. My friends mom remarried some time after the first marriage ended and ended up having two babies with her current husband. They are now two young children (about the same ages as my friend and her brother were when their dad left) who's father has given up on them and exited their lives. This time, though, it's in the worst way someone can abandon you.

Suicide is nothing but pure selfishness. You get to leave the difficult, unbearable situation and leave everyone else behind you to deal with the aftermath. From the little I know, this guy had financial issues and has threatened suicide in the past with the idea that his family would be taken care of through insurance money.

I'm sorry!! I would rather have my father and be dirt poor, than lose him, but still have a huge house and all the trappings of life. Not a good trade-off.

Anyway, these are the times that I'm reminded just how important it is to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. It is through him that we have access to God himself. In our sin we are completely cutoff from God. Our sin is just like the veil in the Holy of Holies--it separates us from direct access to God. Jesus, in his death, tore that veil and when we believe in him and claim him for who he is--the Son of God and the only Way to God (John 14:16)--he removes that barrier and we have a direct line to the Big Man himself.

I used to struggle with the sin of Depression and there were times where I no longer wanted to live, but because of my direct line to God through the Holy Spirit, there was always that inner voice/movement that kept me from ever considering taking my own life. Even when you are a believer who is not walking with the Lord, like I wasn't, you still have even the tiniest little thread connecting you to God in the Holy Spirit that is always there... even when you are trying to ignore him. =)

When you don't have a relationship with Jesus, you do not have that line to God. He does not intervene. He doesn't tap into the Holy Spirit within you because there is no Holy Spirit within you. You have no connection to the source of life and therefore living is not important to you.

(Does this mean that every person who committs suicide doesn't have a relationship with Christ? No, but I do believe that it's a big indication that a person probably doesn't or has allowed the Devil to convince them with his lies.)

I hope that before this man died he was able to reconcile himself to the Lord. We won't know in this world.

In the meantime, my prayers and thoughts go out to these two little girls specifically. The odds are now stacked even higher against them. This world takes fatherless girls and boys and eats them alive....


Lord, please reach your might hands down and envelope these little girls with your love and peace. Help them to forgive their father for failing them. Give them the peace that only you can bring. Use this situation, as horrible as it is, to open up a door and pathway to you, Lord. In everything we rejoice because all works together for good and Your purpose. Thank you, Jesus! Amen!

Me, me, me! The update...

So in my previous post I mentioned my new position and a date I went on. Here's what happened:

WORK
There is so much to learn in my new position, and to be honest I was a tad nervous about it over the weekend, but so far it's going okay. The good thing is that I'm not fully on the Travel Request system (which is the main part of my job) because of some technical difficulties. This has left me some time to organize my desk and really settle in. I was able to sit with my predessesor, Maria, and thoroughly go over what I will be doing (mostly all travel-related).

Well, that Train-a-Thon came in handy because Maria called in sick today. Because of everything we went over, and my detailed notes, I have been able to handle the basic travel arrangements that have come my way. Thank you, Jesus!

DATE
The guy and I met up at Claim Jumper. Dinner was nice and the conversation was interesting, but I walked away knowing this wasn't going anywhere. The main problem I had was that he seemed to be ashamed of the Gospel. He went so far as to say that he doesn't like to call himself a Christian because he doesn't like "labels." Really? More like you are embarrased to tell people you are a follower of Christ and worry way too much about what the world things and not enough about what the Lord thinks of you. Yeah, definitely not the godly leader I want in my life.

Even better, yesterday he texted me telling me that despite what an amazing time he had with me and that he thinks I'm a "cool gal," he didn't feel we were compatible either. Phew! I was worried about having to let this guy down easy, but he handled the job for me.

He said that there were two things that he honed in on that made him feel we would not be a good fit:

1. In his words: We are "in a different place spiritually." (Agreed.)

2. Also in his words: "You... are a behind the scenes gal that wants to stay home and eventually you [want] to get to a place where the two of you lived off of one salary." (So apparently he is not okay with being the sole breadwinner... okie dokie.)

Well, there you go.

This is what I replied to him:

"You're a cool guy and I enjoyed dinner and our converstation, but yeah, like you said, I didn't feel the spark for the same reasons. I think you are still on that adventure that we have to go on sometimes before we can fully commit our lives to the Lord and there is nothing wrong with that. It's just not where I want my guy to be. Good luck with your baby girl, carreer ambitions, writing, and search for the right one. Trust in God and he'll take you places you never imagined for yourself. =) God bless."

Obviously NOT for the same reasons, but the "spirituality" aspect is true. What I didn't mention to him was that I think his politics stink. =) (If you read my blog than you can probably guess who he voted for President. LOL.)


Anyway, that's that. There are the updates. I am already chatting with another guy who seems to have his head on straight about the Lord, so we'll see what happens there. All I know is that I sure am getting some good dating practice in lately. Even they they aren't very successful dates, I'm having fun....