The Bad Guy Syndrome

Remember the whole revolving door of friends thing? It’s at it again.

I offended someone, I was recognized my wrong (she didn’t even have to point it out), apologized, asked forgiveness from my Heavenly Father and the injured party. That party now seems to be acting in a malicious manner towards me (leaving me out of lunch invitations, barely speaking to me, not inviting me to BBQs that in previous years I helped to coordinate, etc.), which is definitely making me feel like I am not forgiven…. Well, by her at least; I know my Lord has already forgiven me.

Anyway, it’s funny.

Why is it funny? That person and I had a mutual friend who repeatedly hurt this same friend. Despite the fact that this person has NEVER apologized, let alone was remorseful, my friend keeps trying to make amends with her and appears to always eventually forgive her. Yet, I—the person who was genuinely sorry for what she did—am not eligible for forgiveness, apparently.

Now, I get to come to work everyday and feel like I’m all alone. This friend has another mutual friend to lean on and confide in and I now have no one (other than my Lord, of course). So, yeah. I’m really getting impatient with this promotion because I want to get out of here!

I don’t know what is with me and my high turn-around in friends… Something’s gotta give. I know I am not this horrible person, but it’s like I have the “bad guy syndrome:” I’m always coming off as the bad guy in every situation, even when I’m trying to make amends, which not a lot of people can swallow their pride to do (let’s be real). Or even when I’m not even in the wrong, yet the person who wronged me is treating me like I’m the culprit. Either way, I’m always the bad guy. I’m tired of this…

Lord, please put friends in my life who have integrity, loyalty, and most of all understanding. Amen.