WHY?!?!

Why does everything have to always become so uncertain in my life? It's like I'm not even allowed to get excited about anything or make any kinds of plans. I know the Bible says that we shouldn't say, "tomorrow I'll be doing such and such," because we don't know if we'll have tomorrow. I get the concept, but it's like I'm not even allowed to look forward to anything.

The minute I get excited about something or someone, the rug gets pulled right out from under me. It's beyond frustrating! Everytime something potentially special comes along, I can't even dare excited an ounce because then this crap happens.

This weekend I was supposed to see Francisco. The whole week leading up to yesterday I was happy and feeling good. Finally! Finally, I was going to have my chance to get to know a great guy that for all intents and purposes would be great for me: godly, kind, responsible, handsome, etc.

Then I woke up yesterday morning with a bad feeling. Out of no where I got the sense that I may not see him afterall. I said, "Lord, if I don't end up seeing him tonight, is that Your way of telling me this is not going to happen?" I immediately thought, "no, don't think like that."

Well, as usual my 6th sense was right. Later on in the afternoon I got a phone call from my dad and before he could even say it, I knew what was coming: "Francisco's not going to make it."

Wow. WOW!!!! WOOOOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!

What did I do so wrong in my life? What? Whaaaaattttt??????

In one way, I appreciate the way the Lord lets me know these things right away, but in another I feel like what the heck!!!! Why is not one single one of these guys a YES? Why??? Why, Lord?

When is it going to be a YES?

Well, now all of a sudden, I'm back to square one and feeling like I have no idea where my future is going. I can't take this anymore...

Even worse, is right before this post I wrote about God's promises. I know what I wrote is the truth, but this very second, it doesn't feel like it. Sorry, God, but you know me better than anyone so you already know that this is how I feel....