I'm scared.

I admit it. I'm scared to go to the "down there" doctor.

(Sorry if this is TMI. You can skip this post if you want. lol)

I've never been to the OB/GYN. I'm still holding onto the "V" card, so I've felt strongly that I don't need to go until I'm married and doing "the deed." I just don't want anyone but my husband to be the first one to venture down there. It's a conviction that I've had.

PLUS, my mom traumatized me when I was about 8. She took me to a doctor's appt. and failed to mention to me beforehand that the MALE doctor was going to have me get naked and then do a BREAST EXAM on me. It was one of the worse experiences of my life. I remember pleading with my mom to not have to take my clothes off, but she insisted. Thanks to that stupid ordeal, I can't stand the idea of a doctor messing with my private areas.

Well, now these ovarian cysts come along. I've been dealing with them for like 2 years, but lately they seem to be getting worse. I won't get into the details, for those of you who are still with me. All I know is that not only do I have increasing discomfort, but my hormones are completely out of wack, which is really irritating because it wasn't until I was around 26 that my hormones finally started to become normal and now they are right back to making me nuts. *sigh*

I'm really starting to get to the point that I just want to suck it up and go to the doctor to make sure something truly bad is not going on down there. I'm just scared because:

- It's SCARY. I know it isn't any woman's favorite kind of appointment... there is discomfort involved.

- See my previously-mentioned horrible ordeal.

- I don't want them to mess around down there only to discover that it's just the cysts and there is not much I can do for them other than to go on Birth Control.... Which I already know! I would be royally pissed if I put myself through all that to find out something I already know.

- I don't want to find out something horrible.... like Cancer or something. Or worse (well for me, it's worse), that I can't have kids. (Tearing up just thinking about it.)

*Sigh*

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of this!

Lord, help me! I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I just need to bite the bullet, drag my sister with me for moral support, shut my eyes, and lay on the stupid table already.

Great, now I really am tearing up. Poo!