My Love Interest = God First

Even when I was fat, ugly, and depressed, I was always picky.

Hahaha! That sounds hilarious when I go back and read it.... It's true though. Even when this beggar had no right to be choosy, she was.

Anyway, as a first child, I've always had my list of requirements. With age though (and possibly desperation) that list of deal-breakers had started to dwindle significantly. Now that I have a deeper relationship with the Lord though, my list has come down to one important thing: HE MUST LOVE THE LORD AND LOVE HIM FIRST--ABOVE ALL THINGS AND ALL PEOPLE.

There are no ifs, ands or buts about it. He has to be a believer, devoted to the Lord, or it ain't gonna happen. I know that God has the same requirement for me, so I am, in other words, seeking His will.

So, as previously mentioned, I'm on Facebook. Well, there are little advertisements here and there when I'm playing games (Farm Town, Roller Coaster Kingdom, Bejewelled Blitz--yes, I have a lot of time on my hands, okay... lol). Last week, I noticed an ad for Zoosk.com. It's another of those dating sites. What caught my eye was that it said something about finding like-minded people. Hmmm...

Don't ask me why, but I decided to check it out. I think I was mostly bored, but I also liked that this thing was free (not all of us can afford eHarmony). I created my profile and made it VERY clear that I love the Lord and I'm serving Him. I figured that would weed most every idiot out, plus, I am proud of my love for God, so I might as well show it.

So, of course I get hits from questionable guys pretty much immediately. Every time I check out there profiles though, and even though they have themselves down as Christian in the religion category, there is no indication that they are living for the Lord. So.... Next!

Then a few days ago, I get a hit from this guy. The first thing he writes is that he basically admires my devotion to the Lord and he would like "this to be the impetus of a godly friendship." Okay, you've caught my attention. Seems intelligent enough at least. I look at the pics: attractive guy. Profile: just like the others he is not repping God anywhere, but his descriptions are thorough and seem genuine. Okay, I'll talk to you.

So, this guy and I have been chatting and I've gathered that he is wanting to come back to the Lord, but is not ready to let go of the control. I share my testimony and encourage him to go to church and get involved. He sounds like he's almost at that point of surrender, but I really don't know this guy so who am I to make conjectures. I did tell him that the fact that he has listened to my testimony and arguments seems to be a step in the right direction. =)

We move away from the topic of God and start to talk about ourselves. I hate to say it, but I'm starting to become interested in this guy. That is so not good. I know better than this!

Like I said in the beginning, I want God's will for my love life (well, my whole life actually), and I knwo His will includes a man/husband who loves and serves Him. This guy is not at that point right now.

I know this, but it's hard. Recently, I have been feeling overwhelmingly lonely and love sick. I'm praying and asking God for forgiveness for having a longing for something other than Him, but nevertheless it's there. So this guy, and his conversation, and his attention are messing me up right now. I don't want to turn around and stop talking to this guy, but maybe I have to. This may sound like an excuse, but I also don't want to turn him away from the Lord by rejecting him.

For now, all I can do is be extremely cautious and keep it on a friend level. Maybe he can come to church with me. Maybe he'll give his life back to the Lord. Maybe none of those things. I guess I have to pray and wait to see what the Lord will have me do.

Ay ay ay....