Stuck in the mud...

Psalm 40:1-3

 

“I waited patiently for the Lord, and He inclined to me, and heard my cry.  He brought me out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay; and he set my foot upon a rock making my footsteps firm.  And he put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and fear, and will trust in the Lord.”

 

I feel like this is a promise of how things will turn out eventually for me.  Eventually.

 

Right now, I’m in the miry clay, the slimy pit, crying out to the Lord…. But I HAVE to believe that he hears me and will soon pull me out and set me on firm ground.  I will have a new song of praise to God.

 

I just need to wait patiently. 

 

I’m going to be honest right now:  I HATE that word… “wait.”   Wait! Wait! Wait! 

 

It feels like the story of my life is a story about waiting.  What it really has been, though, is a story about God waiting for me… waiting on me to “get it.”  To understand how much more important He is than anything else I desire.  Nothing else matters. 

 

*sigh*

 

Lord, please align what I know is true in my mind with how my heart feels.  I want them to be in one accord, seeking you and your will first.  I’m tired of waiting, but I’m even more tired of this inner battle between trust and fear.  Help me.  I’m crying out for you to help me right now!

I’m going back to the start…

Why does Coldplay have perfect lyrics for every situation? Just saying… =)

Anyway, at the beginning of this last summer I was riding high. I had already lost a good amount of weight and was feeling a lot better about myself. I turned 30 and was enjoying my new body, still-young looks (yes, I did just write that… lol), and most of all my singleness. I even had made a commitment to God and myself that I would not be making any romantic commitments to anyone for 6 months. I was dating and having a good time… especially in July when I was lavished with all kinds of birthday fun and attention.

Then mister man comes along and changes the game. I though, “man, what they say is really true… it comes when you aren’t looking for it.”

Yeah…

What came was a distraction—from God and from life. I had all these plans, including getting a house, which were sidetracked (although not directly due to him). I did get this amazing job, however, which really was a blessing, but I lost my focus.

Now that things are up in the air with this dude, I’m getting a chance to look back and I’m like "wait a minute!” I was on an awesome adventure and it has been interrupted by someone who was trying to make it look like he wanted in on it too, but now he seems to be doing his own thing. It’s time to get back on my safari jeep like Indian Jones and keep this adventure going. He and other distractions need to be returned to the back seat where they belong and God needs to be put back in the driver’s seat where He belongs.

So…. Mister man has been relegated to just “an option” among a few options for now and I’m focusing on getting back on the trail I set out on. I’m doing my best to focus on serving the Lord with my life and my actions, dating/getting to know other people, and on moving forward with my future. I’m looking forward to moving out to my own apartment next month and starting fresh… a new, independent, attractive, self-reliant, secure woman who is relying on God to work things out.

I’m going back to where I started and staying on the trail…


Psalm 37:3-5, 7, 34

Trust in the Lord and do good; seek your happiness in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desire. Give yourself to the Lord; trust in him, and he will help you; Be patient and wait for the Lord to act; don’t be worried about those who succeed in their evil plans. Put your hope in the Lord and obey his commands.

Stepping back...

Things are never not complicated in Kristinaland.  Lol.

I am very blessed.  The Lord loves me and truly has poured His favor out upon me.  I believe its in response to areas in my life where I have chosen to be more obediant, but even that can be attributed to Him.  The things He has healed me of have helped facilitate my ability to be obediant.  So it all comes back to Him. :)

Go God! 

There is still that one area that I struggle with, however.  Guess which one...

*dun dun dun*

Yes, the double L word... Love life.

Blah!

It feels like I'll never get that one right.  And I dont mean that I can't make it happen, but that I can't let it happen.  I cant just allow things to happen. 

The guy in my life is a good guy.  He is very special.  I have never met anyone like him.  He loves the Lord. He is kindhearted, generous,  handsome, smart, etc.... and I feel like I can be myself with him. I really like him and I know he cares for me.

The problem with us girls is that when we find someone we want and are hopeful about, we go into "try to control the situation" mode.  We want to make things happen.  We want to help things along.  However, because that is not our job, but his, that puts him in "I dont know about this anymore" mode and things go south from there. :(

I dont know if that is happening right now.  It feels like it, and although I think there are things I do need to see him step up on, for the most part I feel that I am the problem here.

I think God agrees.

This is why I'm taking a step back.  I need to re-group and remember Who is number one here... Who gives me everything and fulfills my life. 

I also need to step back and let my "friend" come to me.

The Word says that Husbands need to love their wives the way Christ loves the church.  The church is the bride, but before we can be His bride, He pursues us.  He knocks on the door of our hearts and never gives up until we say yes.

I want to (and frankly need to) be pursued in the same way. 

So, right now I feel that the Lord is telling me that He has things under control, but that what He needs from me is to back off and stop making things so easy for Mister Man.  I'm going to comply... Even if I habe to force myself.  Even if I risk losing this guy.  I must be obedient.  I know it will be worth it.

Lord, thank You for being real with me.  I know you want nothing but the best things for me.  Strengthen me, guide me, and equip me.  Fix my eyes on you.  I surrender this ship to You, trusting that You are its most skilled and experienced captain.  In Jesus' name, AMEN!

He can do all things...

“Then Job replied to the Lord, ‘I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.’” Job 42:1-2

Amen!

Sometimes I find myself in and out of trust in the Lord. One minute I’m secure in the truth that God is working things out for my good… no matter what! Then other times, I’m in panic mode thinking that things are spiraling out of control and even God isn’t able to set things right. Total nonsense, I know. I think it’s human though. Even the Apostle Paul said that the “spirit is willing, but the body is weak” (Matthew 26:41), meaning our spirit wants to do what’s right (in this case, trusting completely in the Lord), but our flesh falls prey to weakness and sin (in this case, not trusting the Lord with our whole heart).

What we have to do is work on KNOWING that God CAN do all things and that His plans can NOT be hindered or obstructed.

That goes along with seeking his will and plan. It’s a must. There is no if, ands, or buts about it. We MUST seek His will and trust in His plan because it will be carried out whether we are on-board or not.

Thank you, Lord. Keep this reminder daily in my mind and heart. Don't let me forget it! Amen!

A glimpse of hell...

My sister let me borrow a book she recently purchased called “23 Minutes in Hell” by Bill Wiese. It is the account of his 23-minute trip to Hell. I think it’s a must-read for everyone. Reading it, you get the sense that this man is telling the truth and he has scripture to back it up.

Check out this video:


There was one thing in his account that really stuck out to me. At one point he is in a cavern full of creatures of all types that hate him and want to harm him. He specifically states that this includes giant spiders, around 3 feet tall.

Everyone knows that I am deathly afraid of spiders—no seriously—but that’s not why it stood out to me.

Years ago, when I was not walking with the Lord (in fact I now know that I really never KNEW the Lord intimately until a few years ago), I had a wake-up-call kind of dream from the Lord. For some reason the Lord loves to speak to me through dreams actually. But anyway…

In the dream, something was happening in the world and my Dad (who was also not living a right life before God) and I walk out of my house and see the world is dark and there is chaos around us. It’s like it’s the end of the world. We both look at each other and, without speaking a word, we both know that Jesus came and we where not taken. Then I looked up in the sky and saw seven stars. The stars move into a circle. Then I look away and see the sky raining fire and giant spiders surrounding us. Yes, spiders just as described in this man’s book.

Not long after that dream I read about the seven stars in the first book of Revelation. So that explained a lot, but I always remembered the spiders. In my mind they were probably there as a manifestation of something I truly fear. Especially since it seemed full of other things I feared, including (at that time) being left behind.

Then last night I read of these spiders and wham! The dream comes to my mind.

Now I know God was giving me a glimpse… a glimpse of things to come and what I could have faced if I did not come to Him. It literally brings me to tears.

God is real. Hell is real. We don’t have much time. Now is the time to share the Good News, because eventually it will be too late. I don’t want anyone I know to go to Hell…. ESPECIALLY after reading this man’s account. Hell was not meant for us humans and it hurts the Lord beyond description to see any of us lost to that horrible place.

My prayers of salvation for those around me are taking a whole new light now.

If you want more information on this book and its author, go to http://www.soulchoiceministries.org/.